Sweetnewsub wrote:
I am new to the cage and to the lifestyle less than a year. With only 1 previous dom. I have been on a search for another. I have enjoyed this site thus far. Until the past 2 days.My question is how do you deal with someone pushing themselves on you after u have clearly stated it is not a good fit. To the point were it becomes harassment. I need guidance on this please.
Just as in any aspect of life, we will come across people who are sublime (I grant you a rarity!) and the other end of the spectrum, people who are just slime, with the rest of us fitting somewhere in between. Hopefully, we will tend to towards the top rather than the lower end of the spectrum.
The forum advise is good, the administrator/monitors I am sure, for the most part will be able to eliminate this kind of nonsense, and it sounds like you have done or are doing all you can on your part. I too, am new and am trying to find the right partner, and in that respect it seems no different that vanilla world.
The fact remains that whenever we enter into an exploratory conversation with a potential partner it is fraught with pitfalls, it just can't be avoided, we are going to make mistakes, hopefully not really stupid ones, and in fact it's a good thing in the long run. My mistakes have accelerated my learning curve faster than à speeding train to sift out the wheat from the chaff.
Everyone on this site, so far, has been appropriate and respectful and I hope I have returned the same. Anything that smacks of cohesion, manipulation, fake flattery, inconsistent stories, etc., can be detected with practice, and my personal favourite an inability to form complete sentences without resorting to crudités from the very first contact, probably means you are dealing with a nincompoop! Unless that's your thing! Which doesn't seem likely.
It might sound hokey, but it has helped me, to find out all I can about psychology, sexuality, etc., and what those things really mean to me, it has built my confidence and places me on surer ground. Has that meant that I haven't been taken for a "mug" recently, Nope, did it waste gobs of time, Yep. However, that experience sharpened me up and helped me get my head in the game more.
Stick to what you are seeking, and clearly and decisively deliver your message, it's not that your desires can't change, but not changed by someone who calls himself "Buba" and lives in the Appalachian mountains.
Most of all, "Fear Not Grasshopper!" you are not alone, there will be loads of nonsense to wade through, but just be glad you are not part of it.
Freya