How do you know...

How do you know...

DrWakko • Dec 1, 2018

I've been reading profiles and under the section "limits" I see a lot of the same responses. The problem I have with the limits for some people is: How do you know?

I understand if X is a limit because as a child something bad happened to you. Or X is a trigger.

Some of these profiles seem generic in the limits. No children... in the 10 years I've been active in various communities I've never seen anyone take a child out of a toy bag and use them as a flogger, cane or paddle. This also goes for animals, I've never seen a literal cat-of-nine tails used on someone. I am not sure what people mean by nothing illegal since (in the US) you can not consent to assault, which means everything is technically illegal.

I've also seen:
knifes
fire
pain
and various types of play

All above are hard limits. I respect that. However, where the subject line comes to play is this. Also mentioned in the profile are comments like "I'm new", "I'm learning", "I'm looking for someone to teach me the ropes" and so on. I read comments like that as "I've never done anything, but I want to learn."

If you want to learn why are you putting up these limits? How do you know that you don't like knife play? What are you calling pain?

So how do you know if you've never done?

HuntertheYeenQueen​(dom femme){Allie Kat} • Dec 1, 2018

For me, my limits are things that gross me out, make me laugh or feel too awkward to find enticing, or things I morally couldn't do.

I /know/ I couldn't cut my husband for pleasure even though blood play is intriguing to me, because the thought of of cutting his skin or doing something so damaging on purpose that it causes bleeding or harm. Luckily my husband doesn't seem to be huge on masochism so it works out.

Potty/bathroom play... it's just disgusting in my opinion. Theres too much risk of getting sick, and no benefits in my mind. No offense if anyone reading this is into it, I just... cant do it.

Big babies/diapers/ect... I cant take it seriously. Again, no offense, it's just something that I personally find ridiculous and therefore would never enjoy it. It would kill my mood instantly. So I wont do it.

And degredation/humiliation... I'm too much of a gentle soul, I'm easily broken down so recieving is not an option for me. And I cant bring myself to do something to humiliate a partner because I would end up thinking too much about how much it would hurt me, so I couldn't enjoy it.

I'm sure theres others. But those are my main hard limits. Most other things I might not be interested in but I'm willing to possibly try. Or I just haven't thought of it yet Haha.

DrWakko • Dec 1, 2018

@ Dark Fox: Thank you for your post. When I wrote this it was from looking at bottom / submissive profiles. I believe that there are some acts like bathroom play that you don't need to try to know that its not for you. However knife play can be done several different ways. It doesn't have to involve cutting or drawing blood.

For me the point of this thread is how can someone put a limit on something basis like knifes when there are several ways to use them and have them used on you. I want to know the thought process of why someone won't do something without trying it or in some cases doing their homework on it.

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Dec 1, 2018

Ok. Wakkky here is my answer and i can only speak for myself.

I don't do blood play, or scat basically due to the fact of serious illness that can happen.

And i have a thing where i cant wear scarfs or turtle necks or and thing around my neck along that line. And as silly as that seems i cant even deal with a sheet over my head or a sheet over someone esles head when they are a sleep due to the believe of not being able to breath.which is even more silly i know but its just how my mind works so i know that anything that would be serous breath control wont work for me.

Permanent marking is going to seem odd also to some seeing that i have tattoos and scars from bite marks by my Wolf which i wear proudly. But i have been tattooed in the past against ny wishes and that totally sucks because now i have a tatoo i never wanted.

Needles also may ssem odd with the fact that tattoos and piercing all invole needles.But i dont see those as needle play. I see things like acupuncture as needle play and that just the thought of freaks me the f'ing out.

Ok as i read my reasons back over i can see how crazy they may be but its me and once again how my mind works. But they are my reasons.

HuntertheYeenQueen​(dom femme){Allie Kat} • Dec 1, 2018

Just some clarification on mine, I have specifically listed that permenant damage is a limit of mine, not knives. Was just using that as an example. Something that will really hurt someone and last longer than just our play is more of what I mean with limits like knives. I understand the points you brought up, knives dont /have/ to hurt or cut and depending on how they're used I could see enjoyment, so I definitely wouldn't put them as a limit. I just don't get pleasure from much in the way of inflicting pain/causing wounds. I'm too... sensitive? Empathetic? I dunno Haha, for that. Minor scars because he made me feel so good I clawed the crap out of him is one thing. Big, lasting scars because of intentionally inflicting damage, it's just not something I'll enjoy. I'll feel guilt over it.

Understanding a little more now what it is that you're asking, I'm curious too as to what makes people list certain things as limits, so maybe someone who could better answer you will chime in and show us both Haha. Sorry for the misunderstanding ^^;

DrWakko • Dec 1, 2018

Let me expand on the limit thing just to make it more fun... For some people there are things they want to do, soft limits and hard limits. For others its a sandbox approach. Everything in the sandbox is good everything on the edge of the sandbox is a limit (ok I'll do it, but I'm not really in the mood / a big fan of) and everything on the "grass" would be a NO.

With both examples kinks / types of play can change day by day, partner to partner or just mood.

For example flogging. One day its in your want to area / sandbox and the next day you really aren't feeling like impact play. Do you move it to the soft limit / limit area or hard limit?

When you are saying something is a limit which area does it fall in? And if you have never had an experience with said limit how do you know which area to put it in (triggers do not apply)

MasterBear​(other butch) • Dec 1, 2018

You dont know-- until you do.

And the inverse is also true.

Try it. See what it feels like.
You may want to try it again.


You may have definate things that you know right off the bat are a no.

Those things may change into a yess over time.

Limits are funny things.


And they dont all have a root.


I was absolute no on watersports and scat in the beginning.

Now that's all changed.

How you feel and process over time changes. So your play and limits will to.

FabSeverus​(dom male) • Dec 1, 2018

Hm my guess regarding children is not involving children play behaviour
For animal well you have been in the scene few years and maybe not seen it but some kinkster include dogs, horses, snakes etc in their sessions. So it might be wise to notify it.
For some the view of a knife is terrifying and don’t even want to see one, either as a phobia or bad experience/trauma.

The choice of limits is dictated by the website options, as there are no hard limits unless you write it yourself.
Where I agree with you by experience is that a sub can change her mind after trying something she thought might be “ limits”.
I would like to add describing a kink you don't like as disgusting could be offensive for others who are into. It’s just not your taste but...

Re: How do you know...

curiouskittyy​(sub female){GentlemanX} • Dec 1, 2018

This is a good question and I can understand what you’re saying. However, I tend to agree with what has already been said. Yes, you may never have tried them and so can’t call it a limit per say... but it holds no appeal whatsoever. The same as with the different types of kink out there that you don’t necessarily want to try. Or it may be just something that scares you or brings to the surface past trauma.

For me personally? Under my ‘limits’ section I have stated clearly that there are things that I am simply not interested in. There are kinda generic and common things like scat, permanent markings and animals, but also thinks like age play. My reasons for these ‘limits’ are simple. I don’t want to even try permanent markings as I prefer privacy and don’t really want marks visible for everyone to see. I am also not into scat or beastility. I read about this kink on a blog once and it turned my stomach. I don’t want to kink shame, as each to their own. But this is just not for me. I also have zero interest in age-play. I also understand what you mean about ‘anything illegal’. Again, for me (personally), I mean anyone underage, anything non-consensual etc. Hope this makes sense.

Miki​(masochist female) • Dec 2, 2018

Speaking for myself, my limits are hard limits. Things I will not try because they're not acceptable to me. Cutting, blood, marking.. anything that is permanent. The other "NO!" is hard pain as in deep bruising and broken bones. I know plenty if not most in here can agree broken bones are not fun in the least. As for tattoos , they fall under "permanent" and off limits. In fact I have none and I plan to keep it that way.

So in general what is permanent or deeply painful (so as to eclipse any pleasure) is my no-go.