Catfished?

Catfished?

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jan 11, 2019

Hello all!



For the last month I've been trapped in the bedroom for the heat. And I have been binge watching a show on MTV call "catfish".


I find it really fascinating. A true study on human behavior in the world of technology.


And I got to thinking, has anybody here been catfished within their BDSM?


Catfish is when someone makes a fake profile to establish relationships.


Having watched the show and quite frankly really loving it, it never ceases to amaze me that the person doing the catfishing really believes that the person who's been catfished should just get over it. A common phrase the cat catfisher uses is" can't we just move on from here?"


One of my biases is considering people in BDSM to be more insightful, have better communication, and a better understanding the self then our vanilla counterparts




But I know that that in real-time this doesn't play out as true. But considering the fact that we do a lot of thinking about what our desires are and who we are, do people in BDSM get catfished and if so what does it look like?

Misanthrope • Jan 11, 2019

Sorry, Bear, this is a completely foreign concept to me. I know it happens, but I've never wanted to remotely figure out why people do it. In my most humble of opinions ( I take great pride in my humble opinions btw), anyone who starts a relationship by purposely deceiving someone isn't worth wasting the breath necessary to say goodbye.

curiouskittyy​(sub female){GentlemanX} • Jan 11, 2019

I love that show! I think that people still try to catfish .. but due to that show, people are much more aware now of what to look out for. Most people tend to send live pics, video chat etc at some point, so I think it’s a lot harder to get away with it now. Though, I think it’s still common for people to be keeping big secrets. For example, I spent a few months getting close to a Dom and arranging to meet him ... only to find out later that he Is married and had no intention of ever meeting me. It came to light that he had done this quite a few times with many subs on here. I’m curious if anyone has actually been catfished on here or in this lifestyle too!

HuntertheYeenQueen​(dom femme){Allie Kat} • Jan 11, 2019

Seeing as how the only person I've been with or even talked to in such a way is Wolfy, I've been lucky. But, I have had friends go through this. It's no fun and the people who do it, disgust me.

Be open and honest. You'll get /nothing/ positive out of lying to get a partner.

It's even worse when it ends up being done for money... :T

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jan 11, 2019

@Josh


I get your point.
However, after watching the show I am blown away by the extreme measures a catfish will do.

One catfisher sent the person they were lying to 10,000$.

Others are skilled manipulators that create not just their profile but 3 others to control the situation.


People who need a way out of their current life meet catfishers that listen and say all the right things. They are skilled at creating a fantasy world.


But most importantly, the ppl being catfished have real emotions of love that drive the relationships.

Tanaquil • Jan 11, 2019

I believe I was catfished by a potential dom/partner last year. As far as I can tell, his entire goal was to engage in some titillating chat and feed me progressively more ridiculous lies until he got bored, at which point he disappeared from both services we were using to communicate. Fortunately, the only damages were my hopes being dashed again - no money or identifying pictures were exchanged. He was excellent at saying what I wanted to hear, keeping me interested and entertained, and stroking my ego.

It would surprise me to learn that a catfisher ever felt bad. They entered a relationship solely for the purpose of deceiving the other party. Adults don't do that unless they're lacking in empathy.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jan 11, 2019

Watched the show and yes I think an attempt was made to catfish me earlier this year, on here, but I sussed them out quickly and reported them. Site admin dealt with it.

TakenLower • Jan 11, 2019

It happens all the time. The best way to nip it in the bud is to have a video chat right away. I loathe video chat lol but I’d be willing to suffer through for verification.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jan 11, 2019

@Tala also do a reverse photo search if they use photos. In my case the photos presented as being them, soon showed up as not being them.

Tanaquil • Jan 11, 2019

dollMaker - good tip. My catfisher got around that by not sharing any pictures at all. Ha. He had a career-related excuse that I later found out was likely bullshit, but who knows? Lots of people in the kink world are worried about privacy, and I've met several without exchanging face pictures first. The main problem was that I wasn't in a position to meet up at the time, so he was able to string me along for a while.