You’re my world. Hang on... who are you again?

You’re my world. Hang on... who are you again?

Bunnie • Mar 20, 2019

I never realised how much of an “all-or-nothing” kind of person I truly am until I started exploring bdsm. Balance is something that just seems so unattainable to me. Even my drive to achieve balance isn’t balanced.

Anyway, the struggle that I seem to constantly have is that when my life is quiet and structured and swimming along nicely, it’s so easy for Him to be the centre of my focus. However, when life becomes busy and I begin to feel overwhelmed, my routine is the first to go, and He, as my priority is close second. Yes, yes I know... how very utterly un-submissive.

I have no idea how to prevent or change this. When I become overwhelmed with life, I seem to literally develop some kind of “amnesia” to everything... every rule we have established, every concept behind everything we have together just disappears, and I go into survival mode. It seems I can either be completely focused on Him or not at all... I just can’t seem to find any *balance* (I’m really starting to hate that word). And then I start hating on myself for not being capable enough to function like a normal adult... or possibly even child for that matter, idk.

Can anyone else relate to this? Any suggestions as to what may help either prevent this from happening, or help in any way? Thank you in advance

Lotus​(sub female) • Mar 20, 2019

I struggle with balance too.

I realize this is probably not the type of answer you are looking for...BUT

I am looking forward to Spring equinox and the full moon this evening as symbols of rebirth and an excuse to set an intention in an area I find myself struggling in (time management). Also, yoga...which is my answer to a lot of life’s questions. It just makes me feel more grounded and focused which who knows, may help you feel more balanced, as well.

Lotus​(sub female) • Mar 20, 2019

I struggle with balance too.

I realize this is probably not the type of answer you are looking for...BUT

I am looking forward to Spring equinox and the full moon this evening as symbols of rebirth and an excuse to set an intention in an area I find myself struggling in (time management). Also, yoga...which is my answer to a lot of life’s questions. It just makes me feel more grounded and focused which who knows, may help you feel more balanced, as well. ??

Bunnie • Mar 20, 2019

Thank you @ Lotus... you absolutely hit the nail on the head with “time management.” This is an absolute weakness for me... one of which I’ve tried to work on forever, and yet somehow still eludes me like a damn dangling carrot. I appreciate your suggestions... Yoga is a big part of my life (again recently), and it really does help me to feel balanced. Meditation too. Thank you

strawberryfield • Mar 20, 2019

I've had the opposite problem, I guess. I manage my time, but it's hard not to focus on him when he isn't around. He isn't consistent and I thrive on consistency.

When he wants or needs me I'm right there. I find that he is there only when he wants to be. So I'm trying to figure out how I let this happen....i guess I give too much of myself.

And that is hard, too.

I'm not sure how to balance things either.

AKittenforSir​(sub female){JohnBond} • Mar 20, 2019

Hmm... I’m curious to see what responses you get in the way of advice, Bunnie. I think balance is something everyone struggles with at some point, both tops and bottoms. I have a hard time with balance, but for me it isn’t a matter of getting caught up in life and forgetting about my Sir, it’s a matter of being so caught up in Sir that the rest of the world just becomes annoying static. I start to view people and activities that I once very much enjoyed as just obstacles between myself and Sir. I don’t want to go to functions or spend time with friends, I only want to be with Sir.

How does your Sir/Master respond and treat you during your distant forgetful times? Is he understanding or does he get aggravated? Does he point out your shortcomings or does he try to help you find a solution? I’m just curious of your dynamic and if he has expressed his dissatisfaction or if this is just your own guilt speaking.

Asteria​(neither female) • Mar 20, 2019

I am very "all-or-nothing" kind of person as well, probably in a bit different way, but still...

I used to have trouble maintaining the rules I've had during some storms in my life. Sometimes I felt like my energy is limited and I can only focus on limited amount of things at a time, and that had influence on my attitude towards rules and established routine - which I actually hated, because, I am the kind of person who gives herself very little room to fail, and I keep torturing myself over every failure.

But I feel that somehow those rules, and even routine, are not the core of D/s. Or rather "my ideal" D/s. While routine and established rules can help to maintain the balance or achieve it, they are not the foundation of a relationship. For me it's the bond that's created, which gives soothing sense of security, even during the most severe storms. And while rules can be adjusted, can be modified when necessary, the bond needs to be like a concrete pillar - hard to destroy.

A thought that has just come to my mind is that maybe a different, special set of rules... some kind of "survival set of rules" adjusted to you and your circumstances might be of help? Something that will either force you to focus completely on a rule / routine (which might help you to "reset" yourself) or will be less engaging and will actually allow you to nurture your D/s while navigating your life in the same time (which in turn might allow you not to feel like you develop "amnesia")?

Redtailedkitty • Mar 21, 2019

We both struggle with this. Life is busy, chaotic at times and stressful. It’s easy to lose focus. Communication has been the key to putting us back on track. When he reinforces (enforces) the dynamic consistently, it helps me immensely. I’ve found that when I’m reminded of my “place” I am more grounded and better able to handle the rest of life. When He is also overwhelmed then I try to step up and keep the dynamic going for both our sakes. When we are both stressed then the D/s seems to be the first thing to go and that is problematic. We have to work together and talk about what we need regularly. In the end, it’s a partnership regardless of who is top/bottom.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Mar 21, 2019

Bunnie do you keep a journal? Maybe instead of trying to find balance, maybe finding the cause might be easier. Journal'ing you might be able to find a pattern, to just before you enter the phase where your to "busy". Sometimes if you locate the trigger, its easier to build a plan for balance.

Bunnie • Mar 21, 2019

Thank you all for your responses and suggestions. It’s been some awesome feedback that I’m definitely going to take on board... greatly appreciated