Sub - Dom - Sadist?

Sub - Dom - Sadist?

Gia Playtime​(sub female) • Apr 29, 2019

So, I have a guy that we started as me dom and him a sub. Then we got more serious and feelings began to grow. Now there's more Dom expressions and requests. In addition, I've found that he is an emotional sadist. He enjoys watching me lose it and turning my own words against me. He wants me to eat all my words, I feel. He's been into kink for 20+ years.

The question, I have no idea what he is or what he wants from me. Sometimes he wants me to peg him with all it implies and other times he's dominating and tormenting me. What is going on?

Azzabackam​(switch male){PawPawGirl} • Apr 29, 2019

He sounds like an extreme switch that got in with you as a sub and never communicated his intentions.

Honestly, that sounds highly manipulative of him.

Gia Playtime​(sub female) • Apr 29, 2019

Yeah, maybe? I really don't know... I'm totally new. Most of the time I'm turned on by it and its fun. I just didn't know this was going to happen.

Gia Playtime​(sub female) • Apr 29, 2019

How rude that I didn't say... Thank you

Azzabackam​(switch male){PawPawGirl} • Apr 29, 2019

It's ok, you don't need to apologize to me.

What you need to know first and foremost is that this specific part is *not* ok: he presented himself as a sub, then sprang his emotional sadism on you after he got you in a relationship.

If a partner *consents* to being in a relationship with a sadist, and *consents* to the pain they inflict, then it's all kosher.

By what you've shared, you signed up for a sub to dominate, not a sadist to screw with your head. His dishonesty is what's most concerning here. It may be fun, but this compromises your ability to get a straight answer out of him when you try to sincerely discuss problems in the relationship.

Sybil • Apr 29, 2019

I agree he sounds like a switch... but that is also manipulative of him as well... I think he should have been honest up front. He only presented one side of myself at first then once he had you in a relationship showed his other side. That is not fair to you and he should have been up front about everything. Even though you enjoy it I still don’t think it is fair to you.

I have a sub who until I came along for the better part of his life has been a Dom 20+ years but he was totally upfront with everything in the beginning. The urges won’t go away he will need that outlet. I would have been upset, and my trust would have been totally broken had he sprung that on my later.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Apr 29, 2019

Your partner may not understand that you need clearer communication. I agree he sings like a switch. And because of that he needs to be a lot more communicative


On that note !!
Welcome!!!!

DrWakko • Apr 29, 2019

Your profile says you are in Berkeley... I suggest you and your partner hop on BART and start attending classes at the Citadel and other BDSM establishments in the area. Talk to the people at Wicked Grounds and they can point you to events and classes that might help you and your partner work things out. Then you and swing by Mr S Leather and go toy shopping.

You have a lot of tools near you. I suggest reaching out and using them.

DW

Gia Playtime​(sub female) • Apr 29, 2019

Thank you, everyone, for the good feedback.

I was a little confused. I think looking at the situation, + your feedback, that he has been a dom and with me, he is a switch and just didn't tell me. I will address it.

DaddyDak​(dom male) • Apr 29, 2019

So sorry you are experiencing this. This type of shady individual is what makes a lot of people so hesitant to enter relationships b/c we never know their true intentions. This sounds wildly manipulative and is only interested in extracting pleasure from you and using you for that as a means to an end.