Trivial pursuit, S & M version.

Trivial pursuit, S & M version.

Justme26 • Jun 13, 2019

Some might think that this is kind of a stupid question but. . . Answer it anyway (or not if you do not want to): You identify as a slave. You have been with your master / owner for a long time, and feel all the deep and complex emotions that you would expect to feel. One day your master tells you to do something that you really badly do not want to do. You explain why you don't want to do it, you beg, etc, but he is adamant. Would you do it?

Of cause it depends on what it is, but try your best to answer the question as it stands. All response appreciated.

Pumpkin29​(sub female){MrWhite} • Jun 13, 2019

This is such a great question. I'm looking forward to reading the replies of others.

As far as my own answer...That's a tough one. Keep in mind I haven't explored my slave-type tendencies other than to wave at them from a distance.

My answer is a solid "maybe."
It depends strongly on why I am opposed to it. Is my hesitation morally based? Fear based? Will it cause me or our relationship irreparable damage in some way?

If I recognised that my Master had my best interests at heart, that the task would not cause us harm, and that my opposition was based solely within my own fear, then I would say I would TRY to do it.

If I believed it would harm me, him, or us, or went against my "moral compass," then I can't give you an answer other than I'm glad I'm not in that position.

I hope if you're faced with this, you find a happy resolution.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jun 13, 2019

Absolutely not. You, any sub, always can say no, call red. Anyone who forces, or demands something that breaks limits or pushes you a place where you can't don't want to go does not deserve that subs submission. In my view its as simple as that. Black and white, cut and dried. Anyone who says it isn't, that that sub, you, must do it, well I say hell no. Being frank its attempted abuse, and by saying it must be done, well what does that say, that they think limit breaking and disregarding someone not wanting to do a thing, negotiated or not just does not stand.

There will be those that say, with scary confidence, assurance, its right, that any sub, must do what their dom says, that slaves have no right to say no, and I am sorry but that is fantasy land and not in my view healthy fantasy land. Its abuse land. A good, ethical, caring relationship is based on ongoning consent, but its consent that is negotiated and can be reveresed at any time. Doesn't matter you did it and enjoyed it a hundered times, that time you don't you have ever right to say no, I can't do it, and freely without consequences be able to say so. Any dom pushes that, makes you feel guilty, or tries to manipulate you into it. RUN.

In a good, caring, ethical dynamic the dom will introduce a new idea way ahead of time, he will present research thay shows he can do it safely and whatever it might be the subs consent must be freely given, given based on full info, risks, dangers etc and the sub must freely agree to it. If it doesnt work out then, the dom should accept that and not make the sub feel anything but loved and cherished. Its as simple as that, a dom must, weigh up their needs against the subs, dominance should come from a good place and being frank that is not a selfish fuck the subs needs and comfort. The single biggest issue with BDSM is those that do not get, understand or appreciate that a very fine line exists between what we do and abuse. Without freely given, informed, freely reversible consent, well that BDSM is based on abuse.

So bottom line is yes, 'You explain why you don't want to do it'. 'you beg' No you don't you simply say no, or red. You do not need to justify your limit. 'He is adamant. Would you do it?' You should not do it. To do it in that context is abuse, and he is no dom, but a selfish abuser. In my opinion. If you do not consent, that is it, the end. The dom should respect that and accept that. If they don't, push it, say you have no right to say no. RUN. Doesn't matter how long the relationship has been happening for. The moment that happens trust is gone, abuse has been attempted. The relstionship is over, and the dom has betrayed everything that BDSM is about, should be about. Limits are sacred, written in stone and any dom says limits are not needed, a sub can't exercise theirs. Say red, no. They are no dom. Again RUN.

Pumpkin29​(sub female){MrWhite} • Jun 14, 2019

@dollMaker, I really love your answer. And I agree with much of what you said. We are humans responsible for our own safety and well-being first. Safewords and reasonable discussion, always.

Please don't read this as argumentative in any way, that's not my intention at all. I'm simply trying to learn as much as possible and respect what I know of your views.
I'm wondering what your view would be if the requested task was outside the realm of play and known limits?

For example, say I was struggling with depression or self harmful behaviour. If my Master used his position of authority to try to encourage me to seek help, that might be something I would not want to do and beg to avoid. Would that change your answer?

Or say the task was something to better myself, but not for my safety or immediate well-being. Like taking a class I'm interested in but have been too shy to attend.

These are obviously not the tasks I thought the original poster was alluding to, but it got me curious about what you thought. I'm hoping you might expand?

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jun 14, 2019

@Pumpkin29 ultimately no, my answer is the same. As far as I am concerned, whether its a kink matter or a vanilla one the other party always retains the right to say no. There are certainly circumstances and situations when for the best possible reasons one would hope that the other party might take advice, encouragement etc but at the end of the day they don't have to and can say no, or walk.

Consent has to be given in everything, and no one can make anyone do anything, even if that thing will actually be the best thing for them. Have I been in that situation? Yes. Was my advice taken? No. They had every right to do and decide what was best for them. As hard as that was to see.

If someone was trying to kill themselves, took an overdose etc then and only in that type of situation do I think one has a moral duty to over ride consent, and try and stop/prevent a death.

Now there are agencies and situations when others can overide a persons choice, but those are legal/medical in nature, and are not really covered here, though I guess if those parties were in some form of relationship where they are next of kin, then certainly they could in a medical situation make choices for the other party, if the situation means that the other party no longer can legally do so. Other than that my answer stands as was.

Azzabackam​(switch male){PawPawGirl} • Jun 14, 2019

Honestly, it really comes down too much to what the thing is.

If it's something lain out as a hard limit, and my supposed Master refuses to let it go, that feels like a pretty disrespectful thing to do on their end. If I have to choose, I'd use my safeword, and leave.

LifeAdventures​(switch female) • Jun 14, 2019

I echo what the others have said. I do believe that hard limits must be respected at all times. I try very hard to not make something a hard limit unless it is important enough to me that I would walk away from my relationship over it.

You stated that you identify as a slave. I feel that once committed, slaves have less say than someone who identifies as sub or even as a sub who likes to play a slave role. Hard limits should still be respected, otherwise it is abuse.

New hard limits can still be added as we evolve on our journey... somethings may no longer be desired for whatever reason or perhaps you had never considered the possibility. I recently read the profile of someone who likes to be tied to a spit and roasted over a fire. New hard limit for me lol. The person even had a link to a professional bdsm bed and breakfast where this fantasy is indulged as safely as possible.

I feel the bdsm dynamic is largely based on trust and exchange of power. All parties have an absolute responsibility to be safe in their actions. I feel an M/s relationship represents a greater degree of trust and exchange of power.

Therefore, if what was being demanded of me did not rise to the level of a hard limit, I would obey. I have not lived an M/s relationship, but I have lived in a Domestic Discipline/HOH marriage where I trusted my husband to lead our home and accepted punishment for breaking rules. Our rules centered around respect, safety and health. I had an amazing marriage until he died a few years ago. We spiced the bedroom up with bdsm, including M/s roleplay.

Best wishes.

Bunnie • Jun 14, 2019

@ Justme26,

Firstly, I’m sorry you’ve been mistaken as a sub.

“You identify as a slave.”

I think ultimately, it depends on what definition of “slave” someone goes by as to what their answer will be.

I think most of these answers have been based around D/s, not M/s. However, that’s where it becomes difficult, because very few people who follow M/s are willing to speak up on this site for fear of being attacked and called abusive or enablers (and those who do the attacking don’t seem to know much about it beyond the usual propaganda)... so as much as it’s a very interesting question, I don’t feel that you’ll get a wide variety of feedback.
I am always open to being proven wrong though

As for the question... for me it’s simple. I wouldn’t be with someone I didn’t trust.

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Jun 14, 2019

I agree with Bunnie .. there is a hugh ocean between being a sub or slave ( not a sub with slave tendencies) and it seems that u are being misunderstood. and unfortunately i also agree that most that follow wont speak up. Although i can state that i have done some research in the hopes of learning and educating myself on the difference and at least from what i have learned from reading and speaking to those here and on other sites about the GOR lifestyle , when truly living as a GOR slave there is not a choice no matter what. Then again that is only based off of what i have learned from said above.

and i know you just said that you identify as a slave. not whether it was GOR or not . so therefore this is just my two cents. hoping that you get the answers that help.

Justme26 • Jun 14, 2019

As I often do, I seem to have caused a curtain amount of confusion here: I identify as a dominant (and I would never put a sub or slave in this position, honest). My question was completely fictitious.

I think that the point of my question was to find out more about how a d/s and an m/s relationship and how clear cut the difference is?

Thanks to all of you for your responses.