Identity

Identity

rosethorn​(sub female) • Jan 19, 2020

Ive started to see being submissive more than just a title or way to define a top or bottom but its becoming part of who i am. Which i suppose has always been there but honestly sucks because its a part of who i am and I can't show that side of myself to anyone other than on here. How much do others identify with the terms we use to define top or bottom.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jan 19, 2020

For me, it wasn't about coming into an identity. It was about having a term for what it was that I was already feeling. When I found the term it was incredibly validating.

rosethorn​(sub female) • Jan 19, 2020

I agree, its more that i feel it represents that part of my personality, a part that i can't currently show. Because of that it seems to speak to a part of me more like an identity than a role or label.... not sure im making sense. Its who i am as a person not just a title

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jan 19, 2020

That makes complete sense. Identity is something that you are all the time. Role is something you slip in and out of as necessary.

rosethorn​(sub female) • Jan 19, 2020

I suppose it was never a role but i could hide it as needed. I can't anymore not as its becoming more of who i am, that becomes really hard in some situations. Like trying to go on a date i aranged everything the first time so im happy with arrangements .... then realised its because the guy cant organise anything. So now im stuck.
I wont wear a pencil skirt with heels in public vanilla land incase it gives it away. Its like hiding a part of who i am. Just realised how much i do stuff like that.

Its challenging at the best of times and exhausting

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jan 19, 2020

That makes a lot of sense. My question to you is have you connected with your local community?

rosethorn​(sub female) • Jan 19, 2020

There isn't much of one here, im trying to get to london. X

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jan 19, 2020

Or start your own.
Basic munchies are easy for the most part.

Likewise...

Leartes​(sub male) • Jan 22, 2020

I likewise do very similar things to make sure my kink/personality aren’t noticeable. I will more than likely never interact in a way other than anonymous with people. unfortunate but that is the time, place, and people I live in/around.

Sorry that isn’t a very positive statement but just wanted to say that I have felt the same way about hiding things.

Erick​(sub male) • Jan 22, 2020

For years I have wished that I could go out in public wearing a nice, tasteful, little black leather collar with a padlock on the back and a steel "O" ring on the front. Hardly any less dignified than a kippah or a bindi or an earring, in my opinion.

I mean, I COULD wear a fetish collar. But I'd have to put up with so much scorn and ridicule (the unwelcome kind) that it wouldn't be worth it.

But times are changing. I expect in an other five years or so, you'll see movie stars and basketball players and politicians rather routinely showing their true S&M colors in public.

I do remember a few years ago being pleasantly surprised to see "The Matrix" creator Larry Wachowski (now LANA Wachowski) holding press conferences with his lover Karin Winslow, also known in Hollywood as Mistress Ilsa Strix.