Pleasure

Pleasure

Breece Not Looking​(sub female) • May 24, 2020

I am new in the relationship with BDSM. My partner has some anger issues and says I choose when to listen to him. Instead of finding a good way to communicate with me he ignores me. This is not what I want, I want to please him, I also want the tender love though too. How do I correct this trait? Just being in the mindset of I want him happy is not enough. I recently lost alot of weight and feel insecure about it. Any tips for that? I'm trying to educate myself on how to be better any help would be appreciated.

rottenbrat​(sub female){Skyrich} • May 24, 2020

Hi Breece,
It's difficult when you want to please someone else and the only way you can find is a way that compromises yourself. I hear some warnings and see some red flags in what you are asking. Please be careful when you give up things you need. Having a loving and gentle partner is not too much to ask. It doesn't have to be that way all the time, but If he is not inclined to give it at all for what you need....... well, then he is telling you a very poignant message that you need to listen to very carefully.
Also, traits whether they are his or yours....... this is not something you can or should "fix". They are there for a reason. What is the reason? Investigate, ask questions, listen to the answers, and decide what you can accept and what you can't. Then move forward from there. If he is unable to communicate with you in a healthy way, and has no inclination to fix it of his own volition to better your relationship, then he may not be the right person for you. Only you can make that determination, but it sounds like a huge red flag to me.
I hope you two can find a happy medium.
Keep in mind that what you term "Ignoring" may be his version of taking time away to process what he doesn't understand.

Dellydoodah​(neither female) • May 24, 2020

Agrees with everything Rottenbrat says
adds..
you're way too good for him

Quirkyrebel​(sub female) • May 24, 2020

Try not to strain yourself over pleasing someone who doesn't put in the effort to communicate. If they ignore you do you think that they want to welcome you like you deserve? Think twice before jumping into something that you'll regret later. And waste your time and energy on. Find someone who knows how to treat you properly. There is nothing wrong with how you want to help. But some people act rudely because their bad news. Keep an eye out! Hope this helps. Watch out for the anger... you do not know this person. Not if you haven't met up and started things off well. I don't mean to judge.

Quirkyrebel​(sub female) • May 24, 2020

Even better is to describe their anger and emotional availability so others can help you.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • May 25, 2020

Adding BDSM to a relationship will not solve relationship or personality problems, it will compile them. BDSM or not, you mention he has an anger issue, BDSM doesn't give him a right to bring anger into the relationship, even if it is BDSM.

You being "more" isn't the issue. HE needs to be "MORE" .

Anger isn't BDSM it is abuse and it makes you a victim, not a submissive! Anger brings chaos, the reverse of what a submissive needs. If he says your not listening and then gets angry, how is that guiding you or helping you? its not, it will build and create resentment or amp up fear of him (the very things you said you didn't want). Resentment isn't good for BDSM or your base relationship.
Rottenbrats given you some great advise (and said it so well). I really do hope HE can step up and see to his issue for you BOTH. Anger always has a underlying bigger issue. Maybe its time to talk that bigger issue out and find its cause. ...you cant always be the blame, just because your the submissive.
I really hope it all works out for you BOTH.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • May 25, 2020

I walked away and then thought, I'm not being fair to Breeces partner. He has no voice, since he isn't here. We only have your words to go off and limited information and no body language to read.

I'm not expecting an answer but Breece, you also need to evaluate just what are you not hearing and how important is it to him, that you hear. Anger and frustration can be different (but still not a defense). If he feels overly deflated every single time, telling you the same thing over and over again....yeah! frustration can appear like anger, more so if you have confidence troubles(they both often share the same cause)
For EG I just read your profile and you mention a lot the sexiness within BDSM, would the stuff your "not hearing" be maybe, because it is based in a non sexy situation? Are you and your partner on the same page as where BDSM starts and finishes? Have you negotiated how you react, when your not hearing? How he reacts to you not listening (protocols) if your 24/7 could it be the non sexy situations your not responding to? Again, not excepting an answer, just trying to help you find your own answer, like you asked. if you have different love languages, the messages might not be as clear. Again I'd have the same reply as I did above (anger doesn't work for anyone), start a conversation well away from any BDSM and really open up to each other.

Also congrats on the weight loss

Re: Pleasure

Breece Not Looking​(sub female) • May 25, 2020

Breece Not Looking​(sub female) • May 25, 2020

I can be a brat sometimes which I'm working on. But good and bad days still bring me joy.

rottenbrat​(sub female){Skyrich} • May 25, 2020

There is nothing wrong with the right kind of bratting. Asking questions is not bratting either.... remember that.
It's the tone and snark that come out through what you do, and the intent you do it with.