Sub space

Sub space

danio{Up for it} • Jun 13, 2020

Hey all!

So I’m new to the BDSM life but I’ve always had an interest in it and the more I look into it the more I like it. I have a question about incorporating it into your life.

I have a job that requires me to always be professional and take the lead in a lot of aspects. I also work long days. I identify as a switch with more sub tendencies than anything else.

How do subs handle not being able to be in sub space? I struggle with this aspect because my job doesn’t allow for it and I don’t have the ability to be myself because of it.

SinfulKitten​(sub female) • Jun 13, 2020

I'm still relatively new to this, but here's the advice I can offer. I'm coming to learn there's times where you're just not in a sub space or can't be, and that's totally fine and human. But then there are others, who are more often in a sub space than not, and I too am one of them.

For the times it seems I can't be in that space, like with my job as well, what I've done is I've looked at it as a command. The Dom I've had would make it a command to go to work and kick and ass, and I'd thrive in that, knowing it was something that was asked/required of me to behave in that certain way for a period of the day. I could really wrap my head around viewing it that way. I hope that makes sense, and hopefully helps you some!

TeachMeSomeManners • Jun 13, 2020

Thank you for this post!

I too am new and trying to figure out how to find the balance between the professional world and sub-space! Hopefully, we both can learn from the replies your post receives!

DomiDom​(dom male) • Jun 13, 2020

it depend on your approach to it , nonetheless I know a lot of sub's with managerial jobs and dom's with more floors type of jobs .. unless you own your own business you are in a professional world where everyone is always the subaltern of someone . now its up to you to partition the two things ... if you can't then its a bit more complicated ... taking the bedroom or the donjon to work ... its not always a good idea . keep them separated and you should be fine !

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Jun 14, 2020

This is going to sound pedantic but I think it needs to be said ...can I be the word police and point out the word you need is "head space" not "subspace" we all still get what you mean but I feel the right words will also help you in the future. Calling these two things the same could cause you massive issues in the future as the two are VERY different.

In short: "subspace" isn't all the time because you are submissive.
Subspace is a Chemical reaction in your brain as a result from stimulus of play (more often than not due to pain).
Head space is where your mind is (focused on pleasing) as a submissive.
You need to in sub head space (ready to serve), playing to get to subspace (that floaty disconnected, drug like state, like a runners high almost <different to orgasm>)

So to answer your question: You don't need to be in a sub head space/mindset all the time and more so while at work, if your job doesn't call for it or its unsafe but if you did wish to be, there are things your Dominant can do, to help you maintain a submissive mind set, Normally how you are to react in ALL situations (work, home, public etc) is negotiated by BOTH parties prior to anything happening.

If you did wish a submissive mind space at work. Small reminders can work like meaningful jewelry (that trigger a memory of play) or where the Dom/me has selected your outfits/underwear. Some even wear rope corestry under work clothes. Some of subs wear plugs. Do tasks on down time etc. OF COURSE EVERYTHING NEEDS TO ON THE DOWNLOW, OTHERS AT YOUR WORK HAVEN'T GIVEN CONSENT

LaVieEnRose​(sub female){Kintsugi} • Jun 14, 2020

What MissBonnie has said! I was trying to figure out how to word it so eloquently but she beat me to it.

I am in a position of “power” if you will and for me to be anything but in that position would affect my job. However, there was one Dom I spoke with/speak with who had/has rules that for a few minutes of my day I am able to be reminded of being a sub. Obviously all discretely done and only we know about it, but maybe something like that can help? Or like Miss Bonnie mentioned a bit of discrete jewellery?

mature breastman • Jun 14, 2020

Thank you for this topic and for the previous shares. I want to expand on a point Miss Bonnie made about touch-stones or trigger points that can keep you balanced as you perform your role at work. As was previously shared, I have had success in giving direction about how my Sub is to behave at work, which is to Kick Ass and Take Names, as they say. I also selected her bra and panties for her daily, depending on the demands she expected that day. The more she had to be "in control" the sluttier the lingerie choice for the day. Finally, a small piece of jewelry can be a strong centering device to be used during the day. To make that piece of jewelry more powerful (I have used a small pendant as one example) we used it extensively in our play before she wore it to work. The chain was tied to her nipples. It spent time in her pussy and around my cock. All designed to give that small piece of jewelry power!

Best wishes for a successful separation and safe blending of your roles as professional and natural submissive. It can be done and it will be wonderful for you!

lil'slut​(sub male){Collared} • Jun 15, 2020

I really don't have a lot to contribute here. I did but while waiting for the site to allow me to post I see some wonderful answers. The only thing I can add from my personal experience, is to try hard not to over think it. I can't tell you how many times I've pulled myself out of both sub space and sub head space trying to chase one or the other. I'm sure others are different just my experience.

Trance

Cello Master​(dom male) • Jun 15, 2020

I use hypnosis to keep my dub/ slave in a blissful sub space for as long as she needs it, Incorporating things within her day that will help trigger her to feel me inside of me, or to feel like she’s obeying me.. or whatever she needs... I can also give her orgasms during her workday when she completes certain tasks… All of this is done hypnotically while in trance earlier before her workday…

Breece Not Looking​(sub female) • Jun 17, 2020

Some really good advice on this topic. I would love nothing more than to stay home and cater to him. But he makes me work. I work as a secretary, which is hot in so many ways. But I enjoy flipping that switch at 5 o'clock. I enjoy tasks he sends me to do while I'm at work. I am reminded I'm submissive to him. It takes a good guy to help you balance. Patience. 🌼