Sadism and Masochism

Sadism and Masochism

KnottyBunny • Aug 25, 2020

Why are Sadists and Masochists considered to be a part of the "lifestyle"?

In my own experience lately, describing what I need as a masochist even to a seasoned "sadist", they run.

I dont need a safe word. No one has brought me to the point that I feel the need for one from too much pain. And I have encountered a true Sadist. Completely an honor too. As Im sure he feels the same way about encountering me. But thats where it stops. No feelings. Just pure give/get pain. No, "Thank hou", no "That was great", no "I will talk to you tomorrow". Its just nothing. No words exchanged.

There are no rules for us.

Why are we classified in the BDSM community?

There is nothing SSC about us.

Can anyone answer me?

KnottyBunny • Aug 25, 2020

That is where we have "evolved" to I should say. Started out as D/s but giving and getting the pain we need to give/get... we have evolved out of the "lifestyle" I believe. Very eye opening.

hank submissive male​(sub male) • Aug 25, 2020

what is scaring people off is that you do not have a safe word . What is your tolerance for pain ? They do not want to just beat or whip you until they are no longer comfortable giving such severe pain they wonder do you want blood or permanent scarring a lot of Doms are not into that.

KnottyBunny • Aug 25, 2020

I did not say I was talking to "Doms" . A Sadist is not a "Dom". I don't think anyone here really understands what a true sadist and masochist are. I find it weird that we are even classified in BDSM when we are shunned in this "lifestyle" for our beliefs.

And my question wasn't why they are running...

hank submissive male​(sub male) • Aug 25, 2020

even sadists have their limits sorry if I misread your question

Taramafor​(sub male) • Aug 25, 2020

I don't need a safe word either.

Because, frankly, it's no replacement for proper and clear communication.

A lot of people assume not having a safe word translates to being careless. I leave those idiots to their assumptions. Those that stick around know what I can handle and what sends me over the edge.

As for what "no limits" means, what that actually means is "I'm into a lot more and can handle a lot more then most others". Because let's face it. Some people play it safe and some like to explore a LOT more. That's just the simple fact of the matter. Obviously we all have our "breaking points", but some people can like and even prefer pushing those. Long as danger and safety is kept in mind and it makes people happy, what's the harm?

Also, even if a sadist doesn't have to be a dom, a number of sadists are or/and can be. A sadist at the end of the day is someone giving the masochist direction. Inflicting the pain. While a masochist "accepts" the pain. But it helps to have reasons for said pain as well. Enhances things. etc. It can easily be a being firm/putting someone in line thing. So obviously it will tie in with D/s as well.

KnottyBunny • Aug 25, 2020

I guess I still don't see how it ties into the lifestyle. In my experience, this true Sadist would not tell me to do anything, they are the ones doing it all. No direction, just take and make. I guess the only tie it would have would be trust. But that would be it. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Taramafor​(sub male) • Aug 25, 2020

Because for some people it's a way of life. To be with someone at all times and know that at any time (or even all the time) their partner can do as they please. Or vice versa. Or both.

While a sadist (and a dom) does take initiative, saying that they should "do it all" implies they should "do all the work".

The statement of "They are the ones doing it all" and "no direction" also contradicts. What's more, the later is blind. Lack of awareness equals danger.

Actions ARE directing. They DO something to you. You (or they) respond. That is direction. Action and reaction. You don't just blindly prod willy nilly. You (or in this case, they) know what points to strike to get a positive reaction. Or negative, if that's the goal. This applies both with S/M and D/s alike. Among other matters.

So what exactly are you trusting someone with? You don't just go "leave it at trust". It's important to discuss "with what". Not the safe labels. Not the context itself.

djinni​(dom female){smplylaura} • Aug 25, 2020

The SM is sadism and masochism... it’s literally part of the acronym. So it’s at the root. Not every lifestyle interaction is going to be Dom/sub. The umbrella of the lifestyle had covered, and continues to cover many new things. I have a strong aversion to micro/labeling or trying to put things in tidy boxes to make it seem more palatable. I do believe in letting people be themselves as long as it falls within consent.

KnottyBunny • Aug 25, 2020

Thank you. Everyone I've talked to just tells me "Well thats not BDSM". Everyone gets hung up on the feelings of it all and needing to care. We just don't care and won't.