Daddy, calling other submissives “Good Girl”

Daddy, calling other submissives “Good Girl”

MandyJ • Feb 11, 2021

Hi, I have a general question, my Daddy called another submissive a “good girl” in an online group tonight, am I overreacting or is this not okay? I feel like He should not be calling someone else “good girl.” Thank You

MissBonnie​(dom female)​{oz} • Feb 11, 2021

for me it depends on the context. context is king!

alawey​(sub female)​{(OWNED BY } • Feb 11, 2021

I agree the context is the key....

Now in any relationship it boils dont to trust and honesty . I dont know if this relationship is a new one , a online one, an LDR, or IRL ( 24/7) ? But either way it's all about honesty and trust.

And "true good dom" will listen to what you have to say and take it into consideration. That doesn't mean you tell him and he will just adapt or do it. It means if you tell him what you feel about it. He will think on it and come back and talk to you about it.

Bunnie • Feb 11, 2021

I have a pretty strong reaction to being called a “good girl” by anyone I don’t belong to, and feel that it’s actually quite a cheap shot. We all within the lifestyle know how much that is a trigger phrase for submissives. So I can understand how it caused discomfort for you, definitely.

Sithech​(dom male) • Feb 12, 2021

I say no, because with the daddy dynamic it is all about trust and a closed relationship. If not the baby girl is vulnerable.

MountaintopMaster • Feb 12, 2021

Since other replies have talked about "context" but not given an example, here is one:

It might be considered acceptable if, in casual conversation in an open, public discussion, a Dom is speaking about someone: "yes, she seems like a very good girl..."

It might NOT be considered acceptable at all, of course, even in a public group, to speak directly to that person, and simply say, "Good girl."

For many, saying "Good girl." as a simple statement could very loosely be converted from the D/s world into a vanilla "I love you." Of course, for many submissives who have strong, deep connections in D/s, it means way more than that, indeed! In fact, it could make "I love you!" pale in comparison to some of the heart-melting feelings that "Good girl!" can induce.

TLDR, it's probably less of a serious issue when spoken in passing as part of a less direct conversation, however, as soon as it starts being spoken directly to someone, it is clearly a level of D/s "flirting" that is likely to be highly unwelcome, both for the person being told that, and the dominant's actual submissive (girl).

To me, YUP, it does indeed imply any number of BAD things, such as, "I'm not really taking this seriously, I just like to flirt and get a rise out of women!" ...or, of course, "Yeah that's right, I do whatever I want, I don't respect other dominants and submissives, and would 'fool around' with them in a heartbeat if I could!"

Either way, definitely a little bit of, or one giant, red flag.

Miki • Feb 13, 2021

Jealous much? Seems to be what he is angling at. Just You be You.. What he comes home to.. I think he loves it..

You'll be fine.

(and if you give head, do some biting.. He will get the message!!!)

plaguebabe​(sub female) • Feb 13, 2021

Nope not okay. Honorifics are earned and should be highly valued. I wouldn't stand for that at all.

OneStripe​(dom male) • Feb 13, 2021

I definitely feel uncomfortable saying that to another submissive. I’ve said it occasionally in a flirtatious way to friends who know something about my BDSM facets, but the aim was definitely either to elicit a reaction in someone who I’d consider a latent submissive or to be playfully taunting with someone more dominant.

I think you definitely have cause to be hurt and should ask your Daddy not to, as you consider it something he says to you, and it’s special. Then unless he’s being deliberately antagonistic for some reason he should see how you could be hurt, and how hurting you accidentally is careless when you are in his care. Daddy should only hurt you very deliberately.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Feb 14, 2021

Miki​(masochist female) "Jealous much? Seems to be what he is angling at. Just You be You.. What he comes home to.. I think he loves it..
You'll be fine."
... Miki I have seen you say on many threads that you are not here looking for a relationship. So how the hell can you tell someone how to feel who is in one? And "Jealous much" Is just rude.
.......

MandyJ - "Hi, I have a general question, my Daddy called another submissive a “good girl” in an online group tonight, am I overreacting or is this not okay? I feel like He should not be calling someone else “good girl.” Thank You"
.......
While I don't like that particular phrase, If it was a special term between us, I would be pissed. People who flirt or play with intimate phrases always make me doubt them. I am never convinced that they are taking any of it seriously.

So if that upset you, you should tell him. Odds are he'll say he was joking but if it is important to you, you need to express that and if it happens again you will have to decide if this is a person who is taking you and your dynamic seriously.

I've seen this on Dr. Phil type shows, where one partner/spouse is doing something and the other is very bothered by it. Such as the husband frequents strip clubs even though his wife has expressed that it bothers her. So the whole discussion is about strip clubs and I keep thinking, they're all missing the point.

It isn't really about what your partner does, it's that he/she does it and is comfortable knowing it upsets you. To me, that is the type of thing that erodes the foundation of any relationship.

So depending on how important that phrase is to you in your dynamic, you may have to process this on a deeper level. And if it upset you immediately, you might have already had thoughts that things aren't as they should be.

Expressing yourself is the first step in taking care of yourself. And like it or not, we all have to do that regardless of our dynamic.

H*