How do you like to be approached?

How do you like to be approached?

Sinity​(dom female) • Mar 29, 2021

Many people here are searching for a connection and others are looking to simply converse and be part of the community. In every case, there is a way you want to be approached the first time. Do you like small talk? What names or titles do you think is appropriate right away? Are there taboo subjects in the first few messages?

House Talion​(dom male) • Mar 29, 2021

Cordially. Show your intentions. Present yourself as though applying for a job with a verbal resume.

yourbootsownme​(sub male) • Mar 29, 2021

Say hello, initiate conversation on any topic. If she wants to move directly into discussion of kinks, state her intentions. If this is online, mention how she found me or why she chose to message me.

I know how I DON'T like to be approached, but those approaches are 99.99% of the time scam artists looking for hungry subs. "Are you ready to serve me in all things without question?" as an opening line...."Tell me all your dirty secrets" as an opening line, etc.

MisterAshmodai​(dom male) • Mar 29, 2021

Just offer any sort of salutation. Say hello, good (time of day), bon (temp du jour), hey, greetings, ‘ello, whatever.
(Don’t start the conversation with ‘whatever’; it makes a poor first impression).

I don’t need a book and I would not give you one in the first message. I get that it takes time and effort to formulate a well-written intro message, and that there is no guarantee I will reply, regardless of your efforts.
So, just start off nice and easy.

I will see your message, look over your profile, decide if I am interested, and respond with a message that takes the next step.
(This depends on your profile. If you have nothing in your profile, or spend the entire time talking about your dog, or how much you like ponies, that is fine, but know that my initial questions are going to be about what you are here for.)

Once the conversation has started, answer the questions I ask. If something asked genuinely offends you, I am more than willing to listen to why it offends you and respond accordingly. What I do not get is the whole ‘don’t ask me what I am into’ mentality.
I get that it is scary to state your needs sometimes, especially if you have been judged for them before, but even though I am going to make an obvious practice of taking what I want from any dynamic formed, I am also concerned with what you want.

Effective communication is key.

Kiyattle​(switch male) • Mar 29, 2021

I would like a more direct approach, and I wish more people would communicate directly. Personally one of the things that appeals to me about kink and the BDSM community is how direct and honest it can be. There's enough uncertainty in everyday life already, no need to exacerbate the problem by beating around the bush in a community where we're all bearing our freak flags as much as anyone could in the first place.
The worst thing that could happen is you get rejected by someone on the internet, right? The stakes are about as low as it gets.

MasterDomDok​(sadist male){you?} • Mar 29, 2021

Simple question, rough to answer. I've seldom been approached, so nearly all of them have turned out to be useless scammers. The instant anyone asks for any form of remuneration, they are instantly blocked.

SO! Convince me you are not one: keep the approach simple, BUT! have enough substance in your profile to twitch my attention positively. Kink listings help, answers to the questions list help more. Long drawn out history ravings in the text had better list some evidence of BDSM activity, or at least dreams/fantasies.

If you are a newbie, say so, then present some form of longing for something specific in BDSM land. Surely you are here because you have experienced some form of cravings. Spell them out.

Does that help?

Big Tex • Mar 29, 2021

With respect..

Sinity​(dom female) • Mar 29, 2021

For myself, I prefer one approaches me after reading my profile. I like conversation but I don't like to be the only one participating. I dislike assumptions being made about me, I prefer to be asked. I also dislike people only contacting me because they are sexually desperate.

Richlydefined​(sub female){Gardener} • Mar 29, 2021

I am very rarely approached but those who try and succeed with me are the ones who just start with a simple conversation. I like things that grow organically because I've found if you force it or you go in with expectations they are more often than not disappointing.

Rivermxl • Mar 29, 2021

So far, it has been exceedingly rare for me to be approached by someone else. That being said, I actually prefer that someone just makes the choice to approach me, I'm confident about my capacity and energy to handle approaches I don't like or don't feel completely comfortable with.

Basically, I prefer setting limits as I go, since they tend to change from person to person.