Familiar faces

Familiar faces

CSI • Feb 7, 2022

Let's say you recognize someone on here. It happens. Usually I don't care. But what if the person is the partner of an acquaintance or a friend of yours and the friend has made it clear they are in a monogamous committed relationship, but the partner is listed as single. Do you say anything to anyone? Would it depend on how close you are to the friend?

Knightsundere​(sub male) • Feb 7, 2022

I'd mention it, yeah. Kink isn't an excuse to cheat. Worst case scenario the other half says "oh, right, we're experimenting with some stuff, but thanks for the concern!". I'd probably make sure to show the other half your evidence though, being vague might cause undue stress :<

Might.. not be worth the headache if the two are known for drama though.

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Feb 7, 2022

Mmm ... that's tricky ...

They may be monopolous ( sorry I know that wasnt spelled right).
Honestly though it's really no ones business but theirs. I think that unless its someone that you are very very close( and even then unless something was brought up to you about it)to I don't think that would say anything.

On the other hand . If something did come up by the partner in passing with you. I think you would need to decide if you wanted to out yourself ( if they dont know). And maybe make a passing comment about how honestly is so important.

But what do I know really, not much.

IowaDom​(dom male) • Feb 8, 2022

Personally, I would have to respect the community. What happens or is seen here is protected by a group trust, and I would have to honor my word I gave when I joined it.

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Feb 8, 2022

This makes me very uncomfortable. I may be in the minority but I do not agree that anything and everything we witness should be honored and protected. This has given me something to reflect on in more detail when I have more time though. Thanks for the inspiration for a future blog. 🙂 (Not being sarcastic)

IowaDom​(dom male) • Feb 8, 2022

Let me be a tad more specific. We were speaking SPECIFICALLY about coming across somebody we know and outing them for their desire to cheat. In that SPECIFIC situation, i STAND BY MY WORDS 1000% because to be totally honest, their relationship is THEIR business, not mine. Too often people charge on headfirst into other peoples lives when the simple truth is .... we have not a clue what goes on behind closed doors, and yes, they deserve the same privacy we all enjoy here, regardless of any personal judgements we might have made

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Feb 9, 2022

Now that I have some free time to waste, I'll be more specific, too. Here is the original question:
"What if the person is *the partner of an acquaintance or a friend of yours* AND *the friend has made it clear they are in a monogamous committed relationship, but the partner is listed as single.* Do you say anything to anyone? Would it depend on how close you are to the friend?"

Here is where you and I differ. My course of action would depend on how well I knew the other partner. If the seemingly in the dark partner is someone I'm close with and have any respect for, I'd draw on what I know of them - in other words, "Is this person the type who'd *want* to know of any possible breach of trust?" I've known more than a few people who'd rather remain clueless about certain subjects so I'd be doing them no favors to overburden them.

I'd also take into consideration whether or not the person is aware of my own kink. I have people in my life I'd never consider mentioning my kink to, not because I'm ashamed, but rather that it would be offensive to them and knowing this it would be thoughtless of me to impose it on them. Now - if, on the other hand, they are a casual acquaintance, I'd be inclined to do as you so vehemently stressed - MIND YOUR OWN DAMNED BUSINESS!"

Personally? I'd love to have a friend that's caring enough to look out for *my* best interests rather than protect my spouse/partner because of an unspoken kink code. Good thing we all get to examine and determine our own philosophies and morality isn't it?

Bunnie • Feb 9, 2022

Is it a possibility to approach the partner and speak with them? Perhaps they’re simply seeking knowledge to “spice things up” for their relationship, or maybe they’re finally feeling comfortable to begin exploring that aspect of themselves they’ve always known was there. As much as majority behaviour suggests, I still believe that not everyone who arrives here that is partnered is necessarily here to cheat. I do believe that there are a few exceptions who are honestly just seeking knowledge and guidance.
My suggestion would be to give them the benefit of the doubt first. Ask them if they need help. If they are looking to cheat, explain to them the awkward situation you find yourself in and maybe even ask them what they think should be done, and why.
As much as we all want to be able to say “yes, the right thing is to tell your friend”… remember how often it is the messenger that “gets shot” in these scenarios… almost always. Be careful, approach with mindfulness, and stick with facts (not speculation) as best you can.

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Feb 9, 2022

Extreme snip for focus:



This is why I specified that I'd take into consideration how my friend typically reacts to situations. And make no mistake, unlike a few people here seemed to assume, I'm not a busy body looking for someone to arbitrarily out for the fun of it. I do find it remarkable that so many would choose to show fealty to an unspoken kink code rather than loyalty to a friend. I also think that if the one doing the advertising was just seeking friendship and someone to talk to they'd be honest about their relationship status. It's not just the current spouse being impacted but any potential kink types that might fall into this triad.

(If I found out a friend chose loyalty to some amorphous kink community over ME, they'd be off my Christmas card list and feeling the many pricks of the needles I jam into my voodoo doll likeness of them)

Re: Familiar faces

DrWakko • Feb 9, 2022

This is a fun little gray area. The OP never mentioned when they were told the monogamous line. They could of opened up the relationship over New Years. They could have a hall pass (allows you to “cheat” once). They might not of told anyone anyone, because they didn’t know how they would be judged.

Now the fun part. So what do you? If you ask the “cheating” partner and they say “yes” what do you do with the information? What if they say “no” and you think they are lying? Do you talk to the partner being “cheated” on which could cause major conflict in their relationship (even if nothing is going on).

It’s a tough place to be in. You don’t want to see your friends hurt and you don’t want to cast blame or accuse someone of something not true.

This is not a fun place to be in.

DW