Seeking Advice: Sub Drop

Seeking Advice: Sub Drop

fluffypoppet​(sub female){Protected} • May 12, 2022

TL;DR what’s you care plan for dealing with drop alone?

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While I was raw dogging the whole sub drop scene this week it occurred to me that someone somewhere might have ideas for care plans designed to make it less awful??? Because really… any advice would be much appreciated.

Physically: not so bad, exhaustion, loss of appetite… a few random tears here and there…
Mentally: this is where it hurt… my darkest thoughts just ran a train on my poor brain.

Really… the suicidal ideation was a huge clue that I was not myself. (Since it seemed dramatic I kept trying to dismiss it and it kept popping up like it wanted me to know about my cars extended warranty.) I still didn’t put the pieces together until my dom weighed in.

Anyway… it isn’t how I pictured us playing doctor but if the diagnosis fits. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Understanding the problem was nice… but fixing the problem was a whole other thing… because really… I just want some freaking cuddles. And the cuddles I want are not available.

I do have some fuzzy blankets and I placed an order for a squishmallow to see if I can get some good cuddle action on demand. But really… given the severity I’m hesitant to just assume that’s gonna cover it should it happen again.

I’m super new at this. (Baby’s first sub drop awwww…)

I have a few questions:
- what’s the first indicator for you that you’re gonna drop? Is it consistent from time to time?
- Whats your plan if you drop? (Especially if you’re coping alone.)
- Any must-haves for the care kit? (Please, tell me to buy more squishmallows.)

Thanks in advance.

Heero​(dom male) • May 12, 2022

Ultimately, subdrop occurs because of hormonal imbalances/receptor overloads, so how to prevent them or predict when they would occur is very individualistic. However, generally we know where it comes from and some things that can help.

Here is an article that explains sub-drop in deliberately over-simplied terms: https://medium.com/through-the-eye-of-the-prism/experiencing-sub-drop-53c6c8d3c6dc It also gives some tips for managing it when it occurs.

Here is another article throwing out some ideas for managing sub-drop: https://coffeeandkink.me/2017/10/23/subdrop/

Generally, I think these tips can work even if you're just feeling down.

Fuzzy blankets and cuddles can help

For your questions:
- what’s the first indicator for you that you’re gonna drop? Is it consistent from time to time?
You don't always know you're going to drop, but it is a good idea to be prepared for it if you have a particularly euphoric/emotionally intense experience. It won't necessarily be consistent as you won't always be able to quantify euphoria. You won't be able to say, oh, I am 113% happier than I've ever been, or today was 87% as enjoyable as yesterday. So, in that way it is tough. Just be aware of your feelings, especially around emotionally intense ("positive") situations.

- Whats your plan if you drop? (Especially if you’re coping alone.)
The articles above have some suggestions and others can do so as well. Personally, if a sub of mine drops, aftercare and a lot of communication is the way to go, and I may suggest doing certain things and keep checking in. It is very individualistic. I don't have a set of very specific things I always do. Generally there is a direction you want to go into, but specifically activities may vary somewhat.

- Any must-haves for the care kit? (Please, tell me to buy more squishmallows.)
If squishmallows make you happy and calm you down and get you out of your head, then yes, buy more squishmallows. Other ideas for what to have in a care kit are at the above links.

Hope that helps.

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • May 12, 2022

My number one rule is: talk to your dominant and tell him how you're feeling. Just reconnecting to the person and getting your feelings off your chest really helps a lot. It shows you aren't alone and often the other partner is feeling the same way. That simple anchor to the original connection can make the difference.

There's supposed to be a "rule" that the parties speak the day after a scene to make sure everyone is okay with what went on. My dominant doesn't do this, but I think it's a really good idea.

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • May 12, 2022

Before offering any ideas for how to deal, I'd be interested in knowing *why* you're not getting any support from your dominant? You mentioned he "diagnosed your problem" but instead of working to help you, he's leaving you to cope with the situation alone - to the point of asking advice from strangers despite you expressing suicidal ideations. That reaction (non-reaction actually) speaks volumes to me.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • May 12, 2022

To go along with what Heero mentioned, for *ME* doing some sort of physical activity, something that gets your heart pumping helps. It reactivates all those happy joy joy hormones and at THAT point, as you do your "cool down", those hormones won't drop quite so severely.

For me, it's that sudden stop that is the hardest so doing a gradual slow down of activities helps.

Zelia • May 12, 2022

I always plan FOR drop after a session, whether it’s in person or a planned video call.
These are the basics of what I do
- make sure the house is spotless prior so that I can rest afterwards
- have nutritious food in the fridge for a few days
- wine and chocolate available
- bubble bath, moisturiser and soft pjs
- have a book or Netflix series lined up
- playlist from my Master or just music we have used when we are together
- candles
- we take pictures when we are together. I edit these and send them to my Master. It helps me remember and process what may be unclear due to sub space
- writing to Him, recounting our time
- He ensures He calls, as often as needed
- We message more frequently
- He reminds me it’s normal and will pass
- He makes sure I take care of any bruising etc
- Our established protocols and rituals ensure I meditate, do some yoga and train hard and that it’s not skipped even if I feel rough

Suicidal ideation is worrying, it can happen but I think exploring the trigger for it, identifying any persistent thoughts pattens and working through them in order that you don’t drop so hard on future is required. Drop is normal but I’d argue that suicidal ideation must be avoided if at all possible. You’ve done the right thing reaching out and talking about it. Be kind to yourself, it will pass.

fluffypoppet​(sub female){Protected} • May 12, 2022

Hi,

Three things:
1- My dom isn’t local. He cannot be here. He knows me so well he recognized a shift in me that I didn’t quite know how to articulate. He is diligent in all things- especially when it comes to my well-being.
2- I did a terrible job of communicating about the experience. I used vague language with my dom and I feel pretty guilty about it too. It felt too alarming and dramatic and isolating and awful to put into words at the time. Even though I’d read about it before (because my dom sent me educational info ages ago) I didn’t recognize it when it happened.
3- I’m ✨new✨ everyone in the BDSM community is a stranger except my dom. Folks around here seem to know stuff so I figured I’d ask and maybe eventually make some friends.

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • May 12, 2022

Welcome. It *is* good that you're asking for advice and I am sure you'll make some friends as well. 🌻

One thing to consider though - once your dominant became aware of your struggle, I would have expected him to offer much the same advice and suggestions folks here have offered since he has some experience. Please continue to communicate your needs to him and ask that he be more responsive in the future when he sees you struggling. A voice chat, a video chat, emails, texts - whatever means available would benefit you so very much in times like this. I hope your squishmallow helps. They're so stinkin' cute! ☺️

FlipSide1481​(dom male) • May 12, 2022

Your doing the hardest part now... Acknowledging that you experienced this with your partner and then communicating about it and forming a plan for the future.

I think there can be fear in admitting to drop especially when it was a fantastic experience or fantasy fulfilled. I don't want to make my partner feel bad and I want to continue to have great experiences so it is easier to hide the emotion.
Be Open about it.

For me learning that I needed reaffirm consent and enjoyment were huge... Learning what you need will be a journey, stay in the path.

Zelia • May 12, 2022

I never feel bad discussing drop. It’s not an indication that anything went wrong. I think it’s hard to mitigate when you engage in edge play a lot. It’s a simple chemical balancing act. It’s not a reflection on how anyone has ‘performed’. The performance that matters is how it’s dealt with.