Rewards for submissive

Rewards for submissive

MambaBlack​(dom male){Looking} • Jun 3, 2022

Hey there. Meech here. I’m coming on here for some advice if anyone could give it to me. Recently I’m talking with a future sub everything seems to be going great as we are getting to know each other and we were both straight up with why we were looking for in a Dom and Sub respectively.

I’ve been thinking of the rules and punishments. Those are good but how do you guys go about rewarding your sub for good behavior. If I could get a solid list of 5 reward suggestions I should be fine. I’m looking for great advice from fellow Doms and or subs as well.

Re: Rewards for submissive

Heero​(dom male) • Jun 3, 2022

Firstly, the most important source for choosing what to reward your sub with is the sub herself. As you get to know her, you should be learning her likes and dislikes and this can go a long way in choosing the right kinds of rewards. First you may want to figure out what category of rewards are best for your submissive. Some general categories would be: praise/attention/quality time, fun/engaging activities, and gifts/treats.

Conversation can go a long way in figuring out which categories are most effective, even if your sub herself does not really know herself. Talking about her favorite memories or things she likes, favorite people in her life and why they are her favorite people, etc. "Bad things" can also give clues. What are some of her regrets? Some things she wished she did but didn't. You can pick up clues there to reward her with the opposite. All this gives you clues as to what she enjoys.

It might also be good to just straight up give her a list of rewards you're thinking about and ask her to rank them and if they give her ideas about more things she'd like. Which leads me to answering your question a bit more specifically and leaving you with some examples.

1. Praise: acknowledge when she does something that pleases you. Tell her why it pleased you, and let her know she was a good girl and did well.
2. Quality time: spend time with her doing fun/bonding activities. Fun here is defined as doing something she really enjoys that you would enjoy as well and not be a sour puss over it--going on hikes, taking her out to dinner, going to see a movie, taking her to a museum, taking her dancing, etc. Sure, many of the things I mention here you may do anyway, but it gives an extra special touch to specify why that particular time is special. We're doing this because you did so-and-so and I want to reward you. Extensive aftercare can work here too (aftercare should always be done, but you can get more elaborate with it the more she behaves or the more you required of her during a session.) Incorporating physical touch can also be good. Give her a massage, hold hands as you talk to her, etc.
3. Treats: does she like chocolate? ice cream? tacos from a particular restaurant? Get them for her. This can tie into the next one as well.
4. Increasing access: sometimes you may want to restrict your submissive from certain things. This could be, for example, restricting treats that they binge on. But when they're good, you allow them to have some. It could be other things too.
5. Gifts: get her a necklace, a bracelet, a collar, something to let her know you're thinking about her and are happy that she's your good girl. If she's a little, get her crayons, coloring books, stuffies, etc.
6. This IS BDSM, so try a kinky thing that they really like to do but probably don't get to do very often.

Nowhere near an exhaustive list, but hopefully that gives you some ideas and helps you generate some of your own.

Re: Rewards for submissive

I'mME • Jun 3, 2022

Hi,
You have been thinking of rules and punishments, like what they will be?

In regards to rewards, I disagree with the other Cagester. The things he listed are descriptions of love languages, ways to say you care/love/ [pick a word] about your partner.
A reward should be something extra. Do you see the difference? If a Dom does not care about their sub then they need to move on. O'it is a relationship, whether people will admit that or not. It can look 1000 different ways, but it still is a -ship.

AshenFenrir​(dom male) • Jun 3, 2022

Hello, good question first of all. Gonna offer a few thoughts as well. What are rewarding or punitive (punishments) are each decided by the individual. Anything that someone is willing to work for, could be a reward. By the same measure, anything they wish to avoid? Could be a punishment. Now, as to a few caveats, based on my understanding?

If it's something they like, but might have restricted access to, such as orgasms? Those could certainly be a reward. By the nature of self-thinking organisms however, not only do we decide what is rewarding? Those can also change, even day to day. And the reward needs to match what the 'work' was. If it's too much work, and too little reward? I have seen that cause issues over time before, in various ways. Too high of a reward for too little effort, can have the opposite effect but may still be undesirable.

As you get to know them better, you'll start to get an idea of what and how. I can't give you an exhaustive list of what they may or may not like, however I can try and explain what I've come across as far as the subject matter is concerned in regards to rewards and punishments as a general topic, to try and help you on your way. And as a disclaimer, the above are thoughts and opinions, and what has worked for me based on my experiences.

Best of luck to you both, wishing you both happiness and success.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Jun 3, 2022

A reward could also be something like a "free pass" from a punishment that had been earn but not yet delivered, especially if the action was unprovoked.

I think it also depends on what type of sub you have (as Heero mentioned littles). If she is a brat, it can be a little more complex, such as an extended period of brat play....allowing extra space to be bratty.

*Note to all you Tamers out there: allowing space for the brat to express themselves is a reward as well as an expression of love and affection.

Zelia • Jun 4, 2022

The notion of rewards makes me smile. Punishments allow us to draw a line under disappointment, to be redeemed and move forwards free from guilt or bad feeling. Rewards… I/we don’t need them.
I seek to please and when I know my Master is happy with me, that He is pleased then I am happy. The ultimate reward is the continuing depth of relationship and knowing we want the best for each other.
A list of rewards isn’t something we have ever needed or used. I think this is more about how You want to shape Your dynamic than ‘rewards’.
Rewards make me think of a transaction. I want more than that.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Jun 4, 2022

That may be true for YOU, but you can only speak for you. Rewards are part of the feedback system and while some people may only require a "good girl" and their feedback requirement is fulfilled, others may need something greater.

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Jun 4, 2022

I saw nothing to indicate that Alice was attempting to speak to, or for, anyone *but* herself. Unless stated otherwise, I go on the assumption that any time a person makes a comment in any forum discussion that they're always offering their own opinion and nothing more. 🤷🏼

Bunnie • Jun 4, 2022

Hi @Meech,

It’s not often we see much discussion about positive reinforcement.
Just wanted to say that this is a bit refreshing

Ingénue{VK} • Jun 4, 2022

This. It can be really important when people are beginning and uncertain about how they are doing or who they are, a clear indicator that they're on the right path for their Dominant. Or at any point as part of the rich blend of dynamic (Hungover brain thinks about coffee). A few friends who are furries adore their rewards and treats too. I'm loving the rewards I'm getting at the moment, after a slightly , um, rushed completion of my cage bdsm checklist resulted in more of an emphasis on this. But that's probably my perception more than others' actions because everything can be rewarding depending on perspective. OP, ask them what they want and then think up some variations on their theme to take their preferences forward. Safest bet.