Doms willing to occasionally be submissive

Doms willing to occasionally be submissive

primerose • Nov 1, 2022

I am mainly submissive, but I am an absolute switch - if I had to label myself.

My first partner that would never consider allowing me to take charge - even in a vanilla type fashion. It was too much to fully trust someone who would have appreciated me denying part of my desires for them.

Since, I've had conversations with Doms who would be completely open to being occasionally submissive in order to ensure their partner could be their true self.

I'm not exceptionally interested in the confines of a dynamic atm, but it was very encouraging to know that some Doms are not threatened by swapping roles to please their partner.

If a Dom is willing to occasionally be tied up or just let someone else "take charge" in bed, does that make the Dom a switch?

Or are some Doms secure enough to compromise?

*Maybe psychologically some people can't be submissive in any way...not sure.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Nov 1, 2022

For myself I get NOTHING AT ALL from being submissive.
I understand that for others it rocks their "occasional" world (as the OP wrote) but for me I'd prefer to visit the dentist!

For myself it has nothing to do with compromise or being threatened in my dominant role. I can and would do both but the question needs to be should you?.... and more to do with its not my thing, hence why I dont switch.

For myself: if a partner that was submissive, required this of me. We would be a bad match as they would require more than me switching (even if occasional), they would need me to ENJOY the role. I would do them a disservice by "pretending" enjoyment. I couldn't, even though I'm capable of filling that need for them.

Some times being "able to" isn't enough. More often than not in relationships (more so than casual play) when a partner compromises (anything) for a long time, for the sake of the other person it leads to resentment. Rarely can a person give and give of themselves while getting little to nothing in return that fits in with there own personal needs and desires etc. This always end in tears, sulking or separation.

So many people in our community compromise. While the smaller things might work as treat or reward, the larger ones such as "role" (IMO) need to be truly listened to.

primerose • Nov 2, 2022

Enjoying the role makes sense. I suppose it depends on the person.

You said too many in the community compromise, but I thought negotiation is an integral part of the lifestyle. Unless that is a boundary for someone.

Or do you mean compromise in a different sense?

Dom Pinnacle​(dom male) • Nov 2, 2022

Her taking charge in bed can never involve tying me up. Not my bag. I will do some roleplay where she takes charge sexually. But I'm not getting on my knees (begging) or wearing a leash. Ever.

I wouldn't think any less of a Dom that enjoys being tied up sometimes. It's a preference thing.

Secret Mind​(dom male) • Nov 2, 2022

No. that person would be referred to as a switch. Or to help better define it. A switch whos mainly dominant but enjoys being submissive sometimes too. Nothing wrong with this.

We absolutely can not start changing definitions around like this. It will only cause further confusion in the lifestyle. Switch is a role for a reason. For those who enjoy being both dominant and submissive.

primerose • Nov 2, 2022

Yeah, I'd never ask a dom to go that far. I actually cringed thinking about it. But my dominant side is not *that* dominant. Unless it is with a full on submissive, that would be hard to be a part of and I had not thought about that until now. Thanks




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primerose • Nov 2, 2022

I am genuinely asking so that is a helpful perspective. More questions. *Sigh*

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Nov 2, 2022

To answer you:
Yes I think so too primrose. It depends on the person and how they enjoy the role.

Yes I do believe, to many do compromise in the community on getting their kink or fetish needs met or they simply have go without in total (as in NEVER)
for E.G . I'm (strictly) Femdom and this might not be the same in the Maledom realm or in mixed BDSM but in Femdom male submissives often go without major wants and needs due to the availible of compatible Dommes. Domme numbers are the lowest of all roles. Statistics show Male submissives are most plentiful of all seeking BDSM and niche fetish.

Its VERY sad but very often male subs don't get their basic requirements of negotiation when it comes to getting all their needs met. With lower Domme numbers, comes a great deal of sacrifices on their side in order to have "some" of needs and desires met. Of course what areas of play they do "share" are of course (or should be) negotiated and mostly are.
Malesubs in want of Femdom domination often give up major wants/needs/desires. They also often do things they don't necessarily want just to attract a Domme.. ..just to get some. Often its not so much a "compromise" but a "necessity" if they wish get "some" rather than "none" (sad it happens way to often and then they burn out not being able to keep it up)

Edited to add....Being Femdom and a woman or man saying they are into Femdom means/implies that they DO NOT SWITCH. Maledom is the same and so is Lesdom/gaydom etc (I think those last two have now changed terminology so sorry if I got them wrong), it is the terminology for a role that set and not fluid. BDSM is fluid and role changes (hope that makes sense. it is hard to write in a few words and dont want to state the oblivious to those that get it )

primerose • Nov 2, 2022

Thank you SO much for the example. I can definitely wrap my mind around that.
My interest in dominant side is mainly prominent when I engage with male submissives.
And my conversations with male submissives have been shocking. They ask would you be open to this, this, this - and they are blown a away when I wouldn't mind almost any of it. So, I can understand how much *unhealthy compromise and dissatisfaction many live with.

To be clear, I am not properly trained as a Domme, so my convos are just discussions. [Safety first]

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Nov 2, 2022

So in answer to your question, as in support of what others may have indicated above, I’ll caveat with this statement: A Dominant is a Dominant, a submissive is a submissive and a Switch is a switch. Allowing a submissive to take the lead in the bedroom doesn’t make a Dominant the submissive. If a submissive wanted to practice Shibari and tie up their Dominant, that doesn’t mean there is a switch in the dynamic. And I don’t think any Dominant should be considered more or less for either going along as the Rope Bunny or deciding it isn’t their thing. Likewise, a submissive who has a night of fun, relaxation and sex planned out and desiring to take the lead doesn’t make her a Dominant - she (or he) just wants to offer something to the dynamic. Letting someone perform an act on you doesn’t make you submissive. Being submissive in the act does. Does that make sense?

If the Dominant literally assumes a submissive role and position, they are switching and that would pretty much make them a switch. Nothing wrong with that, but to paraphrase Secret Mind, “Words have meaning.” We don’t change the definition simply to suit an individual. Someone wants to call themselves a Dominant but they switch roles on the fly, they are a switch regardless of what they call themselves.