Are you in a BSDM marriage?

Are you in a BSDM marriage?

the captive • Feb 22, 2023

Hi there,

So I realized that my image of what I want is not based on any current personal research into what this committed lifestyle is really like. Honestly, I think I lost track of where my relationship goals actually came from, if that makes sense.
I would like to hear from married people who live the D/s dynamic on a daily basis, just to get some real examples of how it works.
I'm a Catholic who is also a submissive seeking Ownership which, though unusual, can't be impossible. Still, I could use a reality check.
And I do understand that everyone's life together is unique. Just looking for advice based on experiences people might be willing to share.

Thanks!

Kurai Mori​(dom male) • Feb 22, 2023

Me and marriage, is like water and oil... we just don't mix all that well.
Thus, I might not be the best person to comment on this. But I did have some full-time relationships that were BDSM based.
And the one that worked out the best - is the one I am going to reference for my response.

My submissive and I, lived in a 1950's household type of relationship.
She cooked, cleaned, had dinner ready when I came home. And looked after the kids (basically everyone in the household that was younger than us - as we had roommates from time to time -20-somethings- trying to get their lives back on track). I also gave her a monthly food budget, which she adhered to religiously.
She was a mess, if she came in even a penny over.
I told her, as long as we needed everything we got and it would be used. It was okay, as long as we didn't go hundreds of dollars over. Which was funny, because one Costco trip did exactly that. I capped our trip to $200 and we spent closer to $350, she fell to her knees and begged for me to not beat her, tears in her eyes and everything...

But, getting back to daily life...
I would open her doors, she would walk just behind - but next to me, always. Never in front nor at my direct side. She always wanted people to know I was lead in our relationship. I made the introductions. I ordered our meals, unless she wanted something special - then I would tell her to give her specifics.
I always initiated anything sexual between us.
I basically set the tone and type of relationship between us. But she wanted to be responsible for the household and looking after me.
I wasn't allowed in the kitchen - which was fine. I grew up in an Italian household and it was Grandma's kitchen, regardless of whose house you were in. Men weren't allowed...
Laundry was her thing as well. She expected to be left alone to do laundry - while I went and did other things. But I helped when I could, got yelled at for doing it wrong. So, I helped fold and put my clothes away, when I was told I could do so.

She never drove, was always the passenger.

And she always deferred to my judgment - even though I gave her an opportunity to voice an opinion. The final decision was always mine to make.

We also made an effort, to attend everyone's events.
If someone was participating in a sporting event. Or Charity... or whatever. We always showed up and supported our 'family'.
Everyone always commented on how couple-ish we were - asking how long we had been married. We gave up trying to set the record straight and told people we had stopped counting.

And like so many of my marriages. This too ended, but I enjoyed it while it lasted. But unlike my marriages - I miss this one the most.

Hopefully you find some answers or inspiration?

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Feb 23, 2023

Marriage, like many things, is what you make of it. I met my wife on the old bondage.com site. At that time, she identified as a sub and was simply looking for D/s experience. As time went on, she decided she was a switch, which meant she was not going to be my property. However we fell in love and decided to get married. Been 15 years now.

From a D/s standpoint, she is my sub but Domme to other s types we interact with. However we are not religious, so that does not interfere with our relationships.

Miki​(masochist female) • Feb 23, 2023

Not married. Never was. Never even into any relationships but from what I see in others, a BDSM marriage is like any other. Communication, give and take, and a willingness on the part of both to engage in this shit.

*****

Now I quoted "Topekadom" only to say that she must be an understanding and relatively open-minded gal, your bride, because I for one would have made you get rid of that damned pipe!

XD

the captive • Feb 23, 2023

I appreciate all of the replies so far. Thanks for taking some time to consider the question--your responses have given me a lot to think about.

Island girl​(sub female){Yes owned.} • Feb 23, 2023

My marriage lasted for 7 years. This 24/7 M/s relationship has lasted over 22 years and keeps getting stronger. Since we're actually a triad, marriage really doesn't enter into it.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Feb 23, 2023

We all have our habits others could do without. She drinks, although not to excess, which I make no mention to her. Then there are also those that speak of things of which of none of their business.

I'mME • Feb 24, 2023

TopekaDom,
Had you any experience with a partner being a Switch before? Did you suggest that she may enjoy a sub or did she suggest it?
And how did you initially feel when the power exchange shifted slightly, you nor owning her anymore but still had her submission?

Obviously it's

I'mME • Feb 24, 2023

Sorry, a bug landed on me, and I hit the post button while smacking at the critter.

I was going to say that obviously things are working out since together 15 years.

I was just curious on how it looked and you felt in the beginning? How it came about.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Feb 24, 2023

My wife is as she needs to be. It made me no nevermind when she figured she needed to stretch her Domme wings. It is just my philosophical view point that as a switch, she can not be property. But that is just me. I have no problems with it. Some of the s types we have played with in the past have had problems with it but not all of them.

To answer your first question, no she was the first switch. In fact, she is the only switch (I am still unsure what to classify the Domme who turned sub for me. it was the only time I ever met her and never heard from her again). It was also her need that prompted her crossing.