Training Young Subs VS Older Subs

Training Young Subs VS Older Subs

lambsone • Nov 18, 2023

For those Doms who want a TPE relationship, do you have different goals for training a young sub VS an older sub. I can see helping a younger one define who she is but an older sub who has been to hell and back in their life and come out the other side, who already know who they are, how do you handle that? Do you have different goals for each. I realize many goals would overlap the two, but when they don't, what is your training plan?

Miki​(masochist female) • Nov 18, 2023

I'll throw in a couple thoughts even though I am neither a dominant nor a "true sub", and I am neither young nor old either.

(Next year I hit 40 and will qualify be an official "Pre-Hag" as per most societal views)

Older subs do seem to be quite rare, especially those who dig TPE.

But with older people in general, those having dealt with a wealth of life's ups and downs, engaging in such a dynamic includes a unique set of issues compared to dealing with younger subs, not the least of which involves a younger individual not even sure they want to be in that role over the long haul.

For some it's something exciting and different, for others it slakes erotic thirst but for a fair amount of supple and youthful subs, shit gets old.

(I am certainly not young and supple by any stretch of the dick, but for me things of that nature get "old" very fast.) That's why I never engaged in a real D/s dynamic and at this juncture I never will.

So, of course, while not knocking people for whom certain routines and certain dicks wear out their welcome as "faithless and fickle". I wanted to state that, to be sure, any dom in or seeking a dynamic with a granny sub has to balance that sub's desires, his own, yet respect for her as one who has been to more than a few rodeos as opposed to dealing with a "younger sub".

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Anyway this was just an "idle thoughts" post because I wanted to add my thoughts and, of course as many on this site are aware, textually speaking, I talk too much.

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I'm sure that sooner or later experienced, grizzled, Santa-level dominants will have something more substantative to write.

lambsone • Nov 18, 2023

Well Miki, if you are a pre hag then I must be an old hag, being 31 years older than you. ... hahaha.

Ideally, relationships of this kind if they are true ones, should grow over time and not deteriorate. They should get richer, not poorer, deeper not more shallow and fizzled out. I know vanilla couples who are more in love today than when they first married. I don't see why that can't happen in BDSM too. It doesn't have to be only about whips, chains, and pain all of the time.

Miki​(masochist female) • Nov 18, 2023

Oh, sorry bout that. You don't look like you're about to have more candles than cake.. I was speaking in general terms but of course I do tend to be socially clumsy.

Indeed relationships, the well-founded ones, grow stronger over time. The ones that run into troubled waters tend to be the ones launched too quickly, where the couple, whether they're BDSM or mainstream, don't know enough about one another and when the bloom falls off the rose, so to speak, they're unable to adjust. Then there's the "metamorphosis" thing (some call it "evolving", but that to me means something generational while metamorphosis is something in a lifetime. Anyway the bliss of the early days shifts. And after a bunch of decades it's more of a deep friendship than romance. Physicality loses its appeal and so forth. As couples wander into their second decade there's the troubling question "Have we become a habit?" rather than "I love so and so now more than when we married, but in a different way."

Once again I was never in a relationship nor am I given to be in one but I have a bunch of friends of varying ages who keep me in the loop as to how they feel, what's going on.. Friend shit. So I've a bit of an idea how that all rolls.

lambsone • Nov 18, 2023

Me too Miki. Never had the privilege of being in a real relationship for very long. Just mostly having to observe from the sidelines.

Miki​(masochist female) • Nov 18, 2023

... while waiting for doms to chip in, sometimes sooner, sometimes later... Personally I never got into any relationships because they just don't wind my clock.

I'm simply not wired for all that goes with and into those. Friends and FWB, sure, but nothing involving commitments, moving in, etc. Both of those but especially the latter cramp my independent style.

I do have a roomie, but she's away more than home due to her line of work and we are nothing but friends for many years going back to college days.

Spirited Red • Nov 18, 2023

Coming from a long term relationship. I find that as an older/Granny sub things have changed out here. I am finding I dont really fit in much. I am interested in hearing all the different views and thoughts. I grew in the lifestyle with my Master and not sure what the life holds out for an older sub.

lambsone • Nov 18, 2023

I'm finding those things out too Spirited Red. I had a Master at the turn of the century for a year, then stopped getting involved after I left him. I just got back into this a few months ago. It's quite different now. It seems there is a lot less commitment and dedication to the lifestyle than there used to be. And a lot more folks just looking for a good time.

LordofPain56 • Nov 19, 2023

Lambsone; you read my entire detailed profile (the one I sent you, not the abbreviated one on this site).
You could immediately identify that we would not be a good match based upon what you read.
But what if we might have been? Would I have needed to perform extra training beyond you knowing me, knowing the House Rules and the Relationship Rules in your opinion?
Certainly I expect there would be much more discussion to determine compatibility after all the information had been presented, but I think you get a pretty good picture of who I am from that detailed profile, right?
After all, it was meant to give the reader a picture of what it might be like to be with me. So what more training would I need to perform?
Those who do not accept the type of lifestyle it depicts can pass it by without a boo from me. Those who might accept it have the chance to ask all questions and attempt to make certain negotiations. If an agreement is reached, it is just a matter of following the rules.
Never really did get this thing about training. What if in the midst of 3 months of training, the sub encountered something she never thought would be presented to her, and it was something that she is opposed to? She's 3 months into this thing and the roof caves in so to speak? I aint down with that.
OR....have I been going about this thing all wrong the whole time, and we should all throw caution to the wind and let the cards fall where they may?

lambsone • Nov 19, 2023

No LordofPain, none of us should throw caution to the wind. That would be reckless. I was just reading the ethical article in the magazine section here and it emphasizes several issues that I'd never thought about before. So I know that one individual can't know everything about a subject or a relationship and must learn to be open to more learning as they gain experience. Even Doms who think they have it all together. People evolve. A sub may have agreed to what you wrote in theory, but still not know how they will truly react when it's happening to them. You can do all you can to try to ensure that you have an air tight situation but this is only from your own perspective. Do you take into consideration the perspective and expectations of your submissive? I don't see any room for that in your info. Or are you expecting your sub to be an exact carbon copy of you and what you want? You haven't set up rules that the two of you wrote together, you set up the rules and she's to follow without input of her own. She's only allowed to agree or disagree with a "your rules" situation not an "our rules" situation. If she doesn't agree, then it's your way or the highway. That's not the impression I get from the BDSM Community on what a healthy relationship is made of. Or any type of relationship situation. I know you want to keep things drama free, peaceful, and steady, but are you leaving room for a person's growth and change as they age? This includes your own growth and change. I see your sub being scared to death over time, to have an idea of her own much less express it to you because you've left no room for that. I believe such inflexibility will come back to bite you as your sub ages and learns more about life. I grew up with a mother who tried to keep every single thing under control in our family, every day of her life. And believe me I know how that kind of story ends, and it's not pretty.

So, I agree with you on the idea of training. What the heck is it anyway? I have a feeling that today it's not what it originally was meant to be. In my limited experience it seems to be different with every Dom. But basically it is to make a sub a robot of what you desire sexually and any other service you want them to perform for you. So for those of us who are older and not as gullible as a younger sub, we might take issue with that. We might want more out of a relationship, we might want to use our brains more than that, etc. And that could prove difficult for a Dom who insists on a TPE situation of their own making, where they might not meet that resistance from a younger sub. So .... hence I was curious about if Doms treated younger subs differently than older ones and what types of considerations they must make for each. Obviously you don't have that problem since you expect any age to do exactly what you want them to. But other Doms may have issues with it.