Breakup Rules?

Breakup Rules?

kdramalover​(switch female) • Sep 18, 2025

How do you handle breakups in BDSM?
I just ended a 3 year relationship with someone in a very super vanilla relationship. It’s been hard breaking out of our routine. We don’t talk much anymore. I’ve been sad of course. But I’m curious to others, what are the times of a breakup? What can you do it can’t do? Is friendship a possibility for you?

Miki • Sep 18, 2025

That varies as much as couples do. Some can be friends others just need to go their separate ways just like non-BDSM relationships .

Having never been in or plan to be in a relationship, I'm limited to experiences of those around me. I've only ever done "Friends only".

A definite "Don't" is the old Rebound game. That seldom, if ever leads to anything lasting or meaningful. One simply isn't thinking on all cylinders when a breakup follows a long term relationship.

A "Do" is just get out, have light fun with casual acquaintances and friends and take it easy on yourself. Break-ups happen and are as much a part of life as anything else.

Kelpi • Sep 19, 2025

Well I have a set of rules I have set for myself as long as the breakup is honest and upfront. 1) She has to understand that no matter what I am just a message away and will be there to listen to her. 2) She can talk to me but we will never be together again other than friends. 3) Just because she has a place in my heart does not mean she will be apart of my main life again. 2 and 3 are basically the same but sometimes you have to tell them twice.

Mostly you never think about why she left but remember the love.

AinoVa​(switch female) • Sep 20, 2025

Depending on how clean the break was ill still be open to maintaining a friendship. But it will never be in a relationship again, or be physical with eachother.

JaredMayer​(dom male) • Sep 20, 2025

My first partner I cut out of my life completely because she was a passive aggressive narcissist and emotional terrorist.

My second partner currently still rents a room in my house (though she sleeps at her boyfriend's place usually) and works remotely from my living room.

So it very much depends on the nature of the breakup and the personalities involved.

Anna Lynn​(sub female) • Sep 20, 2025

Personally, If I were to be collared sometime in the future then I would ask for release.

Other than that specific situation, I handle all break ups the same. We talk it out and make a decision to part ways and I wish them well on their journey forward.
I have given assistance to exs in the past in a limited capacity but I do not remain friends or attempt to rekindle the relationship further down the line.

I personally feel like it is always best to go forward in my life and not backwards.

I am sorry that your relationship didn’t work out. I feel your pain.

Miki • Sep 20, 2025

More to the point than my earlier post:

If the breakup is amicable or at least civil, friendship and "keep in touch" is not a bad idea. It depends on the couple and whether both can just stick to the friend zone without hidden hopes of "Maybe the other will want to try again later" ---While anything can happen in life, love, and lust, a lot of time and opportunities stands to be missed when clinging to that hope.

If the "other" is a toxic blob of negative: ---- No Rules, Just Run.

tsi​(sub female) • Sep 24, 2025

Friendship is definitely possible .
For me personally I take some time off from them completely, once I’ve healed and emotionally/ romantically de attached from them I can then be friends

Mistress F​(dom female) • Sep 25, 2025

The breakup I had was amicable.
We had one last "session" and then I removed the collar
We thought it would be best to do a clean break.
I agree with Miki. Rebound is a No no.

Lulu Feu​(sub female)​{Notlooking} • Oct 2, 2025

This is a great forum question and one I have been wondering myself.

In vanilla world, I have been able to maintain friendships with exes. It was rarely problematic. Even with crushes that were unrequited, we maintained friendships. But kink world? Yeah, this be something different. I am wondering if it is because of the power exchange. I also think it maybe different when it is just a play partner vs. a relationship.

Idealistically, I would like to say yes. I just have not found it to be true. Also, I think the one who ends the dynamic should be the one reaching out and ascertaining if friendship is even possible. Clearing the air. I think that is a struggle because there is such a fear of rejection but there is also high protocol. Can a former Dom be friends with a former submissive if she/he is with a new Dom/Domme? Seems risky?