I'm completely new to all this, just asking a question.

I'm completely new to all this, just asking a question.

MagnificentOrange​(dom male) • Dec 31, 2025

Okay, so I'm a virgin due to religious reasons, so I won't ask about the moral/religious angle.

I just want to know if this is 'normal'. If this is the wrong place, let me know.

I'm a guy, and with my ex-fiancee what would often happen is when we were alone together in bed (no sex, we are both religious, but other... 'things' were okay) I would be on top of her, and she would like, struggle against me, as if trying to break free, and then I'd like pin her down and she seemed to like that and I did too. Now I seemed to really like that and that seems pretty tame I think? But what I dreamt of her doing was like, bite into me, really trying to fight back, and then I'd hold her down and... I dunno put her in her place so to speak. Not out of like, a rape fantasy, cause I think rape is gross, but like in the sense of her daring me to knock her down a peg and provoking me to retaliate to show her who's boss, and then I'd like, overpower her or something and she'd have no choice but to give in. I don't want a super passive girl, but one who's feisty and aggressive and wants me to show force to make her back down.

I'm sorry if that's super weird, but I can't talk to any of my friends about it in case they think I'm a creep or whatever.

Is that okay? Is that too... Rapey? I don't know.

Anna Lynn​(sub female) • Dec 31, 2025

There is one very important foundation to all BDSM play and that is *Consent*.

Always have consent from your partner because anything else is criminal.

TopekaDom​(dom male)​{Chaos } • Dec 31, 2025

This!

MagnificentOrange​(dom male) • Dec 31, 2025

Is that normal though? Am I overreacting? Cause it feels extreme to me but maybe it's not? I'm confused.

Anna Lynn​(sub female) • Dec 31, 2025

Yes, what you are describing is normal as far as I am concerned. I have participated in such play and more.

However, if you feel that within yourself, you are violating your own morals and ethics, than that is something you will need to work through before actually doing this. Only you know what actions you can live with and those you cannot.

MagnificentOrange​(dom male) • Dec 31, 2025

Thank you for your input. And I should have been more clear, I would never do anything of this sort without consent. It's just what me and my ex seemed to want at the time.

I just didn't know if it was too much, too... 'out there' you know?

Thank you, I feel very reassured. Happy new year.

HankIV​(dom male) • Jan 1, 2026

The gut feeling of wrongness is a good compass to follow. If you keep going down this path you’re going to need that compass to limit yourself.

The previous posts were 100% percent correct. You must have a discussion about consent with your partners, this is for both of your benefits. Most guys cannot fathom the idea that a sub woman could do something to traumatize them; but it happens all too often, and yes I am the proof in my statement. I recommend The Consent Primer book, very cheap on kindle. Wish it was around twenty years ago. It would have saved me some therapy.

My warning to you; what you appear to be tapping into is something very primal in nature. It is very easy to get swept away in that kind of play and do actual harm. So even if you enjoy it, and your partner does too. You need to consider and control the narrative with kind of scene. This play should be more mental domination than physical domination as strange as that may sound. Avoid subs with extreme masochistic tendency’s. That is a bad combination with your specific interests and could lead to losing narrative control of yourself.

Once you have a very strong grasp on consent I ask you to do your research on primal dominant, CNC, safe scene planning around consensual rape play.

Be safe out there.

House Talion​(dom male) • Jan 1, 2026

Showing dominance is as old as the world, but donpay attention of the difference between dominance and tyranny.

Lechelle​(sub female)​{No} • Jan 2, 2026

Yes it is normal. You just have to communicate with your partner or who ever you are with. I do understand being religious because I myself am as well. Don't feel any pressure just study what you think you may be into and discuss things with your partner and find common ground but the 2 most important things are communication and consent

fluffypoppet​(sub female)​{Protected} • Jan 2, 2026

Hi there, and welcome.

Here are some terms to help you on your journey:

- Informed Consent
- SSC
- Edge Play*
- CNC*
- Primal*
- Prey*
- Power Exchange*

Basically you've entered a world where the compass for right and wrong is defined by the participating parties in any given setting. The golden rule is consent, which should be informed and enthusiastic.

Your interests may align with some of the words I starred above. My advice is to slow down and learn a bit. Learn where your boundaries and limits are and also learn how to play without causing harm. (A little pain in the right spirit might be welcome... breaking your toys is bad form.)

Ask questions as they arise.

Happy hunting.