Early Days / your Process

How much input from a sub/slave is allowed before you consider it domming from the bottom? I have seen some who write interminable rules and regs. And I mean law book long.

It depends on the dynamic and the rules agreed upon. Many D/s dynamics require a contract to spell out exactly what and how much is allowed.

Topping from the bottom is not good for any D/s dynamic. As my Dom was training me, she actually asked me for my input on some things. She is in charge and I only give my opinion on things when she asks for it.

The mutual communication and respect has made our Femdom dynamic work for years.

Expressing likes, dislikes, and limits prior to a BDSM scene (preferably not during) should not be considered "Topping from the bottom" though I am sure some people do.

Ultimately, sub or not, we all get to choose how we want to express our kinks and what we need to feel safe. Input from the sub is valuable to me, because I don't feel comfortable being the cruel sadistic bastard I deeply want to be if I can't understand the mind of the sub and how it will react. If I were a sub, I'd be weary of any dom who wants to shut down communication because they're insecure about the idea of being topped from the bottom. And, I don't know, but maybe for a baby dom it might be a good idea to get topped from the bottom by an experienced sub for a while anyway.

If I felt like a sub was trying to command the entire interaction and not letting me be myself, as opposed to just communicating, then I'd have a problem with it and we'd have to talk that out. It's not a matter of quantity, but of intent.

I’m a little confused about whether you are talking about negotiations prior to forming a dynamic or after.

I definitely think all people should have an understanding of their wants, needs and limits (soft and hard), and then, before any commitment, in depth, two-way conversations should take place if a connection is made. I understand it as a process of building from a place of self-awareness from both parties, rather than a ‘here is my 30 page non-negotiable contract - take it or leave it’.

I also don’t think anything is “topping from the bottom” unless there’s clear established protocol and rules in place that both parties agree to.

You can always say, “no thanks and all the best”

Consent and communication. Fundamental foundation in a dynamic. The core of a D/s relationship cannot be built without these 2. Trust, another core brick in building a dynamic that can last. Trust is built again with those 1st two. Safewords, hard limits, soft limits? Do kinks align or is it not a fit between the D and the side of the slash. All of these may appear to be lists but its called transparencies that allow you to say hey maybe this isnt my person and move on. What seems like a long list may just be communication of expectations and limits.

Thanks for participating so farl

I think better questions may come from examining the source of this.

You said: "I have seen some who write interminable rules and regs"

My mind goes to: What causes a submissive to list out such extensive rules? Are they topping from the bottom? Or is it likely through harassment, life experience, trauma, or doms who have not respected more basic boundaries that the submissives feel the need to write detailed limits?

The next question that comes to mind is, shouldn't a Dom be grateful if a submissive has taken the time to learn what feels right or wrong to their body? This varies of course from a sub who is setting a scene or demanding things on the daily, but it makes me consider this: If a Dom views limits as 'law book long' then how interested is he in the actual person behind the sub? The depth of your bond often exceeds books and anyone worth investing in, has invested in themselves.

A low confidence sub with low boundaries and 'anything goes' mindset? Sure sounds fun- until you realize that they likely do not love themself, can not self regulate, or has unhealthy views of you and themself.

Time and place for all things get down to grow with your roles together , agree on things, support each other, and celebrate victories. Try taken in hand court each other in connection til gets more in feeling more deep. Once you with that person won’t be bdsm all the time still meek
In mind you have to do reality have fun share life Witj team work! Self-care with each other, try things, find what you like and don't like; mark that, find what works for you. Two people have to come together and share life in this bond; even if the leading hand leads, help with goals and help them grow. The sub also does the same. However, a sub may not be a Dom, yet may have a dominant mind to help, as being submissive does not mean weak; it means being strong. Play can come later as the connection builds; you can train them. Just training is nothing without interaction; old school, yes, connection without sex, but getting into the mind first is key, and you both have passion. It's really about pleasing each other with passion when things get deeper. Relationship isn't the first thing; yes, it's good to bring up, but it comes later; the chemistry and connection are first. Going out, doing things, laughing has to be more than D/s; you both like to hike, any activities you both click with truly. Brainless doesn't accomplish anything. Be safe and sane with consent at all times. The sub needs to feel calm and safe before they can trust you. The Dom just need to know gotta plan was t the same no plan you need to figure that out! No one comes with a manual, but everyone has been through things, like is experience not a mistake you grow with as you go. So you both need to heal and evolve together. Say nice things about yourself and each other, meditate or do tantra healing, whatever you feel in your soul is union. One cannot do it alone; you two people, yin and Yang. Both people need to be willing to be ride or die, think thick and thin, they support you in the lows well; they don't get to be in your highest. Money can't buy love; it's in the heart and soul feeling. Some subs may come with trauma or a Dom does; it may take time. No one can fix anyone, but you can be there for them and work through it. Know one's imperfect, but a reverse mindset makes a good routine; write a new page, give peace to all the things of the past, and be in a new light path. Mend the ways of romancing life, being the essence; let your hips sway, take the past away, allows your essence to vibe with music . Soft era and deep romance , erotica and good and bad in a good way; know one wakes up the happy ; create happiness to make happiness, but in a good sense, being yourself. Work on the bond in the experience, allow it to flow and grow more! Can't get mad over Spilt milk milk; talking to your partner, go for a walk, get out of town, go on a mini vacation; let things grow as you go, no rush; focus on the process.Hand made love never goes out of style. Prioritize Connection: Focus on emotional investment and being in sync before getting physically involved. I recommend "courting" for at least six months to truly get to know someone.
Be Authentic and Selective: Don’t live on dating sites; make them a small part of your routine. Be selective with your energy and time, and don’t feel pressured by social media or "fantasy" standards.
Value Respect and Safety: For first meetings, keep it low-pressure, like meeting at a cafe. Always prioritize your safety—share your location with a friend or bring someone along if necessary.
Focus on Self-Growth: Work on your own peace and happiness first. As the saying goes, be the partner you seek.
Take it Slow: Don't rush into moving in together or marriage. Give it at least "four seasons" to see how you handle life's changes as a team. Ultimately, relationships are a two-way street that require teamwork, honesty, and mutual respect. It is often best to be selective and let things develop naturally; going slow allows the heart to grow fonder.

I believe that to truly find someone and open more doors for growth, it may be necessary to look outside of our hometown. Expanding the search to locations just a few hours or a state away could offer better opportunities.
Not all ways about the sex but true intimacy just being together holding each other and feeling that connection that clicks with you!
If you remove the superficial elements, you will find what you are looking for and everything will come together. Don't have to be mad at men or women give it up start wanting to be in union of love and peace.
☯️🧘🧖‍♀️🦋😎. P.S. Before finding peace, the ego needs to heal. What I meant was that while it's okay to be somewhat selective, perfection is an impossible standard. True fulfillment comes not just from appearance, but from self-confidence and inner happiness, regardless of what critics say, just be yourself. Namaste

I believe it’s all in how the comments/requests are presented. There is a way to address an issue. Demanding never works. I would think anyone, submissives or dominant would want to know how to please their partner(s). Presentation is everything.