slave vs submissive...

slave vs submissive...

Bunnie • Aug 29, 2018

In order to not hijack another post, I decided to create this as its own thread. Hope it helps

These are a few links I just googled that may help to answer slave vs submissive questions (although there are many many more links out there). I can remember also having a lot of confusion around it. Luckily, there are so many who can describe it way better than I can, and I have pasted all different varieties to help you not only see that there are variations even within definitions, but also so you can hopefully find a line of thought that resonates with you. Happy reading

http://www.kinkweekly.com/article-baadmaster/slave-vs-submissive/

https://youtu.be/XwyY2qdbhCA

https://www.katekinsey.com/the-difference-between-a-slave-and-a-submissive.html

https://www.prosebox.net/entry/263157/

http://www.teramis.com/kink/subvslave.htm

https://submissiveguide.com/fundamentals/articles/slave-opinion

I would also like to add a definition that was shared by slave dawn on one of the podcasts here on the cage (Erotic Awakening):

‘A submissive thinks about the submissive act before doing it and a slave does the act.’

CapnRick​(dom male) • Aug 30, 2018

Nice work, Bunnie! You collected some nice variations on an always confusing fine line. The effort you put into collecting these links should be of value to many here in The Cage.

Perspective

LatexHer​(dom male) • Sep 18, 2018

I am happy to attest that I have been in the D/s community for over 4 decades now! Through the passing of time, I have seen the word "submissive" redefined although once there was no such definition in this community!

Back in the late 60s, and throughout the 1970s we referred to all as either Master or slave! Then while attending clubs, I first began to notice that certain people were using the word "submissive" only because "SLAVE" was either distasteful to their own sexual preference, or becoming politically correct was more important!

Back in the day when I first discovered my own sexual preferences, we had "slaves" but even those "slaves", had limits! A wise man once said to me - "Take good care of your slaves or you will be slaveless soon!" Good advice is hard to find!

Just an in the past - submissives today have limits and so do almost all of the ones who refer to themselves as a "slave"!

Our D/s Community has worked to bring more terminology into our realm. TOP - bottom, Dom - sub, Master-slave, all in this ole man's opinion remain as words which are only defined by the people who choose to use them! We all have LIMITS - we just like to use the play on words!

Bunnie • Sep 18, 2018

@ LatexHer, thank you so much for sharing. This is really interesting. Your input is so valuable for us to hear about... from those who’ve been there and done it and seen it. Unfortunately, knowledge that doesn’t just come from books or experimenting at home alone, is becoming quite rare. As much as those things are great, and you can definitely learn a lot, when I studied pressure points for a massage course I did, I learned very quickly that there’s a big difference between theory in a book, putting your hands on someone, and being shown how to do something without negative consequences. Now I’m curious as to why the community felt it necessary to have so many sub-categories... ?
Is it possible it was to do with the emergence of the New Guard I wonder?
Anyway, thank you again

boyDJ​(masochist gender queer){When I'm i} • Sep 18, 2018

Thank you for starting this topic! One thing that always rather bugged me was, for instance, I'd attempt to gain entrance to a local Leather bar and the guy at the door would look at my garb, (blue jeans and Converse All Star canvas hi-tops) and he'd treat me dismissively, because I wasn't wearing boots or leather pants. Dude, this is my outfit! You're into leather, I'm not! And if I can't come in, then show me a bar where this boy can hook up with a guy who's looking for a boy like me!

I'm a sub, a bottom, or as I like to state it to others I meet in our "theater of operations," I'm a G-SAM, a gay smart ass masochist. I'm not a slave, or property, and have little desire to become either. I'd like to meet a man with whom I can explore DOM/sub Sir/boy Punisher/whipping boy scene without the necessity of buying & wearing things that don't particularly pop my cork. And until I discovered both this site and FetLife, I thought that there was no real place I could state my kinks and expect any kind of response.

So again, THANK YOU!

Wrivyn​(dom male) • Sep 18, 2018

Thank you for posting those links. I am learning as much as I can and these have been most valuable.

Re: Perspective

Savida​(other female) • Sep 19, 2018

I don’t think this last bit here about “political correctness “(although I dislike that term as it’s become meaningless and somewhat pejorative over time) is entirely fair.

As the descendent of actual honest to god slaves, I dont find that word sexy or affirming and it’s not about being “PC” but rather that it’s distasteful because that word doesn’t exist in a vacuum for me. It’s got a context for me that churns my gut, so, it’s on my limits list. I know not all who share my heritage feel the same about that word, and plenty of people without that history are also uncomfortable with that word.

I guess I’m saying that maybe a lot of the people being thrown in the “politically correct” bucket really maybe just can’t get off on or be okay with the word slave for some pretty valid reasons and I think there’s nothing wrong with that.

Bunnie • Sep 19, 2018

Hey Sav, very valid point... just wanted to throw in that there actually was the recognition of “was either distasteful to their own sexual preference,” which seems to be where you’re coming from.

Savida​(other female) • Sep 19, 2018

Nods, I saw that, it was the “politically correct” bit that I disagreed with and thought was unfair.

If that’s truly how it was back then, I’m really glad things have changed—otherwise I couldn’t be here.

Anyway I’ve gone off topic, I just feel very strongly about that particular issue and felt compelled to comment on it because I feel that most people just don’t think about that aspect of this and that word—enjoy the rest of the discussion, folks.

DrWakko • Sep 19, 2018

I think submissive has become the default title. The same thing goes for Dom. There are few who fit the Master/slave role, but I believe there are more who fit the Top/bottom role than Dom/sub.

With there being a default role I believe this is one of the major causes of relationship failure. The Dom in the relationship tries so hard they become abusive or the sub in the relationship feels unappreciated or a list of other reasons. Now if both were true to themselves they would say they were Top and Bottom and go to play parties then go home to wild sex.

I think over time people become more honest with themselves and their roles and things end up working out.

DW