HuntertheYeenQueen(dom femme){Allie Kat}
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6 years ago •
Nov 10, 2018
So, here's the thing...
Everyone copes differently. It makes complete sense that BDSM would be one method if you do any sort of research on it. There are a bunch of articles and recountings ect. That explain how people have been helped through the kink, and even further, the lifestyle. It's a way of reclaiming your life and changing the situation. It heals just as much as anything else. Therapy isnt always the solution. I saw 5 different doctors over the first 15 years of my life to get help after I was attacked at the age of 3. All they did, was make me feel like shit. Even as a young child, these adults who didn't truly understand only made me feel more alienated. Just because you have a degree, doesn't mean you're the right fit for everyone. It wasnt until I spoke to friends who had situations like mine, that I was able to cope. Dismissing people's healthy coping mechanisms, wont help anyone or anything. Just because it doesn't make sense to one person doesn't mean it isnt the perfect fit for another. Wolfy, thank you for talking about your experience with it. You had a very real thought in there and were able to show how it wasnt true. You're not wrong for how you handled it. You took back the situation. And that's amazing <3 Its great that you overcame it all and you had the support to do so. Naively, I'm glad you brought up how it could hurt as well, though. For me, it would probably make things worse, to try and work through my experiences that way. So it definitely needs to be really considered, instead of just freely being thrown into. WWW, your post was definitely a good explanation of the way it helps. Having a trusted partner to assist makes a big difference. That's wonderful. And sweet, your post was great. While it's not fair what you went through, you reclaimed your life. And you have a wonderful part of yourself for it - your daughter. |
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Online now
WetWhenWhipped88(sub female)
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6 years ago •
Nov 11, 2018
I am sure this will come across as lame over the internet, but even though we don't know each other very well, I am so proud of the strength in all of you for just facing your demons. <3
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MasterBear(other butch)
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6 years ago •
Nov 11, 2018
This is such an amazingquestion
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MasterBear(other butch)
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6 years ago •
Nov 11, 2018
It is my belief that just as many ppl are into BDSM to seek processing through trauma , as there are ppl that are not.
Life is about processing through trauma. BDSM is simply one way to do that. My love was molested at a very young age. I was raped at 8. These things never go away. Even for us in an M/s , 17 years later, some days we can play- somedays it's to much of a trigger. Being Master identified helps me retain control. Being slave identified helps her be cared for and safe. |
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Miss Tia(sub female)
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6 years ago •
Nov 11, 2018
I recently started getting therapy for being molested by my dad's friend when I was 11. I also was brutally raped by my vanilla boyfriend two years ago.
To BDSM is a perfect therapy. My limits are going to pushed by my Master, each time further and further. I do have control with a safe word to stop if the line of comfort has been reached. With sexual assault there is no control, no safe word to end it. |
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| Randomvictim2(sub female) |
5 years ago •
Dec 26, 2018
I have. I was robbed and raped by a stranger. It has definitely changed me sexually.
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SirHanz(dom male){Minx}
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5 years ago •
Dec 27, 2018
Trama can change our behavior in a veriaty of ways. Even if we think that we are fine it can influence our wants, needs, and decisions in ways that are unpredictable. Therapy helps, for some bdsm helps as well. But the one thing I know is there is no magic pill that will "make it all better". Often those who have suffered traumatic events are the most vulnerable in our community because the want so badly to be "fixed". It is important for doms to recognize that. Often the best we can do for them is educate them about how to be safe in the lifestyle. Trying to help in other ways while well intentioned can often do more harm than good.
Be well... know thyself. -SirHanz |
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masokitten(sub female){Not lookin}
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5 years ago •
Dec 27, 2018
I’ve wondered this as I have had my own struggles with understanding why I am drawn like a moth to flame in this lifestyle and often wonder if it is due to my assault and/or other forms of abuse I’ve experienced...
but I also agree with this.... NaivelyOptimistic wrote: I'm going to say some things that will be very generalizing, so take them with a grain of salt: I think people who've experienced abuse (emotional and physical) are drawn to BDSM for lots of reasons. BDSM, due to the level of trust and vulnerability required, the power dynamics, the physical elements, etc, then has the ability to either reinforce that trauma or to help aid in its healing.
While I do believe in healthy of dynamics BDSM can repair (which would be greatly aided by professional help), I wish this article had also addressed the risks. Where there is the power to mend, there is also the power to cripple. When you have people who are already traumatized coming in looking for at best healing or, at worst, an echo of the abuse they've endured, you have an environment that is ripe for predators and inexperienced partners who can unintentionally re-traumatize. So, all that to say, there are probably a number of people in BDSM who've experienced abuse. Some may be here to continue that cycle and some seek to heal from it. |
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LittleLolitaMae(sub female){Collared}
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5 years ago •
Feb 13, 2019
Yes, I was a victim of sexual abuse growing up and it left me both mentally stunted, and with hypersexuality that seems to come and go out of nowhere. Learning to channel these thoughts and feelings into a relationship with someone I truly trust has helped me immensely.
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MasterNeil77722(dom male)
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5 years ago •
Feb 16, 2019
This opinion is from my non professional observations and experiences. I think BDSM helps in the healing process because it can bring back the positive association of trust and a sexual encounter. It’s the reverse of the actual sexual assault event(s) that happened. In BDSM you choose to go into a highly sexual situation with the full knowledge of wanting or needing it to happen to you. It’s empowering to be in control by being involved in the decision making process (the negotiation process to set up the relationship). After all the sub holds the ultimate power in any proper BDSM relationship.
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