How To Take Care Of A Dom....

HuntertheYeenQueen​(dom femme){Allie Kat} • Dec 17, 2018

Nothing makes me feel more loved and cared for than when my husband allows me to just... be me.

We had a bunch of (small, but still important) issues we were not aware of for the first couple of years of our marriage, because we were living a vanilla life initially. I had never even heard of BDSM as a lifestyle choice, just the stupid, ignorant things we hear about/see in media. So I thought it wasnt for me. I understood a little more when my husband, just boyfriend at the time, explained his side to me, but I didnt take it seriously and try to learn more.

Over our third year, we started really seeing the effects of that vanilla lifestyle. My husband started to suffer. I was unhappy but couldn't figure out why. Not, "I wanna leave" unhappy, but, "Something doesnt feel right". We sat down and had a hard convo, and I realized I had to get my crap together. It was because I hadn't put too much effort into at the very least /understanding/ my husband. Even if I ended up not having a dominant personality hidden in my walls, I could know how his mind worked and try to work with that to make him happy.

Fast forward a few months, and I'm now in the Dominant role. It makes /sense/ to me now. I'm not great at it, not the best Domme, but our relationship is 10x better.

Biggest reason? I feel properly cared for now, as does he. A lot of my issues with him doing things without talking to me at the very least dont happen anymore.

For example, we were just at a marriage retreat, and friends of his from work wanted to hang out. Normally, that becomes very stressful for me, as 1) I'm an introvert so I dont like being around people, especially people I dont really get along with, and 2) I would feel alone as I would purposefully distance myself to spare my emotions the toil of dealing with people who didnt really work well with me, but in the process I would distance from him so it hurt me further.

This time around, he constantly came back to check in with me, he came to me to ask permission for things instead of just doing or spending money without making sure we could afford it (And with us about to take another trip, I really needed that), and he kept trying to make sure I was okay even if I told him he could go and do something. Wanting to make sure I wasnt too overwhelmed.

That alone, the constant reminder that he knows I'm there and I matter more than anything, that he knows I want to be informed of changes or new plans, shows me he cares. That's how he cares for me.

It extends to simpler things too, making tea for me in the morning, making sure to let me know where he is going if it's different than his usual routine, allowing me to have time at home to recharge despite him being an extrovert and wanting to be around others... there are so many ways he takes care of me.

Cilantro​(dom male) • Dec 18, 2018

Communicate honestly and that's half the battle.

T slave​(sub female){Owned} • Dec 19, 2018

i actually wrote a blog about this, that i am his ladyhawk, there to help and protect. In my relationship there is a definite give and take. Master is very good at looking out for his slave but in return i have also been a caregiver. Always there to help or just be support when needed. It is a true partnership.

Any relationship that is one sided will fail in my opinion, yes i am allowed to have an opinion.

BDSM or vanilla relationships, it takes two to make up the perfect tango!

Samsea​(dom male) • Dec 19, 2018

Sir Hanz said...

"Many doms put up a strong front and hate to show weakness to anyone, especially someone they care about.
But there are always clues."

I totally agree, we ... male or female Doms by our very nature take the high ground, with 'our submissive's' as it is fundamental in the original and on-going consent we Dom's set the tone for what happens during the time (in my case limited) we spend with them.

Also, I know the effect my voice has on her just by being me, she wants to please me and I always praise her if she has been good. In return she is as aware as I am; that a good Dom/Sub is a two way street, and like any relationship it needs to be worked at.

It's certainly my way to be emphatic and understanding of all her wants and needs, and she most definitely enjoys both sides of our relationship, she tells me when we talk and discuss how our relationship is progressing. The tender side of our play is as big a part as (for want of a better description) as the BDSM play part. For me, it is certainly no weakness for a Dom to show affection, but I can't comment on others if that is not in his makeup, that cannot be forced.
Affection and a loving nature, does not conflict with my Dom play, however for me, with my little Kitten it's natural.

Sam