Communication

Bunnie • Mar 16, 2019

A suggestion I made on a blog related to this topic, was to try journaling and then reading your journal aloud to your Sir. I believe this would help to bridge the gap between your thoughts and learning to be comfortable verbalising when you’re uncomfortable. So many of us were raised to not speak our truth, so it is a very real struggle for most people.

Amaris Ancilla​(sub female) • Mar 16, 2019

Oh my goodness Bunnie! That's an amazing suggestion. Reading it will help me verbalize it! I write since I'm scared of just talking so if I speak what I write...Oh my gosh that's brilliant! It's gonna take me a while to get the guts to do that since I just started though. Definitely going to do this in the future! Thank you!

NoOneofConsequence​(dom male)​{Taken} • Mar 17, 2019

One of the things I've been running into is this.

Off-line, when I can see, hear, smell, taste, and **feel** you, I am (at the risk of toodling my own horn) pretty damn proficient at reading non-verbals. Naturally this gets better over time spent with you. But, due to some misspent time and effort in my checkered past, I'm pretty good right out of the cracker jack box at knowing what you mean, what you feel, what you think. Even when it is not said.

On-line, though...

Words are a powerful tool. The right word in the right place and at the right term versus the **almost** right word can break a heart. Or mend it.

The problem that I, myself, run into is that the typed word lacks tone or inflection. Lacks facial expression. Lacks... well, all contextual clues. And I am left with just the meaning, the definition pulled from my own reasonably decent lexicon colored rather more by my perceptions in addition to Webster.

However...

However, the more words that are shared, the more that is said, the more common experience is built, the more opportunity there is to ascertain the value laden meaning you ascribe to that particular word as opposed to the meaning I have always ascribed to it.

And, yet...

And yet, I find that all too often a submissive that I am in contact with will turtle up based on a misconstrued syntax rather than taking the opportunity to explain, to work it out, to give the chance to seek a deeper understanding of each other.

And I can't help but question... If you don't trust me enough to communicate with me, to share your words and trust that I will take them in good faith, that I will treasure them and the deeper understanding of you that they allow, then how can you trust me with anything else?

Amaris Ancilla​(sub female) • Mar 17, 2019

Oof..That's the exact reply that I was terrified of, and it's because you are completely justified in asking that.

"If you don't trust me enough to communicate with me...then how can you trust me with anything else?"

That's such a touchy topic with me that hits two different things. I can trust my lover with SO MUCH, just about everything, but I cannot bring myself to always communicate. I feel like a big part of it is because of my past and upbringing. I was always punished for trying to communicate, whether that be by my ex or my family. The latter, communicating was viewed as disobedience or talking back. With the former...I simply wasn't allowed a voice. Nothing I ever said or did was ever considered, and so after a time I just stopped trying...

Now, it's almost as if I forgot how to use it. I rely heavily on sounds and my lover. I HAVE to TRUST him to interpret my sounds and actions right...and guide me into the most effective form of communication. I feel so bad for it since it's almost a mind game/guessing game, but I just CAN'T talk to save my life.

hiraethslave​(sub female)​{unavailabl} • Mar 18, 2019

I'm going to go a different route... i love writing. It helps me a lot, however, my GREATEST communicating around tough topics comes in the form of recorded messages. I used to send recorded rambles pretty much constantly. I appreciate hearing my person's voice. Hearing their words and tone is WAY more useful to me than reading their words. I can't begin to explain how much i treasured the times I would get a recording from my Daddy/Master. I would hang on to those and replay them over and over. If I was facing a struggle or needed to express a concern, before I reached for the computer to type i would reach for my phone to record. He didn't mind that it was circular and rambly. Knowing that He wouldn't respond immediately, and that I could always delete the recording if I never got around to the point took a lot of the pressure off. So, journals are great... recorded rambles are awesome too.
good site for it: vocaroo.com

~faith