Nudes for dudes?

NoOneofConsequence​(dom male){Taken} • May 9, 2019

There is a reason that strip clubs are everywhere, but male reviews such as Chippendales are a (comparatively) rare phenomenon. There were a pair of comedians a long time ago that said it best.

Jeff Foxworthy when he said "men want two things, they want a beer and to see something naked" was almost right. I happen to be allergic to something in beer (maybe the hops), so you can pour mine right back in the Clydesdale you got it out of. But, I do enjoy seeing a naked female (sorry fellas) form. Ditto for Rodney Carrington with "Titties and Beer" song.

The thing is, over half the population of this ball of rock has a pair I'd be interested in seeing if they wanted to show them to me. And I've seen quite a few, although probably always one less pair than I would want to. But, would I if I hadn't been raised in a society where they are habitually NOT revealed?

But, that's not necessarily a D-thing so much as a Y-chromosome thing. Or maybe even just a "forbidden fruit" thing.

When the D-thing and power exchange becomes involved... Yes, I can see that there is a certain something in achieving being granted a view of something that is not freely given to just anybody. And the more difficult it is to obtain, the more of a challenge, the more a D-type will desire it as a mark of her mental and emotional submission.

And, at the risk of sounding like I'm toodling my own horn, I am pretty fucking good. I admit, I'm still learning LDR and am not as proficient there as I am in person as yet. But, I am still fair to middlin' at the game. Not only when I'm trying, but when I'm not trying. And sometimes even when I am specifically trying not to. Yet, I have never attempted such in a first communication. Or even in the first night. After three days/nights of pretty consistent communication, if it feels right, I might. Might. But, even that feels... I don't know. Too soon for me.

Two months in, one young woman would not show me her face. Anything else I could want to see, fine. Her exposed nipples with bobby pins in place for nipple clamps. Her exposed ass and pussy with an anal plug and dildo inserted, fine. But, not her face. ***shrug*** Naturally, being a D-type, that challenge made me want to see her face. But, I respected her limit until she disrespected mine, challenging me with falsehoods gleaned from somewhere else and I scathingly pointed out that she knew my name, my address, and had pictures of my face, and yet challenged me for my trust while giving me none of those and with a falsehood touted by someone who similarly had not given his to her.

Twelve months in, another still would not show me her body. And her face only nine times total. At that point, no. Whatever we had might or might not have some semblance of dynamic, but it was obvious (to me) that there was no sexual component. However, I'd only politely hinted three times and left it alone when she indicated it was a limit. But, I think it is also important to note that not only are limits there for a reason, but define just what the dynamic can or can't be.

In both cases, I didn't insist, but nudged and then backed off, waiting to see.

And that is without them telling me it is a hard limit, much less that there are potentially damaging psychological factors such as PTSD.

A soft limit is fun to play with. A hard limit after a lengthy time building trust can be fun to tease, but not quite press. A hard limit tied to a damaging mental factor, no. Those, I will give a wide berth. While I do have a stripe of emotional sadism in my make-up, I can get behind bringing out a good healing hurt, but never a damaging harm.

I don't know, kinkylittlemommyace. It could be that he isn't a D-type at all, but just a dude that has decided that miserable little subs in sub-frenzy are like shooting fish in a barrel for wank fodder. It could be that he is a D-type, but unpracticed enough that he doesn't understand the harm in attempting to... mmm... to wrest Power rather than accepting control in this situation. Or maybe he is a D-type in a Dom-frenzy for some reason (which, to me, is a danger signal that he isn't in control of himself and shouldn't be trying to control someone else, if true). It could be that he is an emotional sadist in D-clothing, or perhaps doesn't even realize it.

But, cutting away everything to the hard kernel of the matter, your body, mind, heart, and soul are yours, even as a submissive, until you choose to surrender them to someone. And if he is tapdancing on hard limits that you have expressed and causing you to withdraw your consent, then I see absolutely no reason for you to doubt yourself, your instincts, or that you did the right thing. Quite the contrary. I would think there would be more of an issue if you had tried to talk yourself into abandoning that hard limit so soon, before he had even begun really to earn your faith and trust.

***shrug***

Then again, that's just my opinion. And I'm not your D-type of whatever stripe either. So, it's up to you (and anyone else that reads this) to take the ramblings of an old man the white jacketed jackasses tell me is past my sell-by date.

Just Jessy​(switch gender queer){Owned} • May 9, 2019

Bunnie,

Thank you for your response. It's very much appreciated. I agree with everything you said, and that's why I did run the other way when that happened. Thanks for your advice and sharing your experiences


Mermaster​(dom male){own KitKat},

Yes, they definitely can end up anywhere, and if that isn't a haunting idea for someone who isn't an exhibitionist, I don't know what is.

Just Jessy​(switch gender queer){Owned} • May 9, 2019

NoOneofConsequence,

Thank you for your long thought out response. I pretty much agree with everything you said (Except that you're past your best-by date. Nobody's too old for fun). It can be very tricky to assess the situation and find out what is really going through someone's mind, especially online. Thanks again for sharing your time and thoughts. I really appreciate it

Kit Kat​(sub female) • May 9, 2019

I am the sender of unsolicited nudes to Mermaster!!

I'm a fan of what I would call the "tasteful nude".. but it seems to be very tame by today's standards.

I am an exhibitionist.. and only post pictures that I like myself. I am comfortable with them.

I do not think it strange to exchange a picture of what you look like.. think similar to the context of match.com or a vanilla dating site.

The training context seems ridiculous.. and I am happy you trusted your gut and ran.

All the best,

Kit

Fyglia Wicked​(dom female) • May 10, 2019

Asking for nudes to be sent is the equivalent of unsolicited cock pics

You had every right to be upset
A Dom/me doesn't have to be psychic to know basic RESPECT..

The boy
Trying to twist your boundaries by saying it was a hurdle YOU need to get over is manipulation.

Just Jessy​(switch gender queer){Owned} • May 10, 2019

Kit Kat,

I totally agree with your "tasteful nude" comment. I definitely take sexy pics for people I want to share them with, and I would never send one I didn't like, Ibjust don't send ones without clothing, haha.
Yes. The training context does seem ridiculous.
Thank you for your comment



Fyglia Wicked, I totally agree. It doesn't take much to know basic respect. And yes, it absolutely was manipulation. It was quite ridiculous, actually, because even though it was a total stranger, I still doubted myself. Ugh, the brain, lol. Thanks for your response

MasterBrads painpet​(sub female){OWNED} • May 10, 2019

@DrWakko

I agree with you. When I started out my first Master said I was signing a 2 week contract to be trained as a submissive in the lifestyle. Me thinking I don't know how in the world can you be trained in this amount of time. From what I read it was impossible. To many parts to the lifestyle. Also learning it's impossible because each Dom is as different as night and day. If you find ones similar that's a fluke.

I feel you can learn or be trained for the basics but another stretch. I've also learned in each part of the big old world. Each area is totally different ways of doing things. Just like many Doms many areas. I found talking to Doms from west to east. North to south. UK to Australia even in Canada it's very different.

So being trained and expecting it to be what your Dom will like. You might be surprised he'll want it different. I look at it like in the vanilla world. When you are out there dating you didn't act the same with the man/woman you dated. You had to change to fit their personality their likes. Need to do the same in the lifestyle looking at Doms as a straight across the board being the same will make it hard.. I'd rather be trained by the Dom I chose so I can be ensured I'm bringing pleasure to him as his submissive .

Just what I've learned since coming to the lifestyle and about training.

MasterBear​(other butch) • May 10, 2019

In my opinion his request takes back seat to your reaction.

Let me clarify---

It doesnt matter what the request was. ANYTIME you have a reation like that you can safely put that request in your "hard nos for now " list.

Is what he is asking for common?
Yes.
Does it make it valid?
No

As a Master identified person I dont care what my s types look like naked. That isnt even on my top 10.

This is a great chance for you to decide what your limits are and what you having a limit means to you.

If this person says that as an s type you dont have a right to refuse. Then leave.
Hes lying.

Be safe. Take care of you.

Conan​(dom male) • May 16, 2019

Please be careful about this. I've watched a lot of friends leave the site because of boys playing at domming getting nude pictures then blackmailing as soon as something doesn't go their way.

At the very least keep your face out of them.

Fen'Harel​(dom male) • May 16, 2019

I always ask the submissive if they have any problems sending sexual pictures and if so list why. SO I know when I can if at all possible. Sometimes it takes getting them in the subspace needed