Tell Me All About Real Doms

No Body​(dom male) • Aug 21, 2019

A sub and a Dommi both told me once the best Doms are the ones who were first subs or just learned to be Doms. Not the full life Doms. Those who learned what it is to give to others before they learned to take know more about limits and how to carefully cross them make the best "teachers".
I think the best way to say this is to tell this story. "A boy in Italy told his grandfather he wanted to build boats like him and his father. When the boy turned ten the grandfather told him he would learn to buil boats. His grandfather told him to start here at the bottom and nail boards to the spine and when he was finished go to the next one and do the same. After 2 years of doing this the grandfather told him to start nailing boards to another part of the ship. This went one for 15 years and finally the man went to the grandfather and asked when would he be able to build boats like him. The grandfather smiled and said "where did you start working?" At the bottom on the spine. " where are you working now?" Wherever I am needed. "What part can you work on?" All of it! The grandfather smiled and the young man learned he had become what he always wanted."
Time is what it takes to make something. Without time and heart you can't make anything inside or out. Time makes things the heart makes it worth having. As for finding the right one well that also takes time and well let's face it most settle for what they have not what they want.
Me I found what I needed in her not a sub but a marvelous person who makes me happy if not semi whole. She bugs me she pushes me to my limits and she loves me no matter how stupid I get. I would like to have a sub but by the time I finish school and get other things started I don't see where I will have time for someone. Making time for a sub and their need is the most important thing. It's more than they have needs it is the fact they are part of you the minute you take them. You both feed off the emotions and needs you both have and give to each other. This morning I woke up and was thinking about coffee when a arn flopped over my chest pinched my nipple giiggled and went back to sleep with a light snore. I spent another 30 minutes tring to find a better way to start my day. The day my ex woke me up with a BJ came close but I never felt so loved before that moment. No she is far from what I wanted in a woman but she goes so far past what I needed in one.
Dom's/Dommi's will pass in your life but the right one will become part of you.
I hate when I write so much I forget what it was I was suppose to talk about. Cheers all

PappaBear • Aug 22, 2019

Unfortunately there’s no secret handshake to know a “Real” Dom from someone that you might consider “fake” or “wannabe”. Remember, your kink is not my kink... what is right for you is not right for the next person and vice versa... in that simple explanation you must realize that a person, whether sub identified or Dom identified, may come across to you as fitting the criteria for what YOU consider “fake” or “real”. So all you are doing is identifying them as a person who seems to match your kinks, style of play, and moral and ethical criteria for entering a dynamic with you or not. Let’s say you have a hard limit about chocolate cake... and you meet a “Dom” who wants you to eat chocolate cake... just because your tastes and theirs do not line up does not make them fake.

Getting the “subs” take on what went wrong might not tell you anything but lies... unfortunately not every sub out there is honest and sometimes they get hurt through no fault of the Dom’s. They of course don’t want to accept their own part in what happened and choose to tell their peers all about that mean old Dom.. he’s a fake, he treated me wrong... when the simple truth is... sometimes subs know just what to say to a Dom to get them to accept them. And it becomes clear very quickly that the dynamic is not in either of their best interests.

Finally, Dominants are human. Yes, we should hold ourselves to a higher standard than we hold our submissives too, but that does not mean we don’t make mistakes. I would be willing to bet most if not all Dominants tend to punish themselves deeply when they have made an error. It’s not something we want to do, and through experience we learn just how damaging those small errors can be to those who entrust us with their submission, care and safety.