How to Institute Orgasm Control

xwillowx{Not lookin} • Feb 11, 2020

Wouldn't this theory potentially produce the opposite affect and we could become mentally desensitized to the image?

Misterasmodai​(dom male) • Feb 11, 2020

That is possible, yes. The direction it goes can depend on the intensity of the impact the image has on you, as well as your own nature. If you respond well to surprises, using the image more sparingly in your practice might prove more helpful. If you thrive on dependability, the opposite may be true. This is why it is important to have a clear understanding of how you respond to the varying elements, personally.

ThirtyFourPointFive • Feb 11, 2020

I am reading "Mind Play" by Mark Wiseman. The book concerns Erotic Hypnosis. If you are already looking into the subject, I can recommend it.
The book is very thorough, telling you the process of putting someone under and how to do it safely.
He uses a number of triggers to produce sensations and orgasm by touching certain spots on the body that were previously programmed during hypnotic trance. He also instructs how to bind without rope, freeze your partners body in position or position them as you would a mannequin. It is all very interesting and done with full compliance of the partner.
It is a process though, something you do over time as you practice putting your partner under.
All I need now is a willing victim G

Island girl​(sub female){Yes owned.} • Feb 11, 2020

I just started reading "Mind Play" last night! Another book I found interesting and am starting to read and modify is called Instant Self-Hypnosis by Forbes Robin Blair. I figure if we can implant some triggers and change some of my attitudes using this method, Master's work will be easier. Now to find out if He wants it to be easier or not. Sometimes it is the challenge that makes it the most fun. He does like what I put together. A few minor changes and I'm good to go. I just don't talk that much... I tried it this morning and my voice didn't like being used that much! I may have to shorten the induction portion of the scheduled program!

I like the idea of the images, and I think that is more of a male thing, the visual stimulation. I never really thought about that, I was mostly focused on obeying and staying in the moment! I think I'm more kinesthetic than visual even though I'm a visual artist. Isn't that strange...

Re: How to Institute Orgasm Control

NCarraway​(dom male) • Feb 11, 2020

My experience is that the control of orgasms, by which I think you mean being able to stay on the edge and not orgasm, is just a matter of building a solid dynamic. I have built very effective orgasm control with several partners over the last few years and my methods have worked well for me thus far. The way I approach it is this way...

1. Do not allow the submissive to orgasm of their own free will
2. Build good non-sexual rapport, build trust, understand each other's values
3. Keep conversations away from overt sexual topics in the initial stages of the relationship (a week or two), allowing the submissive to go a little crazy with arousal
4. Develop voice contact over this period. In particular the submissive has to associate the Doms voice with comfort/trust AND arousal. I have a thing for reading to my partner so this can work well and allows the Dom to practice the right voice (pitch, colour, tenor, pace etc)
5. Introduce physical orgasms but only when the Dom is present (or voicing)
6. Once physical orgasms are introduced go crazy with the amount and intensity ... you want the submissive to feel the incredible difference between nothing for a week or two (while they were going crazy with arousal), to being pushed to their limits with your voice present. I'd suggest a wide variety of many orgasms, every day/night. Regularity is your friend at this point: you are conditioning.
7. The Dom should use EVERY opportunity, in scene and out of scene, to underline the fact that the orgasm belongs to them and that no orgasm should occur without their permission.
8. The moment immediately before orgasm and immediately after orgasm is GOLDEN TIME! for introducing suggestions/reinforcing the orgasm control
9. Repeat steps 6 onwards.

There are many intricacies you could think about and we could discuss but this is the basic scheme.

Once you have this mastered, your submissive should have a great association between your voice and the orgasm. Yes, hypnosis will help and it would be better if your partner also becomes involved in the hypnosis (you want to be fixated on them not the hypnotist!). I have found that my use of hypnosis greatly accelerates the process but I am confident I could do it without hypnosis now I have seen the development quite a number of times. The hypnosis after all requires great trust, a fascination and devotion to your voice and great focus - things that you need anyway for everything to work. After this basic step you can move on to some really amazing experiences: voice come-on-command, fractionating between low and super-high arousal within seconds, a high degree of submissive-orgasm-control during physical sex, intentionally failed orgasms (your stopping mid-stream) etc etc etc.

I have not tried the conditioning with a picture or an image. I assume that it would work, although, as has been pointed out, men tend to be more visual and women less so. The problem with the picture approach though is it is not so adaptable to vanilla settings and you always have to carry the image with you or within your head. One thing that a Dom always carries with themselves is their voice. Its perfectly adaptable to vanilla settings, can be sent remotely (telephone), can be whispered in the ear and the submissive almost always fetishizes it anyway.

Note/disclaimer: I know there are people who have more of a physical/psychological difficulty with achieving orgasms. I have not gone through the orgasm control process with people who would identify themselves as 'finding it more challenging' but I imagine that given enough time and focus the same end would result. Once you accept that you orgasm because of what happens inside the brain then a lot of perspectives change.

My own opinions of course. I wish you great luck on your exciting journey! Carraway

zash • Feb 11, 2020

With me visual is the fastest way mostly of the times the same scene with small alterations;) I am talking in my only Vanilla experience.... have no idea yet how I would react on a order to obey ( never experienced yet )

Island girl​(sub female){Yes owned.} • Feb 12, 2020

Aloha NCarraway,

Thank you for your thoughts on the issue. I have forwarded them to Master. This is a behavior that He has wanted for a very long time, and I am 100% on board with it. I've been researching ways to get past my own defenses and changing my internally held beliefs to get them out of the way. What an interesting journey that turns out to be! I started with the old beliefs that came from my mother, for instance, and other beliefs that I have created over time that I think might be getting in the way. My goal is to bulldoze over the Silent Observer with new positive beliefs about sexuality, exhibitionism, super-positive body image tied to eroticism and my desire to please and serve Master in whatever capacity He chooses. Yes, I trust Him implicitly, and yes, He has a sexy voice! Thank you again!

DrKrall • Mar 8, 2020

I've experimented with this. Maybe it wasn't entirely ethical because I didn't tell my sub about it, but since we had a TPE relationship I guess it fell within our blanket concent. She figured it out eventually but it was extremely funny for me when I could make her orgasm on command and she didn't know what was happening.

I started out by choosing a triggerphrase. I didn't want it to be anything to common in case it actually would work and she would orgasm from people talking on the bus or something. At the same time it couldn't be something to weird since that would make her "training" to obvious.

I choose the phrase "Come for Daddy" and in the exact moment she came I whispered this into her ear. I kept this up for some time and then I whispered just a little before she was ready to come, and it worked. Eventually it worked even when we weren't having sex. We were at a club watching another couple performing. I could see she was extremely turned on, so I grabbed her neck with one hand (this was another trigger for her) and whispered in her ear and she orgasmed in the crowd.

I believe the key is repetition and going very very slow. If You go to fast it might not work and the moment it doesn't work You probably have to start all over again. I suppose it works even if the sub knows what You are doing as long as he or she is OK with it and doesn't fight it.

There are dangers involved though, especially if the technique is used for orgasm denial instead of forced orgasms. I talked to a sub who for many years wasn't allowed to come unless her Master said a keyword, and she claimed, after they broke up she couldn't come width a partner or by herself for almost two years .

HisAngel • Mar 8, 2020

I hope you don't mind me piggy backing on your question but on the same topic. How would this work or is it even possible if the submissive struggles with being able to orgasm. I'm on medications for my depression that make it nearly impossible.

The year my fiance and I have been having sex I've never been able to orgasm with him not for his lack of trying or my lack of being turned on as hell..... Even if it's just me masturbating it takes me about an hour before I can get to that point and sometimes still nothing so.....it's frustrating. I've tried switching anti depressants and it helped in that aspect some but my depression got worse so obviously I went back on the original medicine I was on.

DrKrall • Mar 8, 2020

It's not magic but science. In my language it's called "betingning". I don't know the english word but it could be "conditioning".
It doesn't make orgasm more easy, it only teaches Your brain to react to the keyword or keyphrase.
Anti depressants are supposed to smooth out feelings and unfortunately they often does affect the ability to orgasm and even the lust itself.
I'm not an expert, but I don't think conditioning would help to even out the medication. I think they work on different levels.