Total Power Exchange (TPE)

tallslenderguy​(kinky male) • Jul 4, 2020

" 'Why yes honey I'd love to tell you what outfit to change into after the baby threw up on the old one, but I'm in a meeting and the boss is glaring at me' or 'I was going to call and ask your permission to pee but then the pipes exploded, the boss had a heart attack, and the ambulance caught fire.'"

lmao. Exactly.

bearfortwinkz​(dom male) • Jul 4, 2020

So what you guys are talking about is what I would call a common sense override. Stuff like that off course use your common sense, especially emergencies. And for that reason, I would agree 100% all the time simply isn’t practical or even possible.

tallslenderguy​(kinky male) • Jul 4, 2020

Yeah...there are some serious people here, which i really appreciate. "Role play" repels me (not judging role play, just stating the effect on me) because it feels unreal to me, like i or the person i am with is acting. For me, D/s is all about connecting with another at our deepest, most essential levels, so anything that 'feels' like pretending is a violation for me.

i think it can be easy to get caught up in ideas and the definitions and rules we apply to D/s and, consequently, miss what is really there. i think this applies to TPE as well as the many other elements that can make for a D/s (and it's myriad variations) relationship.

i believe it's important to be cognizant of ones reasons behind entering into a TPE dynamic in the first place?

This is not a perfect analogy, but TPE could be thought of as one of many vehicles that can take 'us' (a D and s?) to a place. The specific instance, like what to wear, or when to pee, chastity, etc., could be likened to the fuel for the vehicle. Each 'instance' is personal, specific, custom to that D/s dynamic. Chastity might be a full tank of fuel in a dynamic where what to wear may be like a gallon of fuel, so each may take a different distance and refueling times for different destinations vary.
Sorry to indulge in cliche, but is it about the journey, not the destination?

Kara​(sub female)​{Dark Roast} • Jul 4, 2020

I am in a 24/7, live in TPE. Emergencies or not, it doesn't end. How does it look ? Pretty normal and vanilla, actually in the real world. I am expected to act like a competent, capable adult with a brain at all times and to take care of myself so that he doesn't have to.

Okay, that doesn't sound like TPE at all, especially since there's no micromanagement. It's TPE because I know his preferences and expectations at all times. Also, he can change anything that he doesn't like. He doesn't pick out my clothes, but can change my outfit if he doesn't like it or find the outfit appropiate. He doesn't control how I spend my time, but he can always add a task to my day or change the schedule. I gave up my power and right to say no, not my thinking or having preferences.

bearfortwinkz​(dom male) • Jul 4, 2020

Kara that’sa good way to explain it.