Who's chasing who?

Taramafor​(sub male) • Aug 25, 2020

Knowing what you want and seeking it out isn't "dominance". It's knowing what you want and seeking it out. If a sub didn't approach a dom they wouldn't be able to have discussions about control, let the dom lead them, etc. It sounds more like this is an excuse conjured up because dom females get too many desperate subs after them.

We all approach others and know what we want. Or at least talk about that. Anyone that fails to do so lets themselves be neglected. I approach others all the time but they're the ones making sure I'm doing as I'm told. Me too technically. But I enjoy it. THAT is dominance and submission. One person calling the shots and the other falling in line. In order to find that out you TALK to others. CHASE them when they catch your attention. Preferably without coming across as desperate. Others aren't going to come to you by magic. Maybe sometimes, but why limit your options and wait for something that may never happen? You have to make things happen no matter how submissive you are. A dom also has to follow the example of others if their own skills and abilities are lacking. That's just the simple fact of the matter. We're all having to take the initiative and learn from others. We all make it happen with our own two hands.

Submissive men DO chase dominant women. Some get what they're looking for, others don't. Wherever they have a dominant personality as well depends entirely on who you ask.

Lovelass​(sub male){Need a Dom} • Aug 26, 2020

In my opinion Domme's not chasing sub males, they choosing them. As my own experience male subs is those who chasing a goddess and i can say, it' not easy

Re: Who's chasing who?

MrFulmen • Aug 26, 2020

I don't think so.

I can easily believe that cis men have an easier time finding submissive women partners than dominant women partners, but when you compare against any other gender configuration cis men seeking women in general have the easiest time in dating by a long shot. We face a tremendously lower risk of violence from potential partners. We don't get slut shamed for asking for what we want. We don't have to deal with the horde of pushy, duplicitous fuckboys who hound women in dating environments.

You see far more sub men than dominant women creating accounts here and posting personal ads and all that, and you think that means that the men have it hard and the women have it easy. But it's the other way around. The reason more men are more active in places like this is precisely because it is easier for us. We don't get harassed. We risk less judgment from vanilla society if we're outed.

Women who want to dominate have an especially hard time of it. We live in a sexist society that is not at all friendly to women who want to be in charge. You might think "Dommes get so many messages. How lucky!" but you've gotta understand that the majority of those messages aren't really offers. They're demands. "Punish me Mistress!" is an order. If she doesn't obey, the next message is likely to be "Fuck you you fat ugly bitch!!!"

The thing is, we men are taught that finding a partner should be super easy. Like if you're just a half-decent guy you're entitled to a woman who's sexy and patient and loving and devoted to you and caters to all your fetishes. So the work of finding a partner *feels* harder to a lot of guys. Because they were subconsciously expecting to just show up, post a personal ad that says "Sub here for use!" and have a woman fall into their lap. We don't tend to get taught how to have patience or make ourselves attractive to a partner or even just how to treat women like people instead of like objects to project our fantasies onto.

The good news--for men, anyway--is that that makes it real easy to distinguish yourself. The straight sub men I know who've put a little work into recognizing their privilege and learning what it really means to see women as human beings never lack for partners.

MelMell​(dom female) • Sep 16, 2020

I have plenty of subs message me constantly. I honestly rarely reach out first unless I see a profile I really like(they appealed to my vanity). I normally set up and ad and wait for the replies to come in. The sub isn’t really chasing. They are simply reaching out and showing they have a desire to belong to me which is great. Once the initial connection has been made I’ll do the chasing. I like hunting after all.
I do think male subs have the hardest job. Of finding a dominant for them! There’s very few female doms and I’ve noticed a lot of them rarely ever log on or do it maybe once a month or every few weeks. There’s so many male subs just looking for a domme and they can’t find one. One of my male dom friends in here told me a male sub pretended to be a woman because he can’t get any domme to talk to him. Dommes I’ve noticed are like unicorns, extremely rare.
Anyways if you feel that reaching out to a domme is considered “chasing” it’s not true. You are merely offering yourself up on a platter. Just remember that a lot of domme want more than just a simple “hi I want to be your sub” no no no you gotta seduce the woman in us. Remember there’s more male subs than female doms and most of the domme here seen to be mono instead of poly. You have to make a damn good first impression. Read their profile, blog or ad. If they don’t have any of that set up then introduce yourself very well and maybe you get a reply.