How would you make your sub cum

Patience and distraction

raiseaneyebrow • Nov 19, 2020

Much of the issue in cases like this is to do with too much focus on the orgasm itself. It’s important to focus on making the journey as relaxing, distracted and pleasurable as possible. By removing the belief that the orgasm is the most important part of play you stand a far better chance of engendering a pleasurable and satisfying atmosphere.

Then learning to read their responses and by playful exploration you may be able to deliver that result. But don’t make it the focus.

NoOneofConsequence​(dom male){Taken} • Nov 20, 2020

Back in the time that has mold and/or dust on the chronicles, my second ex-fiancee and first full sexual experience had this problem.

"Second... first... whut?" Long story. And irrelevant.

The thing is, I was pretty well studied on the topic of sex for reasons that also are not germane and too lengthy to explain. And no matter what I did, or how good I was at it (very), she just didn't have anything I recognized as an orgasm.

So, I asked her about it. And she'd never had one.

Being pretty knowledgeable on the subject, I asked her (as many here have indicated) what she did when she masturbated.

She hadn't.

"What the fuck? Over."

Nope. She'd never once "committed the sin of Onan."

Oy vez.

So, me being the quintessential uber-nerd, I went spelunking for books and magazine articles about this and how to beat it. And ran into brick wall after brick wall after brick wall.

So, how many of you know that in heterosexual couplings, it is not uncommon for the woman to be fearful of being bred? I did... but, I didn't. I mean, okay. So, I could see that we weren't ready for the 2.5 kids, dog, and white picket fence just yet. But, we were going to get them together later. That was the plan anyway. And wasn't the whole sex thing off the table if you weren't willing to suffer the consequences, or am I just weird, being the product of a couple of kids experimenting and the plumbing working as intended that I wasn't gonna fuck anyone I wasn't willing to risk bringing another life into this world with, or catching whatever they might have?

Well, apparently there is this whole thing where they want to do it, but are skeered of the consequences. "Shucks, honey. Hundreds and hundreds of times ain't nuffin' happen." Just how that is the case for someone who never orgasms, I have no fuckin' clue. I mean, I thought that was the entire draw. But, yeah. So, that was a thing.

Alright, no problem. Since even a condom (with spermicide), the pill, a diaphragm, an IUD, observing "the rhythm method," AND pulling out ALL TOGETHER didn't surmount this obstacle, then we would just do without the dick.

I like licking, sucking, and tongue fucking pussy. Nay, I love it! And nobody ever got pregnant from a good tongue lashing, right?

Only... ***sigh***

Only apparently there is the whole thing with being concerned about how they smell for some.

Girl, let me explain something. I like my dick right where it is, thank you. In fact, I decided while a few of your Daddies were still trying to figure out how to get that finger in their mouth that I was going to thoroughly check any hole before I put my dick in it. If I don't want to look at it, smell it, taste it, I ain't a-gonna put my dick in it. End of story.

And just because I've fucked that specific hole before doesn't mean I'm not gonna check it out just as thoroughly again the next time. There are all kinds of stories about people getting bitten by something that moved in while they were out. No thank you!

But, yeah. Some are so caught up in worrying about how they look, smell, taste that they just can't anytime someone might be looking, smelling, tasting.

***sigh*** Fine. I've still got ten fingers. And I used to play classical guitar. I also used to do pull-ups using a towel with my thumbs wrapped with my fingers rather than the conventional grip. I had strength, dexterity, endurance, and determination on my side. While I enjoy diddling, fingering, and (eventually) fingerbanging AS FOREPLAY, this was taking a great deal of the fun out of it for me, almost becoming a chore. But, I took the long view that once I taught her to cum, it would be on like Donkey Dong... er, Kong.

Nope. Unh-uh. Still wasn't happening. Would anyone care to guess just why?

Ding-ding-ding. If you said "trying too hard," give yourself a donut.

(Now, what you do with said donut is totally and completely up to you...)

This necessitated a world-shifting view on my part more than hers.

The point of sex wasn't to cum?! What the ever-loving fuck, over?!

This was a radical departure. And one that almost broke my little brain trying to wrap my mind around it.

I mean, don't get me wrong. I could stroke my cock for an hour before I climaxed the first time. Or fuck for an hour not counting preliminary foreplay. But, I was gonna cum in there somewhere, damn it! That was the whole fuckin' point! Wasn't it? This other thing was like kissin' your sister, wasn't a whole lot of point since it wasn't gonna go anywhere (except maybe in Arkansas) (nor would I have wanted it to. Ewww. Just no).

But, I was more focused than a laser. I would own this part of her as well. She, by God, would cum for me, and as often as I wanted her to.

To keep a long story short... Oops, too late. Again.

Any road, I learned massage and sensual massage. And for weeks, our "play" was mostly me giving her a full body massage for an hour. Exploring every part of her body from the tips of her toes to her scalp. Relaxing her. Making her comfortable. Then, gradually adding back in direct manual stimulation of the erogenous zones. Then oral.

Her first ever orgasm caught us both by surprise and was a serious setback since she squirted (which even I'd never heard of at that point) and we both thought she'd peed in my face.

Once I went back to the college stacks and figured out what had happened, I had #newgoals.

She, on the other hand, had a whole NEW phobia that had to be conquered.

As memory serves, it took right at about three weeks to get her to relax again and overwhelm her senses so that she couldn't think enough for her fears to be heard. Some of that was because I was still learning and making it up as we went at the time. But, it just isn't going to be instantaneous, I don't think.

Alright, so that was the first obstacle down. She had managed to cum. She knew what it felt like. The fears, however, were still there.

So, the next step was getting her to make herself cum.

I will never understand how any would not enjoy watching a woman touch her body and work herself to an orgasm. Intellectually, I understand that there are some. But, it is just so inherently beautiful to me that I will never be able to fully understand it in my soul. To "grok" it in the parlance of Michael Valentine Smith from Robert Heinlein's Stranger in a Strange Land.

Now, guys? That I can totally understand not wanting to see. But, a woman? Nope. I can acknowledge it and accept it, but never will understand.

So, we spent a couple more weeks with her touching herself as I watched, called directions from the shore where I was holding a life preserver, and appreciated the view verbally and loudly. And surmounted that hurdle, finally. (The plastic sheeting wasn't necessary, by the way.)

And then things got complicated.

Well, of course, they did! When don't they for women?!

The paper hadn't been published yet which found that some women can't have an orgasm from penetration if their clitoris is two centimeters distance from... Never mind. Not important.

What is relevant is that she couldn't cum while I was fucking her unless I was also diddling her clit and playing with her nipples while kissing and nibbling her ear and neck AND teasing the bottoms of her feet with my toes. Which, fortunately, I was flexible enough to do back then. These days? Forget about it. Sex in the back seat of a car is beyond my flexibility. Get out and put your pretty ass on the hood...

So, we didn't get married. Another long story. And irrelevant.

The important part is that when my third ex-fiancee came along, she was not only a virgin, she'd never had an orgasm either.

Well, I was not only way more studied, but vastly more practiced at this point.

First, I got her calm and relaxed.

Then, I overwhelmed her senses.

There was no pressure for her to cum. I was just enjoying her body and she should absolutely pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

Lots and lots of affirmation about what I was seeing and feeling.

She blew her cork and fainted.

On an only mildly related note, I had the opportunity to test my theory it is possible to "deflower" a virgin painlessly. And while I don't insist on it since she was the only subject to date in the study, right in the middle of the eighth consecutive orgasm worked very well.

We didn't get married either. Another long and irrelevant story.

What is relevant is that I took up with Love, the woman that would become my wife and then late wife. And while she could cum at will masturbating, had never been able to with someone else in the room.

Piffle. This was, as the saying goes, child's play after those two.

First, I got her calm and relaxed.

Then, I had her walk me through what she would do verbally. (Which in and of itself appeased my inner Sadist since she squirmed and blushed wonderfully.)

I calmed her once more and helped her to relax.

Then, I had her show me. NOT, I should mention, her actually cumming. But, just what she would do when she wanted to.

And when she didn't cum, that was perfectly alright. I was just pleased that she would show me such a beautiful sight.

The first time she did cum, touching herself with me in the room surprised her. Then, she was able to with her eyes open and watching me watch her.

I took over, doing the things she would do for herself. And the third time I did, she came for me doing them rather than doing for herself.

Once that hurdle was taken, I was able to show her more and more, and make her cum and cum. Oh, not everything worked, naturally. Women aren't vending machines. Some things will work with one, but not with another.

And, well fuck, not everything will work every single time on the same woman either according to her mood, the time of her cycle,... the fuckin' barometric pressure... how long the red dye has had to fade from her greying hair...

But, without fail, when I could take her to a place of calm and relaxation then overwhelm her senses while keeping her there, I could make her cum at will. Surprising the fuck out of her when I caused consecutive orgasms when she swore up and down that multi-orgasmic was a myth perpetuated by the male fantasies to bolster male egos.

Any road, despite what anyone might think, the purpose here was not for me to brag, but for me to teach, to answer the question on the floor as fully and honestly as I am able.


"You've got a dom that wants very much to be a sub. She's NEVER had an orgasm before..how do think you could make her cum.?"

Step 1: Get her calm and relaxed. Be her place of calm and relaxation.

Step 2: Identify and deal with any potential mental pitfalls, such as I pointed out. Get her to step outside of her fears and mental/emotional blocks.

Step 3: Once you are inside her head, overwhelm her physical senses.

3a) Find every place on her body that is hypersensitive. Not just the clit and nipples. The side of the neck. The back of the knee. Every single place that is "ticklish" for want of a better term. NOT to tickle. But, to caress.

3b) Stimulate them all! Touch. Caress. Manipulate. Make those places YOURS.

3c) When in doubt, check the color of the mons. If it ain't blushing, then work back out to the extremities and back in.

3d) Check inside. If the goosebumps aren't there as well as the arms, then you need to up your game.

Step 4: Stay inside her head. Do NOT let her start worrying. Not about anything. Definitely not about whether she cums or not. Or how "stupid" she might look if she does.

She is yours to take your pleasure of. And this is what you are doing. You are touching her because it pleases you to do so. You are looking at her because it pleases you to do so. You are inhaling her lovely scent because it pleases you to do so. You are tasting her because it pleases you to do so. You are listening to her sounds of pleasure because it pleases you to do so. If she cums or not is not what is important, but you taking your pleasure of her in a way that she is enjoying.

First, you were her place of calm and relaxation. Now, you are her entire world. Nothing is more important than the pleasure she feels at being able to please you by nothing more than allowing you to touch her.

Step 5: When she does cum, tell her what a good girl she is, how much you enjoy it, but DON'T STOP. If anything, work her harder, faster. Cumming is not the goal. Enjoying her as she enjoys you as you enjoy her is. Do not stop until and unless she is coherent enough to use the safeword.

Step 6: When done, cuddle the fuck out of her and tell her what a wonderful girl she is, how much the gift she has given you means to you. Hold her while she cries. (By my experiences and researches, about 85% will. Do not, under any circumstances, let go of her until the tears stop.)

Step 7: Let her up to go pee.

Step 8: Be waiting when the bathroom door opens and wrap her up in your arms again, and reiterate just how good she was for you.

Step 9: Caress every non-erogenous zone she possesses with fingertips and lips. (Tongue; optional, and "ick" dependent.)

Step 10; Roughly six to twelve hours after separation, remind her what happened by letting her know that you are still thinking about it, fantasizing about it, and looking forward to a repeat. Reiterate how wonderful she was, being as specific as possible.

Rinse and repeat as desired. Time enough for the whips, chains, nipple clamps, butt plugs, et al once you've got that dam broken.

That's how I've done it. And the only complaint I've had is that I'm too much and wear them out from cumming too much until they have trouble sitting the drive home.

Alternatively, strip 'em naked except for nipple clamps, strap 'em down face down on a bench so they can't move, fit 'em with a vibrating anal plug, move a piston-driven dildo into place, set a Hitachi wand against their clit, and stroke their back with a flogger every three seconds they don't cum while an assistant massages their scalp.

Your Mileage May Vary.

MelMell​(dom female) • Nov 20, 2020

First of all, has she ever tried making herself cum? Did it work or not? What did she try? For years I had issues being able to make myself cum. My mind also wanders a lot so I kept getting distracted. I asked male and female friends on what to do and nothing ever worked. I eventually found a way and it was with a vibrator(clit one)and porn. First time cumming will be a bit scary for her and she will have to push herself to keep going. After the initial freak out she will be fine and cumming will be so much easier.

MountaintopMaster • Nov 29, 2020

This sounds glorious and I'm sure it does happen, but indeed the "slightly" is a key word there, because I do suspect that Aria's general rule about "know thyself" likely applies to most women, and is the easier way to go.

Of course, don't let our opinions or stories stop anyone from persevering on BOTH pathways to that first orgasm, indeed!

Here's my contribution:
Before pushing them into a sub space, try it with them as a dom first. What I tell my wife when she dominates me is, "this moment is 100% about you. Be utterly and totally selfish, do whatever you feel like doing and do. not. stop. (Unless I safeword, but I'm not going to because we have the same limits and we just never go in that direction...)

Now, admittedly, she already knows how to cum, and has known how since long before I met her, but I can at least say that this has led to by far the most powerful orgasms of her entire life, so I know it can at least help.

Anyways, if domination just isn't working for her to cum, and she is genuinely INTERESTED in being submissive, then it'll probably be a much longer, slower approach, as SoMuchTrouble described, but it's certainly possible.

I'd start by just focusing on the emotional relaxation and surrender first and foremost. Make them just feel GOOD, and physically comfortable, long before you're touching any erogenous zones. Then, explore ways to get their heartrate up, whether it's physical BDSM experiments, or just whispering dirty talk, or even tantric meditation.

Next, it's probably going to be necessary to explore every "spot" in existence that is known to lead to orgasm, not just the clit and the G-spot, but all the others, too. Know how to "awaken" (engorge) the clit, how to stimulate multiple spots at once, etc... Last but not least, just keep going. It might take a really, really long time, but one thing that women usually hate is when they finally feel like you're building up to something, and then all of a sudden you change it up and do something totally different, or even just change your rhythm or direction too abruptly or sporadically. Smooth, slow, steady built-up is likely your best bet. And if you get 20-30 minutes in and your fingers/hands/wrists or other body parts are just worn out, then maybe you need a fucking machine, a vibrator, or something else. Of course, on that note, there is such a thing as too much. You probably don't want to just go bonkers with a Hitachi right on her clit for 40 minutes, just to "see what happens". It's very likely that a slow, gentle, enduring build-up is going to do the trick.

DISCLAIMER: My apologies if everything I've said is total no-brainer obvious stuff that everybody already does, or that you've already tried a hundred times. This is just my basic collection of thoughts off the top of my head. I know what works for me and my sub, but I don't have tons and tons of experience outside of "us", either, so, grab your grains of salt, yall!

MountaintopMaster • Nov 29, 2020

Well, damn! I guess I've got my flexibility and multi-tasking work cut out for me if I ever want to make my wife cum from fucking, instead of always alone with a vibrator. Wish me luck!

BTW, your step-by-step suggestions were great, too. I thoroughly agree! It's all about the build-up, and avoiding the stigma of pressure to "finish"; just enjoy the good sensations and see where they take you...

Quirkyrebel​(sub female) • Nov 29, 2020

I don't know why this question is so hard to answer! Place fast-moving device on the tiny button that kinda looks like a gland between her folds... Make sure it stays there and the feeling just shows a liquid explosion! That's talking about how it works on me... lmao

Sorry to ruin the "I can't tell you that answers!"