(for submissives) Control in the bedroom vs out

OG Cupcake​{4everAlone} • Mar 8, 2021

thanks to everyone that shared their views here with me. i have taken a little from everyone and thought.

i must say Wycked Pixie​ i do understand that totally and that's where i struggle sometimes.

and SubtleHush​, that is a perfect description and i am learning it also depends on my Dominant and what we share together.

thank you ^hugs

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Mar 8, 2021

ElleFire​(sub female){Not lookin}

Like many others here, I am not at all what others might consider "submissive" in my life as far as the world is concerned, but for the One who matches me? It will be amazing.
...................
Nor should you be. Submission in an intimate relationship (i am NOT referring to just sex) is partner-appropriate. And should not invade your normal adult functioning. Anything you give away like candy without being asked is the quintessential meaning of "pearls before swine"

Bluebutterfly​(sub female)​{Havelock } • Mar 8, 2021

I am only submissive in the bedroom because that’s what suits us both. I’m assertive in everyday life out of necessity and I don’t live with my Dom so 24/7 would be hard. I’m also still married so the poly aspect throws in some spanner’s.
Before D/s I felt like I was flailing around. No boundaries. No sex drive. I was very restless inside and I couldn’t figure out why. I read a book and then many many more. They made me so desperate to try this exciting lifestyle out. 7 years later I am calmer, much more centered, I can laugh properly and I am much more confident in myself. Life makes more sense. I guess there was always this part of me squished down that just needed the right person to let her free. I’m not scared to ask for what I need when I need it. My Dom is happy for me to do so.
You always need to communicate freely and be flexible. What might be ok now may need to change in the future so if you are both agreeable try a bit of control outside the bedroom and if it feels wrong then go back to the control being only in the bedroom again. I would say suck it and see but that’s a different topic.

OG Cupcake​{4everAlone} • Mar 9, 2021

thank you Bluebutterfly​, i do understand those feelings you had before D/s, it's how i feel at times. and yes, i have learned or rather realized that communication is paramount.

I'mME • Mar 10, 2021

@SubtleHush,

Your words (the beautiful way they describe D/s or one of the many ways D/s could look) are written in a way that I could almost see it in my head ..

I'm sorry to read of your losing someone that you cared for.

ADIDAS • Apr 3, 2021

I'm in a LDR going on 3 years now this August. I absolutely adore MyDaddy and I would do anything to please him, in or out of the bedroom . I'm also with so many other subbies here that are saying a relationship is one thing but building trust is another animal all together. I feel, and this is just for me mind you, that building trust can only take time. And if you're in a relationship for more than getting your socks rocked, well then get buckled up buttercup. Building trust long distance with someone who may or may not know all your idiosyncrasies is NOT as easy as pie, lol.... especially when that subbie is me! I give MyDaddy HUGE HUGE props for sticking with me and working with me to build such a close, meaningful, rich, well rounded albeit long distance relationship, yet I DO feel like when we're together, he is right here with me body and soul. I know some people poo poo these kinds of relationships. I say they've never been with a good partner that is excellent at LDR. I'll even go farther by saying that most people just don't have the mental capacity to have a successful LDR, and that's ok. What rocks one's boat may not rock another's boat.

I'm sorry I digress, in our relationship, it's anywhere we are at the time. Or going to be later, like maybe an assignment that ties into what I'm doing after we go our own way after being together. IE; Say after a play date at home I'm going shopping. I get instructions to wear a specific plug, what to do and whether I can have a cummie or not, how many and when, where. Fun stuff, ?