red flags

Red Flags:

• Tries to separate you from your friends, family or BDSM community

• Avoids talking about personal details. Gets mad when you ask or quickly ends the conversation or answers questions with questions.

• Has no BDSM references or friends you can talk to. Gets angry when you ask for references or ask around about them.

• Is inconsistent with details about themselves. Does not give you their home and work phone number at the appropriate time.

• Only communicates with you at strange hours and gets mad if you try to contact them at other times.

• Criticizes the BDSM community and refuses to participate, especially if they never were part of it.

• Consistently breaks promises. Always finds excuses for not meeting.

• Always puts blame on others for things going wrong. Does not take personal responsibility.

• Has bad relationships with most or all of their family members.

• Pressures you into doing things you do not want to do. Does not respect your limits, negotiations or contracts.

• Pushes you into a D/s relationship too fast.

• Falls in love with you way too fast and swears undying love before even meeting you.

• Hides behind their D/s authority and says that their authority should not be questioned.

• Tries to make you feel guilty for not being good enough. Says that you are not a “True” sub.

• Loses control of their emotions in arguments and regresses to yelling, name-calling and blame.

• Puts you down in front of other people.

• Turns instantly on their friends, going from best friend to arch enemy at the drop of a hat.

• Treats you lovingly and respectfully one day and then harshly and accusingly the next.

• Goes to great lengths to get revenge on people.

• Lies or withholds information.

• Cheats on you or is overly jealous.

• Will not discuss what your possible future relationship could be like. Tries to keep you in the dark about what might happen next in the relationship.

• Does not respect your feelings, rights, or opinions. Belittles your ideas. Blames you for your hurt feelings.

• Abuses alcohol or other drugs.

• Is constantly asking for large amounts of money from you or others.

• Threatens suicide or other forms of self-harm.

• Deliberately saying or doing things that result in getting themselves seriously hurt.

• Monitors your communications (emails, phone calls, chats) with others.

• Only interacts with you in a kinky or sexual manner as if role-playing. Will not have normal everyday vanilla conversations.

• Never shows you their human side. Is emotionless. Hides their vulnerability behind their D/s role.

• Has multiple online identities for interacting with the same communities.

• Disappears from communication for days or weeks at a time without explanation.

• Is rude to public servants such as waitresses, cashiers and janitors.

• Never says thank you, excuse me or I am sorry to anyone.