Language b/w a Dom and sub

KissKali​(sub female) • Sep 3, 2021

Not being willing to hear what another person has to say is a sign of... well, immaturity. Or panic. Or a myriad of internal workings.

I have told partners to shut up. It happens when I get freaked out, frightened, usually as a result of being deeply misunderstood. Examples being when my partner sounds like a parent, judging me for x, y, z, without seeing the true essence of me and my motives. It's like being sentenced for a crime I haven't committed. I feel like an animal backed into a corner. I feel extremely disconnected to the person in that instant, and that is the last thing I want to feel.

Probably the way to soften these emotional charges would be to have a conversation about communication, at a quiet time (not an argument), a time when I can calmly be open and vulnerable enough to share what is happening in my panicked heart when arguments happen.

Sir Don​(dom male){Nt looking} • Sep 4, 2021

This is not a question that you should be asking for a unbiased opinion on.
What you are asking is for someone to take your side and say it is wrong. What prompted his action? Is this his normal behavior? To many other factors to give you what you are asking. Is public humiliation part of your kink? Perhaps communication between you and him needs to be more.. saying this here is shedding a dark light on him when it may not be appropriate.

Miki​(masochist female) • Sep 4, 2021

@ Sir Don--- She's just asking for comments. In all relationships there will be disagreements and of course of those a fair amount of arguing can be involved Should a sub hand a dom his ass in an argument? Not really, and same thing the other way around but this shit happens. All part of the fun experienced by the human animal--

The very best thing to do is to try and find a way to cool off before something is said that leads to deep regret, and above all that, so a loud argument does not turn into a physical altercation.

@Miki. I do understand what you are saying.

Sir Don​(dom male){Nt looking} • Sep 4, 2021

@ Miki
Asking for comments is asking for opinions and my opinion is what I stated. Communication is more important to keep things like this from happening

Miki​(masochist female) • Sep 4, 2021

What i was addressing is in the (truncated) quote:



She asked for comments. She got them. I was merely taking mild exception to the way you worded the post. She is not asking for anyone to take her side, or at least I did not see it that way. maybe I'm blind, or maybe I'l looking at this from a different angle.

I guess I prefer a more muted approach to the O P's post along with other posts while there are some on board who like to jump in and rip you (RHET) a new one off the bat.

Sir'smisty​(sub female) • Sep 4, 2021

For my brand of submission, as a good girl who is extremely sensitive to nuances even in silences, and defintely not a brat, those words would be crushing.
Not because of the actual words, but because of the power imbalance which is the. Ain part 0f my kink. It would indicate that I have gotten waaaayyyy off course, and that my internal balance is severely disturbed that I pushed Him that far without realizing it or caring.

It would signify a complete break-down of the relationship dynamics. The end.

Also, those words would make me doubt His ability to manage Himself, also not good for my particular style.

I absolutely accept others don't share these sentiments and I respect that.

Short answer: yes words, tone and context absolutely matter to me and more so in a D/s dynamic.

flitter'fly​(sub female) • Nov 19, 2021

I completely agree with what you wrote
Well said
Well said
And I will not be spoken to in that manner myself and have and will hand any man his ass if he treats me as such

To be mature enough to see the others prospective
To be mature enough to listen and even if they don't care for what you have to say
They wait calm and discuss the matter at hand makes for a DAMN FINE MAN
AND DOM

If once being spoke to in such a way or hollered at or belittled or made to feel small
I will flat out at that point

STOP BEING SUBMISSIVE AND PUT HIM IN HIS PLACE

because at that point
He himself stops being a Dom
And is just being an immature child
A boy a Insta Dom if you will

There is no growth there

If this makes me a bad sub
Or wrong
Then I would rather be wrong then to ever give anyone the power to treat me as such ever ever again in my life

Gift for a Gift
Respect comes from both involved

Hence why I have been forced to fight men and labeled a bratt

A REAL MAN
A REAL DOM
Knows how to speak to his sub and knows how to handle the situation accordingly
If not
He needs to take classes or learn NOT TO TREAT ANOTHER THE WAY HE HIMSELF DOES NOT WANT TO BE TREATED

Thank You
I needed this today.
FlitterFly