lasumisa wrote:
I ask because the idea of a nurturing, protective, caring Dom with that steely dominant core really appeals to me but being treated as a little doesn’t.
Does that make any sense?
As others, i too would say: "yes., all our relationships are individual and custom made and labels are a starting point, not an absolute defining point."
That said, not everyone is fluid in their definitions and ideas of what constitutes a "Dom, sub, little, etc. ad infinitum. i find there's generally two types of D/s people (actually, i think this applies to all people, not just D/s):
1) Those who have an idea or definition of what they think should be. A set of rules and regulations, so to speak, that they believe should be conformed to. I.e., the definition is more important than the persons feelings or thoughts. To me, it's a letter of the law approach.
2) Those who have an idea or definition of what they want/need, but they put their own thoughts, feelings, self, above the rules and regulations. To me, that is more a spirit of the law approach.
my read of what you describe is the latter approach. There are those in D/s (on both sides) who think D/s is a dictatorial relationship of superior and inferior, Others look at it as two equals coming from opposite sides, and as opposites, there is attraction and bonding.
i'm the latter kind of sub. i have a nature that wants to be controlled and submit, but as an individual in a compatible context. For instance, i'm a bottom sexually and that has some very specific meaning for me. i have been with Tops who's definition of Top/bottom is compatible with my own, and because of that compatibility, Their Domination and control works with my submissive nature. We just simply fit.
That's a simple example, and there are plethora needs and desires that each side has. my approach to D/s is to partner with a person who has as many compatible needs/desires as we can discover in communication. i think that entering a relationship without knowing those things is putting the cart before the horse, and i think that happens when a relationship is formed based on the number 1 approach mentioned above, based on the label vs the actual contents of the persons involved.