What is "Sane?"

Mental & emotional health

relevitydom​(dom male) • Apr 1, 2023

In the BDSM community, "sane" often refers to a person's mental and emotional state, as well as their ability to make informed decisions about their participation in BDSM activities. This means that both partners should be of sound mind and not under the influence of drugs or alcohol when engaging in BDSM activities. It also means that both partners should have a clear understanding of the risks and potential consequences of their actions and have given informed consent.

The concept of "sane" also applies to the dynamic between partners. A "sane" BDSM dynamic is one that is based on trust, communication, and mutual respect. This includes setting and respecting boundaries, being open about desires and limits, and checking in with each other regularly.

While "sane" primarily applies to in-person dynamics, it is also important to consider the mental and emotional health of those engaging in online BDSM interactions. It's crucial to ensure that both parties are of sound mind and able to give informed consent.

As for engaging outside of what one defines as "sane," it's important to recognize and address any behavior that could be harmful to oneself or others. This might involve seeking therapy or counseling to work through any underlying issues or trauma that may be influencing one's behavior. It could also involve taking a break from BDSM activities to focus on self-care and self-reflection. The key is to acknowledge any problematic behavior and take steps to address it in a healthy and constructive way.

Re: Mental & emotional health

MandatorySub • Apr 1, 2023

Well said. Just from my personal experiences in person especially - *informed* consent is the foundation of safety and trust.

quote="relevitydom"]In the BDSM community, "sane" often refers to a person's mental and emotional state, as well as their ability to make informed decisions about their participation in BDSM activities. This means that both partners should be of sound mind and not under the influence of drugs or alcohol when engaging in BDSM activities. It also means that both partners should have a clear understanding of the risks and potential consequences of their actions and have given informed consent.

The concept of "sane" also applies to the dynamic between partners. A "sane" BDSM dynamic is one that is based on trust, communication, and mutual respect. This includes setting and respecting boundaries, being open about desires and limits, and checking in with each other regularly.

While "sane" primarily applies to in-person dynamics, it is also important to consider the mental and emotional health of those engaging in online BDSM interactions. It's crucial to ensure that both parties are of sound mind and able to give informed consent.

As for engaging outside of what one defines as "sane," it's important to recognize and address any behavior that could be harmful to oneself or others. This might involve seeking therapy or counseling to work through any underlying issues or trauma that may be influencing one's behavior. It could also involve taking a break from BDSM activities to focus on self-care and self-reflection. The key is to acknowledge any problematic behavior and take steps to address it in a healthy and constructive way.[/quote]

Vhale​(sub female){Yes} • Apr 2, 2023

We use a more risk aware consensual kink or RACK method. I don't think anyone necessarily thinks of blood play as sane and honestly SSC never made sense to me. Because of this question exactly. I think as long as you know that everything comes with some risk and what those risks are your okay as long as everyone consents.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Apr 2, 2023

What if one person is not in a state of mind of physical state TO consent?

Everyone knows that drinking and driving is dangerous, but when you are drunk, some people drive anyways.

Everyone knows that having unprotected sex leads to the possibility of unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease, yet, when they are caught up in the heat of the moment, those safeguards get set aside.

That's what "sane" is talking about...the presence of mind in the moment.

How is "consent" able to be assured if the person is not "sane", in that moment?

It doesn't matter if consent was given prior. A woman could have consented to a date with someone but if she gets piss drunk and the guy takes her to a room to have sex, is the consent still valid? I say no, it is not.

Vhale​(sub female){Yes} • Apr 2, 2023

Except that things in bdsm are extremely negotiated. You are trying to instill rules on negotiated and thought out kink that apply really only to vanilla sex there's a lot of kinks that include not being 'sane' in the moment ie a lot of cnc offshoots however as long as they are negotiated properly and you work with a partner who you trust and respect then you can still do it with consent. I know a lot of people who have scenes where the girl is on a mild sedative or drunk because she wants to experience that and where she is extremely happy after would you say that because she wasn't 'sane' she didn't consent? Obviously people need to negotiate things and both parties should know exactly what the other wants and expects as well as how to handle if things do go wrong but that is just being risk aware. I'm glad SSC works for you but for a lot of people it doesn't and there's no shame in that which is why we have other things like RACK or PRICK

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Apr 2, 2023

"sane (adj.)
"of sound mind, mentally sound," 1721, a back-formation from insane or sanity or else from Latin sanus "sound, healthy," in its figurative or transferred use, "of sound mind, rational, sane," also, of style, "correct;" a word of uncertain origin."
https://www.etymonline.com/word/sane

As i see it, we define words, they do not define us. As such, their meaning often seems fluid and/or individual, which i think a lot of responses to this thread indicate. Also, it's easy to spot ego/ethnocentricity, especially when notions of morality (and attitudes of moral superiority) get tossed in (check out the thread on "monogamy" lol).

When it comes to 'healthy,' again just my individual life experience here, but i care for more unhealthy people related to diet than say, sex. i'm a critical care nurse with certification (from Cornell University) in reversing disease/process through diet. i can count on one hand the number patients i have ever had who were sick because of their sex life, the vast majority are sick from excessive dietary fat, sugar, salt, processed 'food'. Pizza, hamburgers and french fries, eggs, ice cream, (i.e., saturated fat, sugar and salt) clog the arteries and overwhelm organs with visceral fat and muscle cells intracellular fluid causing the epidemic of type two diabetes (aka "insulin resistance"). Most vascular disease, heart disease, stroke, kidney disease, dementia, are caused by what we eat (and don't eat).

Given the above, is it "sane" for us to have a pizza party? Or celebrate life with cake and ice cream lol?

From my perspective, we as humans are pleasure driven. Stuff like drugs, alcohol, sex often have social stigma attached to it. Food? Not so much, yet it's arguably the biggest factor affecting our health. Yet how many of us feel insane when we order prime rib?

Note: please do not infer tone, i'm not judging any of this, just adding it to the mix. i have a head full of knowledge and a computer full of evidence based studies to support this stuff, and i still love prime rib, and i had pizza for dinner last night. The alternative would be to go without the stuff that gives us pleasure... but would that be "sane?"

MandatorySub • Apr 8, 2023

When risk awareness is missing- it can definitely lead to phycological harm.

ursa​(sub female) • Apr 8, 2023

As everyone as pointed out here, "sane" can look different to different people. There are things I do while living my best life that looks "insane" to others, and vice versa.

I think the importance lies is in knowing yourself well enough to look at your own mental state and say, "Do I feel sound of mind in this moment?" We all get emotional, sad, angry - but knowing yourself well enough to go "I am not just sad in this moment, I am experiencing depression" or "I am not just feeling emotional right now, I am about to have a panic attack," or whatever your version of "insane" looks and feels like to you.

We all have a different baseline for what is a "sane" day for us. If we are going to practice SSC, I think we have to learn to recognize what our own insanity looks like so we can communicate to others that we are sound of mind enough to give sane, informed consent.