Time wasters?

Purĕ​(sub female) • Apr 21, 2023

Very True.
Thanks for pointing this out,
I forgot about it in my post.

I found this very disrespectful.

Heero​(dom male) • Apr 21, 2023

Thank you. For what it's worth, your first post was an empathetic one in my view. You spoke of your past experiences and acknowledged it sucks and then said move on. I agree with your post.

I just think assuming someone is guilty of something and ridiculing them when they try to explain something hurts them isn't a great approach. Just like venting publicly, it solves nothing--except if your goal is to potentially alienate some innocent person and discourage them from the lifestyle. And with this particular issue, I see that happens a lot.

And yes, I'm aware there are many creeps out there that do deserve to be blocked and ghosted.

But due process is a thing, right? Innocent till proven guilty? No?

Re: Time wasters?

SassyinCali​(sub female) • Apr 22, 2023

To answer your question, yes. Many of us have dealt with ghosting. I assme everyone has their reasons. I do not initiate contact. So, when someone initiates contact and we chat for consecutive days or even weeks and they abruptly stop responding, it is frustrating. I have had it happen after chatting for months as well. That is more concerning to me, as I am worried about them as well as annoyed. But it does happen. I figure it is an immaturity and or an inconsiderate nature that would have shown up later and been an issue anyway.

Solace​(dom male) • Apr 22, 2023

As usual I find Heero's voice the most accurate and logical. Thank you for speaking Sir.

To the OP, I empathize like many of us do. Its an issue on any dating platform, and your post is not the first to breach these forums on this subject. For men though when we say things that can be construed as a complaint, I believe you find that both men and women do not typically react favorably to such words. An underlying expectation for men is that we do not complain we solve problems. For example if your post was an outreach to the community about how to limit ghosting...even thought topic may not have been fruitful you might find yourself with a favorable community response. I am not saying that men are not allowed to vent, any one of us Dominants would likely commiserate with you like we would over beers at a bar if we had a private conversation. I am saying however that doing it in public on a website where anyone can review your past posts is not typically in your favor.

javtwk​(sub male) • Apr 23, 2023

I agree that it is tiring to set up conversations that are suddenly cut off. It is an investment of your time and energy that goes to waste and it is exhausting to have to start all over again. I think it's normal that we get distracted by day-to-day tasks, and we forget that we are connecting with other people and it affects them too. I think it´s quite disrespectful to play with the other person's time and expectations in this way.

I have not had much luck meeting people with similar interests, do you have any advice? How can I establish relationships through this website in a more effective way?

PrinceMatcha​(sub trans man) • Apr 23, 2023

I’ve had this happen lots! Like, they’ll ask me questions I’ve already included in my bio and stuff. It’s also annoying when they suddenly don’t match your energy or they move way too fast.

Heero​(dom male) • Apr 23, 2023

In this, and many other ways, I think sub males have it particularly hard. (Yes, something is hard for everyone, I'm just making a statement about sub males, not pitting groups against each other or comparing trials--apologies. You can imagine how many things I've had to say this week that I thought went without saying).

I have thoughts on things I generally see sub males doing "wrong". I do not know if you are "guilty" of any of these. And in any case, this is perhaps not the place to get into it. You may message me privately if you wish, and we can talk.

There are also posts in the magazine here in finding partners (like this, for example: https://thecage.co/magazine,138.html). You can familiarize yourself with those also.

Heero​(dom male) • Apr 23, 2023

Yes, this definitely happens.

At this point, provided you're somewhat interested, you can tell them to slow down. It's also not impolite to direct someone to your profile. If you're not interested, or they seem unwilling to listen to you, then you tell them you're no longer interested and wish them well. Then you may block them if you wish.

You don't even have to say much or overthink it. Just "Sorry, but I'm no longer interested in engaging. All the best."

IF you want, you can include a reason. "You kept moving too fast, I need someone who can match my pace and where I'm at." It may help them to be more attentive to who they correspond with in the future. If not, that's on them.

I know, it's somewhat inconvenient. But the point is, there's another human being on the other end. Golden rule and all that.

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Apr 23, 2023

Chiming in on the subject of time wasters, I had a guy contact me a few days ago who said he doesn't read profiles at all. He just cruises around chatting to people to get to know them. He got irate when I told him he was wasting my time. I didn't write my profile so it could be ignored. He said I wasn't a real slave or polite and started calling me names when I told him I didn't owe him any politeness considering he just jumped into my inbox expecting me to take the time to explain things I had already included in my profile. Such a waste of time.

javtwk​(sub male) • Apr 23, 2023

I think you gave a very good answer. Creating a profile is writing a cover letter to introduce yourself to other users, and completing it and expressing what you want to describe requires an effort. I like the idea of getting to know people in a more spontaneous way without having prior information (like in person), but I think in this context it makes sense. I agree that you wrote it for a reason and would like it to be taken into account. I think it also has merit that you stood up for yourself so strongly, I would be a bit shocked for his reaction.

It's great to see your message