Physical attraction

lambsone • Jan 15, 2025

Yes physical attraction is important to me. But my thoughts of physical attraction are different than another person's. We each have our tolerance levels.

When I envision a partner, I always ask myself if I could live with the way they look when we are in our most intimate position we can be in. Would I feel comfortable with the way they look.

That usually determines if the relationship can continue in a non-conflicted way in my mind and heart.

I'm discovering that I'm pretty tolerant of a wide range of looks and rarely have to tell someone that I'm not attracted to them.

It has happened but I find that honesty is the best policy rather than trying to sustain a fake attraction in order not to hurt their feelings.

And I also know that if I'm not attracted to them, someone else will be. So I don't think anyone should take it personally when someone you are attracted to doesn't see you as their "cup of tea".

And there are different types of attractiveness. You may not be attracted to them physically but their personality or how they treat others wins your heart instead.

JaredMayer​(dom male) • Jan 15, 2025

None of the relationships I've had started with physical attraction. I wasn't repulsed by them or anything, I just didn't feel any particular draw to them physically. It wasn't until we'd spent some time talking and moving in that direction that I started appreciating their bodies. And I wouldn't describe myself as demisexual either, as there are plenty of people who do stir physical attraction in me on first glance.

I think this concept that people must feel an initial physical attraction before anything else is at best false and at worst a toxic narrative that has helped create the loneliness epidemic.

Cello Trance​{for You} • Jan 15, 2025

I think I’m a little different with this. As a Hypno Dom, I need to have that deep spiritual connection. Without it, there is nothing. To me that is the most important thing. Especially when I have a connection with someone that is long distance and it’s over the phone with my voice, I need to have that spiritual, mental, emotional connection

But also, when I am with someone physically, it’s still the most important thing for me . A person‘s beauty radiates from the inside, not the outside

Again, I am probably a little different with this, and I know that

mysterysoul​(masochist female) • Jan 15, 2025

No shallow hal movie so your good.

You have a right to your own terms.

You just want the same in return but at some point, the exchange of photos even if it's a smile does work they can glair some of the faces if the connection grows then can be more. I know that some photos may permit some, but you can try to work with them to get them to soft comfort points as some have not been on seeking a bit for some time. Everyone is a work in progress and perfect does not exist pigs do not fly yet.  
People can be shy at first til they break out of the shell.

rsparks​(sub female) • Jan 16, 2025

I am sorry to say this and admit it, but physical attraction is important to me in some aspects. There are certain parts of a person that I like, like their eyes, their hair, facial hair. I once made someone angry because I told them if they couldn't grow facial hair it wasn't going to work out and they stopped talking to me because their hair came in "patchy". I think that we all like what we like, and that's just how it is. Everyone likes different things.

That being said, I have lost a lot of weight in over a year. I went from 187 pounds to 105 pounds. Back when I wouldn't have anyone look at me twice because I was too big, I have now gone to tiny and being told I need to gain more weight. There is no happy medium here because, again, everyone likes what they like, and I fully believe that what matters the most is that you are happy with yourself. If you are happy with your own appearance, then maybe one day you will meet someone who is happy with you, and if you don't, then they aren't right for you.

I do actually look for other things first. A personality, experience, intelligence, the ability to articulate clearly. The ability to communicate, to laugh, to look at the positive instead of the negative. I don't like complaining, I don't like fighting, and I am very shy, quiet and laid back.

It's also important to me that said person doesn't do drugs, but I don't care if they work out or not, or even if they have a few extra pounds. As I said before, though, there are certain things that are very important to me, so yes, in short, I do believe physical attraction is important. That being said, I am far more interested in what is in the mind than what is on the outside.

Corellian​(dom male) • Jan 16, 2025

Thanks for putting this conversation out there PandaGirl!

I feel that how you look is part of your identity, and the narrative that looks don't matter is ridiculous. To want to see a picture is a normal expectation not a shallow one. And that goes both ways.

fluffypoppet​(sub female)​{Protected} • Jan 17, 2025

Physical attraction is literally NEVER the first thing that draws me to someone.

I'm demisexual, sapiosexual, and deeply submissive.

Aesthetic attraction just doesn't rank as highly for me as other types of attraction.

For example:
- Jason Mamoa is hot.
- He exudes a kind of primal energy I like.
BUT, put me in a room with him, and I wouldn't know what to do with him. I'd be skittish... because without an emotional connection or intellectual connection... it wouldn't be enough.

Beauty fades. Other qualities will draw me before looks.

MountaintopMaster • Jan 17, 2025

Plain and simple, I am a highly visual male. I have worked on making sure that I'm not "shallow" about it, and I am absolutely aware that beauty is only skin deep. (I'm also very aware that I'm not George Clooney or Bruce Willis, either!)

Having said that, it was a lot worse when I was younger. I know that there is such a thing as "gaydar"; and I think I had the hetero male version; in grade school I used to just walk into any room and instantly rank every girl from "hottest" to "ugly". (I was the loner & outcast, I never talked to a single one of those girls, anywhere on the scale, lol.)

Nowadays, and especially after the invention of the internet and digital communication, I can absolutely build a strong connection and bond without seeing a face or body. It truly doesn't matter what you look like, especially on the internet; if we're communicating in written and verbal form most of the time, then I can make lifelong friends, partners, etc. Then, if we met in person, I'd probably think you're "pretty enough" no matter what you look like, but I'm not entirely sure about that because I haven't tested the theory very much. Honestly, if it's 100% online, I don't know if that really counts?

IRL, I would say that physical attraction doesn't necessarily come first, but it's definitely a key component in both the act of falling totally in love, AND the sustainability of that passion.

All in all, nobody should over-think this too much. There are 8 billion people on the planet; there's going to be at least one billion people "within range" of wherever you fall on "the scale of attractive".

That Berry Lover​(sub female) • Jan 17, 2025

The thought of physical attraction can be intimidating because we are taught to be shallow about it. Physical attraction is such a personal experience -what is attractive to one person is not necessarily attractive to another. The qualities that a person is attracted to are influenced by upbringing, life experiences and culture.

We use our appearance, especially clothing, to signal messages such as social class, values, interests, and cultural or religious affiliation, but we can fall into the trap of making false assumptions about a person based on their appearance.

Physical attraction is important and there is nothing wrong with being attracted to a specific type of person but it's also nice to interrogate why one is attracted to the qualities that they are attracted to.

None of the Doms that I have been with this past year have been people who I would date in person and it's not because I think that they are not attractive, but because their appearance would bring up preconceived ideas about people who look like them, if I met them in real life, whether it is being intimidated, not running in the same social circles or because of prejudiced ideas that I hold. However, the experience of getting to know people beyond their appearance has been incredibly rewarding and eye-opening for me. I know that they probably would not date me either in person and that is okay.

As a plus-sized woman, I used to think that I was not allowed to have preferences or that physical attraction was shallow but now I realise that physical appearance is the first indicator of a person's personality. However, physical appearance needs to be backed up by a good personality. It doesn't mean that I am looking for a Taye Diggs or a Javier Bardem, but there are indicators that I am looking for that are incredibly attractive to me, but they may not be conventional.

Re: Physical attraction

PandaGirl​(sub female) • Jan 18, 2025

That is very kind of you to say. I do not believe that I am what one would call a beauty based on traditional standards. I’m pleasing to the eye, my smile lights up my face. My eyes are the windows to my soul.