Is it probable

DrWakko • Jun 1, 2019

@ husband of lilmeme: I think you are looking at Dominant wrong. The control and power is in you. You say you babied her. Maybe you are a Daddy Dom. I describe a Daddy Dom as someone who is loving and caring yet strict and firm.

How you handle yourself in your relationship is in you. There are a ton of relationship dynamics. Find one that fits you or find several that work for you and your relationship and combine them into something that is your own.

There is no black and white when it comes to a D/s relationship. It’s all about the people in the relationship and what you want out of it.

Sit down and talk and find out what you want out of the relationship. Think of a relationship like a sandbox. What you want in a relationship is in the box. What you are comfortable with is on the edge of the box and everything you don’t want is on the grass.

Lossofalme • Jun 1, 2019

I think DrWakko has touched on a really important point (and one that can be hard to see when you're feeling overwhelmed by all those websites!). Basically that there is no "one true way" to be yourself and BDSM is just another set of tools for being yourself. You can be Dominant without ever touching a flogger, you can be submissive without ever kneeling. How your relationship works is entirely up to you and to your partner and it's going to change over the years. You're building your marriage, not trying to check every box on an online D/s checklist.

I'm glad you're both talking, and reaching out. That's REALLY important for any relationship. It actually sounds like the two of you have a lot on common with my husband and I. We've been married over twenty years, we have several children, we've been thrown off balance by some serious medical conditions (a spinal/nerve injury meant my husband could no longer work outside the home due to disability and chronic pain, leading to major depression on his part and panic attacks/anxiety on mine), and we've been struggling to find a way to keep the D/s aspect of our marriage through all these changes.

There are website/forums that focus only on D/s within the framework of marriage (not necessarily "taken in hand" style marriages, just any marriage where the participants are interested in or practicing elements of BDSM). I'd be happy to chat more if you want to message me.... I know that having other married subs to talk with has been important for me, and that having other married Doms to bounce ideas off of has been INCREDIBLY important for my husband. Honestly, sometimes I think it's more important for those husband Doms to see that they're not alone, that there are all sorts of ways to "do D/s" in a marriage, and that they (and their wives) are normal!

lilmeme​(sub female){Not collar} • Jun 1, 2019

Most definitely. I don't have an account on here but she can tell you how to reach me. Kik Facebook or what ever. I'm gonna give it back to her tho. It was a pleasure talking with u guys and thanks for hearing vent a little.