Advice

NCarraway(dom male)

5 years ago • Jul 30, 2019

miss waiting,

I do my best not to judge other people. Bad people can make bad choices and good people can make bad choices. I can pass judgement on the choice.

I agree with the tenets that Soulweaver has outlined above and that these are necessarily missing from your current dynamic. Early on I myself had a brief D/s interaction with a married woman whose partner was in the dark. Her situation was very sad and I was compassionate for her scenario but i found it difficult to process it all in my mind. Certainly, I was not at the point then where I understood how critical honesty was to the dynamic. Now I have far more experience and I understand that that situation could never have been a 'good' D/s relationship: honesty, communication, consent and trust need to be at the centre. Faced with the same situation I would not get involved in that way again.

At the time there was one clear, selfish, thought that made me understand that I could not pursue that relationship. For me it is important that I am the one man that she thinks about, and that cannot happen if she is in any kind of 'other' relationship. I presume that may be very important to you too.

I also agree that if this man has been unfaithful (to her) with you then there is a low barrier to him being unfaithful again in the future. You do not want such a relationship or that uncertainty in your life.

Be grateful for your experiences, take your learning, be brave and say goodbye. You deserve better and better you shall have.

How does that song go? 'Close your eyes, clear your heart ... and cut the cord'

My best wishes to you.

Carraway

Soulweaver(dom male)

5 years ago • Jul 30, 2019

@Bunnie

Thank you for sharing that, I can sense the impact this had on you and I can also sense that this still affects you yet today.

However, Bunnie do not accept blame for more than your share. Yes, it takes two to tango as they say, but it was never your responsibility to ensure his wife was aware. I have been down that cheating road long ago myself and in my experience it never ends well, for anyone involved. But, I am a firm believer in trying to see the lessons in everything we experience in life and speaking only for myself, I learned a great deal from my experience. As I sense you did as well. I only wish that the lessons we collectively learned could be shared in a deeper sense, than simply expressing them. Alas, life does not work that way and the best lesson is the hard lesson! Again thank you for sharing your experience.

Also, sorry for hijacking the thread, I felt it important to comment directly to bunnie. But, now I return you to your regularly scheduled programming. 😜😜

Bunnie

5 years ago • Jul 30, 2019

@ Soulweaver,

Thank you

“But, I am a firm believer in trying to see the lessons in everything we experience in life and speaking only for myself, I learned a great deal from my experience. As I sense you did as well. I only wish that the lessons we collectively learned could be shared in a deeper sense, than simply expressing them. Alas, life does not work that way and the best lesson is the hard lesson!”

Well said, I completely agree.

... and back to regularly scheduled programming too lol...

Patiently waiting(sub female){WolfeHamme}	Patiently waiting(sub female){WolfeHamme} 5 years ago • Jul 30, 2019 5 years ago • Jul 30, 2019 Patiently waiting(sub female){WolfeHamme} • Jul 30, 2019 Looks like I have a long road ahead of me. Wish me strength.

AKittenforSir(sub female){JohnBond}

5 years ago • Jul 30, 2019

Good luck! You have a whole bunch of people here, including myself, who will offer support and an ear for venting or advice when needed. Just remember your self worth and that you should be your Dom’s priority, always. It won’t be easy but it’ll be worth it.

Fyglia Wicked(dom female)

5 years ago • Jul 30, 2019

Patiently waiting wrote:

I need brutally honest. I dont beat around the bush in anything I do. Thank you!

Youre welcome.

Something that needs to be addressed for you're own safety is if you and him were together in a situation and an emergency resulted would he think twice about getting you the help you needed or would he waste time thinking about himself and his wife finding out?
It's easy to be a Dom what they pick and chose what being a Dom is .

Patiently waiting(sub female){WolfeHamme}	Patiently waiting(sub female){WolfeHamme} 5 years ago • Jul 30, 2019 5 years ago • Jul 30, 2019 Patiently waiting(sub female){WolfeHamme} • Jul 30, 2019 He just said ok. Like it was no big deal. I'm sure it will sink in later, for me anyways.

MasterBear(other butch)	MasterBear(other butch) 5 years ago • Jul 31, 2019 5 years ago • Jul 31, 2019 MasterBear(other butch) • Jul 31, 2019 He just said ok. To what ? Are you ok?

AKittenforSir(sub female){JohnBond}

5 years ago • Jul 31, 2019

Patiently waiting wrote:

He just said ok. Like it was no big deal. I'm sure it will sink in later, for me anyways.

You mentioned before that you called it off once and went back. Maybe he just assumes you'll do that again?

I'm glad it was a clean break but I'm sure your feelings are hurt by his blatant disregard. My heart aches for you. This just reaffirms that you deserve better though.

Patiently waiting(sub female){WolfeHamme}	Patiently waiting(sub female){WolfeHamme} 5 years ago • Jul 31, 2019 5 years ago • Jul 31, 2019 Patiently waiting(sub female){WolfeHamme} • Jul 31, 2019 I told him we had to end things. And I'm fine. I'm digging more into what I want and what being a sub actually means. And what a true Dom is, as well. I love this site!