Should the Dom Approach or should the Sub

tallslenderguy​(other male) • May 8, 2020

i was at work typing on my phone during a break and feel like i rushed my post. Not sure it that is just a "feeling" on my part, but there may be spaces to fill in.

i think hard and fast rules often don't fit reality. Some try to make it fit, alter reality. i believe part of the challenge is discerning between growth and breaking. In the context of this question, i think it depends on the situation and the individuals involved, as to who should approach who.

Lots of us, maybe most of us?, are here to connect, so someone has to make a move, but i think that "move" is a personal decision that may have infinite variations? i used to respond to anyone who contacted me, even those who i felt or thought that person hadn't written anything to respond to. i'd argue with myself that maybe that was my perception, maybe there was buried treasure, etc. Over time though, my experience was more often than not, those contacts where i had to do all the writing, self disclosure and digging for clues about who that person was, were one sided.

i believe in balance. i think nature teaches us that health, homeostasis, is balance. i do not think it matters who initiates contact. i think what matters is there is balance of contribution to the relationship (not sure that's the best way to put that?). i'm convinced that what is at the root of D/s, is that opposites naturally attract and bond. But we are people, not simple positive and negative charged ions (and even ions are not so simple...enter covalent and ionic bonds... okay, i'm nerdy). my point is, as people, process of bonding is complex, but worth it when it happens. i think some of it is magic and some of it is hard work, but i most of it requires communication and the most successful, balanced communication.

i have seen both "Dom's" and "subs" use their definition of the label as an excuse, either because they don't know what to do and are afraid to admit it, or they don't want to learn how to communicate. Nothing turns me off faster than a profile that has nothing in it than: "if you want to something, just ask, I'm and open book." No, lol, that's not an "open book," that's a blank book. i believe a profile, or an note to someone, should be a preface that will give that person a taste of the book, a reason to read on or put it back on the shelf.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • May 8, 2020

Sorry for all the typos and lack of editing in my posts tonight friends. i just finished 6 13 hour shifts and am bleary, but (obviously) wanted to jump in.