Policing inappropriate messages

DomJayy​(dom male) • Nov 11, 2020

Not about being smart enough or being a sub / Dom

And maybe because Doms tend to hear a lot about what a sub receives which is why I suggested something

Disappointed you read it this way

Miki​(masochist female) • Nov 11, 2020

Indeed it is, Idaho Dude... But I don't recall if I did the "introduce me" thing when I signed up almost 2 years ago and still, the "who's online" thing is where the doms hover and swoop down, some of them OK guys, others are plugged crappers waiting to be flushed so they can spew their goods on unsuspecting shoes.

EDIT a post popped up as I wrote this originally: Very good point, Jay Jay the (non) Jet Plane.. (No offense, I tend to get into giggle fits and nicknames pop into my mind unbidden--- it's a "witty Asian girl" thing) ) I know I have shared my best masochist sessions in here, after someone asks and, well, doms are humans. and well, all humans are primates. Some let that show more than others.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Nov 11, 2020

Fuck off.

The title is not good communication. And it results in exactly responses like I'm giving now. It's to set an example. The very title of the thread is... threatening. Your fear for safety is violating space. Your fear for bad communication violates people being direct and rough around the edges so they don't EXPLODE.

So, yea. I say it again. Fuck off. Because if you don't, if you invade that personal space, if you go "That's right. This is wrong. Because "I'm the police" then it's going to piss people off. There's a reason people have a gripe with the law and rules. You can't win that way.

So if not that way then what way? How can you always win when things get tense? You can. But NOT like this. Not with THESE implications.

You have to TALK. You have to LISTEN. You have to UNDERSTAND. Even if you DON'T find what the other person says as "appropriate". People that are "rough", they might toss out an insult here and there. Maybe at you. But people like that are often more HONEST. Will ALWAYS tell you the truth. And value choice even if it costs them. Even to the point of their own well being at times. Because that's how much they'll value it.

Unlike someone that goes "This is right. That is wrong. I decide and you're going to feel oppressed".

It's been a long day. I've been mulling over choice and how Batman and Joker value it even to the point they'll put themselves in danger. They're enemies. But they share the same belief. And in that I respect them both. Same logic applies in life. To never make blank carpet statements. To find out "why". To challenge each other even if the other person doesn't want to hear it.

It's not about "appropriate". It's about "implications that can lead to assumptions". I left Fetlife for a reason. Where the mods breath down your neck at every corner, making you feel oppressed, shutting down your voice, like any scary opinion is "wrong" and "not to be discussed". That's why I left that fucking site. It's why I feel SAFER here. Why others can TALK to me. Why people find happiness in things that once scared them. I respect this site for doing that. To not go "That's wrong so not talking about it". Fetlife mods can be so... let's face it. Their fear consumes them and it causes more harm then good. Pathetic mental health rule there is an excuse to go "We're doing harm and it's on you" but that isn't true. THEY are CAUSING that harm at times. And won't ADMIT it. UGH! You see the problem. Please don't end up like that.

Whatever happens, WHATEVER happens, keep communicating. Keep talking. Keep finding answers. And don't ever lose sight of responsibility. Even if you don't approve of each other. But COEXIST. That's enough. Leave it at that. And what YOU find "offensive" is likely my "Hey, I love that direct and forward lewd interaction". Coddling and stalling wastes time. Be upfront. Be direct. Tell me so I know. I am not a mind reader. Give me attention. But give me something back in return too. Let THEM work it out.