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Female Dominant's...Where are You?

Kuro Hasuto​(sub male)
3 years ago • Nov 8, 2021
Kuro Hasuto​(sub male) • Nov 8, 2021
Fair do's. Sloth is a fairly major sin of mine. Perhaps I should have read a little more.

I just think there's more milage in the conversation, perhaps 😉
Steellover​(sub male)
3 years ago • Nov 9, 2021
Steellover​(sub male) • Nov 9, 2021
Knightsundere wrote:
Hi, four year veteran of trying to find dommes online (I'm switching to irl only once I move and settle down in a month).

There are plenty of dommes. Just way too many horny men, and as it turns out, when one party is actively hunting in every nook and cranny of the internet to find women to send messages to, the other just decides it's not worth the effort. If you're reading this hoping to catch word of a secret in-track for dommes in a hidden forum with an exotic password to get in - doesn't exist. I know there are exceptions, but for 98% of you/us, online just doesn't happen.....
.


This is why I long since gave up trying to find a domme online.

I think, my experience is similar to that of a lot of male submissives: One day, we discover our inner kinks and it awakens something in us, a powerful need to experience these fantasies in real life and explore them with a real person. It becomes like a powerful and insatiable hunger. So, like many a newbie, we try the online kink dating sites, and I am speaking for myself when I say that when I first undertook this journey, I was probably the kind of "pest" that sent a lot of annoying PM's to dommes looking for contact, only to have them roll their eyes when they read them. But I learned better. Eventually, most of us learn that this isn't exactly very effective (other than it's effective at annoying the few women who are on the online sites) Instead, I gained a lot of useful and insightful knowledge about the lifestyle, and human sexuality in general. I feel like am still learning even though I've been in touch with my kinky sub side for 20 years.

But also, many of us learn the unfortunate truth that seeking a dominant woman online just isn't very effective, no matter what your approach is: Whether it's the "clueless and desperate horny newb" or "sophisticated and sincerely seeking" approach. For all the reasons listed above, and more. I sense the cynicism , and perhaps even a little bitterness from the quoted person above, but I understand his point. I do not necessarily believe "there is a dominant woman for every sub male." Where I live, the kink community is pretty small and exclusive, and even then it is focused mainly on the maledom/female sub dynamic. I suspect this is probably the reality for most people, unless you live in a large metropolitan area with somewhat more liberalized attitudes toward sex and relationships.

So, while the fantasy may live on inside of us, most of us in our situation eventually seek the warmth and companionship of a vanilla partner, and leave the prospect of finding a "fantasy domme" to the realm of fantasy.

Apologize for long post.
eneemis​(sub male)
2 years ago • Nov 28, 2021
eneemis​(sub male) • Nov 28, 2021
Of someone of you, dear Miss, wanna start something with me ... i'm ready icon_biggrin.gif
Valore
2 years ago • Jan 19, 2022
Valore • Jan 19, 2022
Thotsferatu wrote:
Jim -

A Dom/sub relationship is really not all that fundamentally different from any plainclothes/vanilla relationship you’ve ever seen, it just has different terms. Have you ever just run up to people and said, “I really need to have friends right now!” or up to your preferred gender and said, “I really want a girlfriend, what do I do?” Probably not.

Before you learn to run, you first have to crawl, then stand, then walk. In other words, you need to get to know people within a community. Be yourself around them, make friends, allow them to become comfortable around you. That’s how pretty much any relationship is forged and a D/s relationship is no different.

If you’re looking for something instantaneous, there’s always pro Dommes, but beyond that — it’s going to take time and effort.


Loving this response.
Regardless of the assumed fact that Jim may or may not actually need this advice...

It is definitely a wonder excerpt. Albeit, many dynamics etc are as different and varied as stars in the sky, but it is very hard to understand this very concept exists in the lifestyle of you are very new. Many think of the bdsm lifestyle and scene as some manifestation of various movie portrayals...and the likelihood is there of course, but very small. Most of the time... if not all... we are just people.