Knightsundere wrote:
Hi, four year veteran of trying to find dommes online (I'm switching to irl only once I move and settle down in a month).
There are plenty of dommes. Just way too many horny men, and as it turns out, when one party is actively hunting in every nook and cranny of the internet to find women to send messages to, the other just decides it's not worth the effort. If you're reading this hoping to catch word of a secret in-track for dommes in a hidden forum with an exotic password to get in - doesn't exist. I know there are exceptions, but for 98% of you/us, online just doesn't happen.....
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This is why I long since gave up trying to find a domme online.
I think, my experience is similar to that of a lot of male submissives: One day, we discover our inner kinks and it awakens something in us, a powerful need to experience these fantasies in real life and explore them with a real person. It becomes like a powerful and insatiable hunger. So, like many a newbie, we try the online kink dating sites, and I am speaking for myself when I say that when I first undertook this journey, I was probably the kind of "pest" that sent a lot of annoying PM's to dommes looking for contact, only to have them roll their eyes when they read them. But I learned better. Eventually, most of us learn that this isn't exactly very effective (other than it's effective at annoying the few women who are on the online sites) Instead, I gained a lot of useful and insightful knowledge about the lifestyle, and human sexuality in general. I feel like am still learning even though I've been in touch with my kinky sub side for 20 years.
But also, many of us learn the unfortunate truth that seeking a dominant woman online just isn't very effective, no matter what your approach is: Whether it's the "clueless and desperate horny newb" or "sophisticated and sincerely seeking" approach. For all the reasons listed above, and more. I sense the cynicism , and perhaps even a little bitterness from the quoted person above, but I understand his point. I do not necessarily believe "there is a dominant woman for every sub male." Where I live, the kink community is pretty small and exclusive, and even then it is focused mainly on the maledom/female sub dynamic. I suspect this is probably the reality for most people, unless you live in a large metropolitan area with somewhat more liberalized attitudes toward sex and relationships.
So, while the fantasy may live on inside of us, most of us in our situation eventually seek the warmth and companionship of a vanilla partner, and leave the prospect of finding a "fantasy domme" to the realm of fantasy.
Apologize for long post.