Differences between kink and lifestyle

LordofPain56 • Mar 22, 2021

Still not always sure what people in the BDSM community mean by "lifestyle". Everyone has a lifestyle, right?
For example, I am a work-and-home type person, don't care much for travelling, any type of extreme sports, don't watch much TV, spend lots of time outside or in the garage working on something or trimming the yard, am a devout Christian and staunchly conservative politically. I would think most people would think that is one boring lifestyle.
I have some character traits ingrained in me at birth. I am an alpha type, a Dominant, in control of my life, careful planner, logical, mostly practical, honest, loyal, trustworthy, responsible person who happens to be sadistic. A few of those character traits are associated with BDSM, but I do not associate them with lifestyle.
They could be, I suppose if I were one who spent all my time going to munches and play parties, but I never had a desire for it.
For the most part, kink and lifestyle are completely separate things to me. Maybe not for everyone.

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dom daddie​(dom male) • Apr 8, 2021

I think kinky is when your in the mood not all the time and lifestyle is more it's like 24/7

Taramafor​(sub male) • Apr 8, 2021

While most people do need to think of themselves more (and get their head out of their own ass for that matter) I argue the hardest part is convincing others once you've managed to find all the pieces of yourself. It's hard enough in your own mind. Now imagine trying to inform someone that isn't a mind reader. And of course, no one is.

Now imagine when someone has every concern under the sun and says they don't want to treat you in a sub manner. When it's everything you are. Which they might not yet understand.

Now imagine convincing that person to do exactly that. Even after they were being indifferent and needed to be talked into it. Yet has the end result of making each other happy and having no more doubts. The key is in the honesty of the communication. Which leads to honesty of doing activities and finding out they're more fun then people previously thought.

You once mentioned chess. There's certain moves that I've got pre-planned for key situations. For example let's say someone contradicted themselves. Doing what they just complained about. There's "asking" ways of pointing it out. Which can get people to think. It's actually quite amusing how someone talking down on me can see me as comical and an enigma before we make each other happy with the hypocrisy and judgement being stopped completely with just a simple question. Asking. It's not hard. So why don't do more people it instead of judging?

Provided the other person at least considers your viewpoint then things tend to go better from there. It's those that refuse to even do that that can't be trusted. Because they're being close minded, and thus don't consider the possibility. Which is blindness. And violating awareness.

Thing is some people can assume you're trying to play a game when you're actually thinking of safety and sanity. And yet it's those that play that will change your life. Is "straight answers and honesty" too much to expect from some people? Seems so. Those that can answer aren't afraid of the truth.

Basically, people that can't give you a straight answer put both lifestyle and kink in danger. I'm sure we've all been in those unpleasant situations. But as long as someone can answer your questions then you're taking each other into consideration. And that's how it all begins.