Old School Protocols

TheAnt​(dom male) • Apr 20, 2021

In response to those users talking about having to serve as a submissive for a year before you could Dom as a tradition of the Old Guard. This was certainly NOT the case with the group I belonged to. There was no submissive training of the Dom before a person could Dom. Maybe it happened in other groups in other cities, but not where I was mentored.
There were other things I was required to know and required to understand (not necessarily the same thing) about BDSM before they bestowed my vest and allowed me to consider taking on a submissive of my own. I spoke with submissives that were not paired into a dynamic and I spoke with a lot of Dominants (and a couple of Dommes) about tradition, policies, safety, safewords and such. Recommendations were given without my knowledge or request which led me to last barrier (if you will) to being considered a Dom.
Perhaps the most frightening and one of the most nerve racking was what I would call a cross-examination and demonstration of skills in order to prove that I was ready. The details are not privy to others as it was my final hurdle and those are best kept close to the heart. While I never swore a secrecy, like I did with my Fraternity, I did consider the whole mentorship and the ritualization of the process as deeply personal and as such, a public forum is not the place to share.
-DA

Sammy45​(sub female) • Apr 20, 2021

Thank you all so much for taking the time to share and post it’s truly appreciate

My own personal experiences 24 yrs ago was very different in Ireland

Protocols and rituals were apart of daily living

How you interacted with those in the lifestyle was very different to now


How you spoke to other and addressed them
How you behaved at dinner , standing , speaking , when to eat , dominant choosing and ordering your food
How you walked
Opening doors
Punishment was punishment seen as shameful not funishment
Bratting wasn’t accepted
Collaring was a sign of long term commitment

Zedland​(dom male) • Apr 20, 2021

@Miki. Its expecting a dog to be aloof and hygienic and the cat to fetch your slippers.

MrFulmen • Apr 20, 2021

Pretty much everyone has listened to oldsters going on about how everything was respectful and structured and well-mannered back in their day. I don't just mean kink oldsters; I mean all oldsters. The phenomenon of the "mythical golden age of forty years ago" is thoroughly documented all the way back to Plato complaining about flute music corrupting the youth.

Yet still in every generation people convince themselves that it's a real thing.

Sammy45​(sub female) • Apr 20, 2021

Very true indeed

Bunnie • Apr 20, 2021

So often is forgotten the European historical aspect of BDSM. Perhaps because it was seen more as having an S/m foundation? Who knows but it always stumps me as to why it’s so blindly ignored. Marquis de Sade was writing about S&m long before gay men were donning leathers. Yes, Leather has a very vibrant history in America in relation to BDSM, yet it isn’t the only avenue.
When I talk about “Old Guard” and “Old Ways” I am talking about a much richer history than one that came about in the 50’s. Whilst I still very much adhere to following the protocols of Leather, as that was my introduction into my local offline community, the foundations I followed as my breadcrumbs in this lifestyle were from a very different path. Remember in your learning, that there are always more sides to history than one avenue... it will open your eyes to a much richer experience

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Apr 20, 2021

I'm older than dirt but younger than dinosaurs. ism pre internet, contact mags and telephone booths. I was taught the more "now historical" aspects of BDSM (I was "house" taught for two years a now obsolete method). Over the years my style has morphed and moved with the times but some of the older practices have stayed with me. Somethings are hard to let to go off.

One practice that screams at me still: l is that a collar is for LIFE, not velro or thrown away. It was taken seriously. Most new to BDSM are shocked when they hear how many I have "collared" compared to "ownership" let alone played with. Way back back when... A Dominant wasn't called a Dom or a "Mistress" (internet word Domme) until they owned and then collared. A "submissive" was a bottom till owned and then collared. As for "slave" well thats a whole debate I prefer to not enter into. The words have lost meaning, become watered down and diluted, the actions, rituals and protocols have lost meaning but I think what is more important is that you and yours are on the same page and that those words, actions and protocols mean and imply the same thing. What we all "call" those words, actions and protocols is always going to differ with those that came before us but what also is important to remember those whose footsteps we ALL walk in. They sacrificed a lot so we can stand in the light and not be labeled freaks and perverts needing a mental institution. Dont dismiss them because they are old way but rather LEARN from them, added to them and build on them, they made all the mistakes, we all now benefit from. They created the place we al now call "lifestyle" ..and take ownership of.

Bunnie • Apr 20, 2021

@ MissBonnie,

“What we all "call" those words, actions and protocols is always going to differ with those that came before us but what also is important to remember those whose footsteps we ALL walk in. They sacrificed a lot so we can stand in the light and not be labeled freaks and perverts needing a mental institution. Dont dismiss them because they are old way but rather LEARN from them, added to them and build on them, they made all the mistakes, we all now benefit from. They created the place we al now call "lifestyle" ..and take ownership of.”

I absolutely love this. It’s so true. Thank you for that reminder.

Sammy45​(sub female) • Apr 21, 2021

Thank you all once again for taking the time to share and post

Miki​(masochist female) • Apr 21, 2021

Just because something is old and venerable or brought about by "pioneers" does not make it necessarily good.

Take the history of the world for example.

Sorry Bunnie, I walk in no one person or group's footsteps. I share part of a journey with a variety of people but I owe absolutely nothing to those who were here before me, save to avoid repeating some of the garbage they spew as "gospel".

Paying homage to those of the past... is nothing one will find me doing. Then again (and by way of disclaimer) I do kinky things, like it rough, but absolutely want no part of "the lifestyle".---

Just me... calm down!

******

As for "permanence" in D/s dynamics. Today's Velcro collar, disposable dominant/slough-off sub.... Part of the overall pattern of society. Better, worse or "It Simply Is", it is reflected in not just BDSM, it's evident in "vanilla" marriages/domestic arrangements and it is quite prominent in career paths, too.

Gone are the days when someone went to work for a firm straight out of high school, college, or even the military and stayed to retirement resting on a comfy pension.

The longevity of that brilliant kid out of M I T, Brown or even, nestled in the heart of BumFuck, Nowhere, zip code 99999 ---Bear's Ass State College-- is perhaps 5 years on the outside. What was once a rule is now an aberration, like me, going on 9 years at the same desk.

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Also let's not ignore the likelihood that just because a sub was "for keeps" does not necessarily mean it was a healthy situation for either of them. Rather, like marriages of yore, along with career choices, they stayed together, however miserable because it was the "acceptable thing to do".

Now I prefer to hold that if a relationship sucks the proverbial bag--- shit can the sub or dominant who has the ever present ability to fuck up even a wet dream.

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To wrap up this shit-storm rant, I return to that which I commented on in particular. Those old fucks who required newer doms to live as subs for a fucking year--- They were nothing more than self-important sacks of shit.

And I stand by that assessment.