B L O N D I E(sub female)
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1 year ago •
Apr 23, 2023
javtwk wrote: B L O N D I E wrote: Chiming in on the subject of time wasters, I had a guy contact me a few days ago who said he doesn't read profiles at all. He just cruises around chatting to people to get to know them. He got irate when I told him he was wasting my time. I didn't write my profile so it could be ignored. He said I wasn't a real slave or polite and started calling me names when I told him I didn't owe him any politeness considering he just jumped into my inbox expecting me to take the time to explain things I had already included in my profile. Such a waste of time.
I think you gave a very good answer. Creating a profile is writing a cover letter to introduce yourself to other users, and completing it and expressing what you want to describe requires an effort. I like the idea of getting to know people in a more spontaneous way without having prior information (like in person), but I think in this context it makes sense. I agree that you wrote it for a reason and would like it to be taken into account. I think it also has merit that you stood up for yourself so strongly, I would be a bit shocked for his reaction. It's great to see your message I ended the conversation very shortly thereafter. |
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dollMaker(dom male)
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1 year ago •
Apr 23, 2023
If I am unable to observe someone in the flesh, watch them scene, speak to those who know them, previous play partners etc then yes they are a ‘so called’ as virtual paper refuses little.
Regarding the ‘respect’ sorry no, respect is earned, not just blindly given and just because someone claims a title, or a status, for myself is meaningless, for me to respect I need much more. You see I have been burned badly on here, way too many times to offer respect any more as a defacto stance, as way too often on the face of it good faith people have been revealed either out of their virtual mouth to be horrible people, or by the experiences of those who speak up about the abuse they suffered at their hands. This has happened so often my defacto position now is everyone is suspect until proven otherwise. The OP is just another one in a long line complaining about the bad subs that won’t reply to them, or cut short a convo, or just block. The unanswered question is why, and I suspect none of the respondents on this thread have access to the OPs in box to read their interactions, so how do you know these reactions were not fully justified. I wont give the benefit of the doubt on this, the reactions received are on the sender of the messages, and they would do well to look to improving themself, and their approach, assuming these issues are down to ignorance of how to talk to people and not because they are a horrible person. I stand by my first reply, and its tone, and those feeling I am a rude person, well you are entitled to your opinion. |
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javtwk(sub male)
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1 year ago •
Apr 23, 2023
dollMaker wrote: If I am unable to observe someone in the flesh, watch them scene, speak to those who know them, previous play partners etc then yes they are a ‘so called’ as virtual paper refuses little.
Regarding the ‘respect’ sorry no, respect is earned, not just blindly given and just because someone claims a title, or a status, for myself is meaningless, for me to respect I need much more. You see I have been burned badly on here, way too many times to offer respect any more as a defacto stance, as way too often on the face of it good faith people have been revealed either out of their virtual mouth to be horrible people, or by the experiences of those who speak up about the abuse they suffered at their hands. This has happened so often my defacto position now is everyone is suspect until proven otherwise. The OP is just another one in a long line complaining about the bad subs that won’t reply to them, or cut short a convo, or just block. The unanswered question is why, and I suspect none of the respondents on this thread have access to the OPs in box to read their interactions, so how do you know these reactions were not fully justified. I wont give the benefit of the doubt on this, the reactions received are on the sender of the messages, and they would do well to look to improving themself, and their approach, assuming these issues are down to ignorance of how to talk to people and not because they are a horrible person. I stand by my first reply, and its tone, and those feeling I am a rude person, well you are entitled to your opinion. ´´Regarding the ‘respect’ sorry no, respect is earned, not just blindly given´´ ´´You see I have been burned badly on here, way too many times to offer respect any more as a defacto stance, as way too often on the face of it good faith people have been revealed either out of their virtual mouth to be horrible people, or by the experiences of those who speak up about the abuse they suffered at their hands. This has happened so often my defacto position now is everyone is suspect until proven otherwise.`` -- Although I don't have a lot of experience on this website I am also a little burned out on this and other issues. It's easy to feel tired or frustrated, but getting into a negative circle doesn't solve anything. I don't think respect has to be earned, it has to be maintained. I will respect you for being another person with a different background and culture. However, behavior that is rude and breaks that respect is going to make me question the person you are. ´´The OP is just another one in a long line complaining about the bad subs that won’t reply to them, or cut short a convo, or just block. The unanswered question is why, and I suspect none of the respondents on this thread have access to the OPs in box to read their interactions, so how do you know these reactions were not fully justified. I wont give the benefit of the doubt on this, the reactions received are on the sender of the messages, and they would do well to look to improving themself, and their approach, assuming these issues are down to ignorance of how to talk to people and not because they are a horrible person.`` -- I wouldn't be so judgmental of a situation you don't know and haven't lived through. You are 100% right that no one knows the intentions and thoughts of that person, but it is a personal experience and feelings of another user. ´´I stand by my first reply, and its tone, and those feeling I am a rude person, well you are entitled to your opinion.`` -- I think it's a great discussion and it's ok to think differently |
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Heero(dom male)
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1 year ago •
Apr 23, 2023
B L O N D I E wrote: Chiming in on the subject of time wasters, I had a guy contact me a few days ago who said he doesn't read profiles at all. He just cruises around chatting to people to get to know them. He got irate when I told him he was wasting my time. I didn't write my profile so it could be ignored. He said I wasn't a real slave or polite and started calling me names when I told him I didn't owe him any politeness considering he just jumped into my inbox expecting me to take the time to explain things I had already included in my profile. Such a waste of time. Haha, I think it would be perfectly OK to block this person at this point! (With no further explanation.)
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Heero(dom male)
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1 year ago •
Apr 23, 2023
javtwk wrote: B L O N D I E wrote: Chiming in on the subject of time wasters, I had a guy contact me a few days ago who said he doesn't read profiles at all. He just cruises around chatting to people to get to know them. He got irate when I told him he was wasting my time. I didn't write my profile so it could be ignored. He said I wasn't a real slave or polite and started calling me names when I told him I didn't owe him any politeness considering he just jumped into my inbox expecting me to take the time to explain things I had already included in my profile. Such a waste of time.
I think you gave a very good answer. Creating a profile is writing a cover letter to introduce yourself to other users, and completing it and expressing what you want to describe requires an effort. I like the idea of getting to know people in a more spontaneous way without having prior information (like in person), but I think in this context it makes sense. I agree that you wrote it for a reason and would like it to be taken into account. I think it also has merit that you stood up for yourself so strongly, I would be a bit shocked for his reaction. It's great to see your message Sometimes I love someone's profile BECAUSE it is well-written and I know that IF I were interested in them, I would have many points to start a conversation with them. Occasionally I would reach out to them telling them I liked their profile even though I'm not for them. It is fine if they ignore the message or block me, I just want to show appreciation for the effort. (BTW, people have done this to me and I always respond politely and thank them. And if I love their profile, I will take the opportunity to say so.) One of my biggest pet peeves is the opposite. People with very bare profiles! This falls into two categories. 1) People with bare profiles: I ignore this group completely usually. 2) People with VERY NEARLY bare profiles, but they would say some demand that you can't even know it is fulfilled because of how bare the profile is: Like someone saying, I am looking for a REAL relationship and will ONLY speak with people who are local because I will only do in-person...no mention of what "real" means...no location on the profile... These people I also ignore...but if I'm honest, I'm a bit annoyed with them as I do so and roll my eyes a bit while clicking off their profile. |
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Heero(dom male)
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1 year ago •
Apr 23, 2023
B L O N D I E wrote: javtwk wrote: B L O N D I E wrote: Chiming in on the subject of time wasters, I had a guy contact me a few days ago who said he doesn't read profiles at all. He just cruises around chatting to people to get to know them. He got irate when I told him he was wasting my time. I didn't write my profile so it could be ignored. He said I wasn't a real slave or polite and started calling me names when I told him I didn't owe him any politeness considering he just jumped into my inbox expecting me to take the time to explain things I had already included in my profile. Such a waste of time.
I think you gave a very good answer. Creating a profile is writing a cover letter to introduce yourself to other users, and completing it and expressing what you want to describe requires an effort. I like the idea of getting to know people in a more spontaneous way without having prior information (like in person), but I think in this context it makes sense. I agree that you wrote it for a reason and would like it to be taken into account. I think it also has merit that you stood up for yourself so strongly, I would be a bit shocked for his reaction. It's great to see your message I ended the conversation very shortly thereafter. |
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Heero(dom male)
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1 year ago •
Apr 23, 2023
dollMaker wrote: If I am unable to observe someone in the flesh, watch them scene, speak to those who know them, previous play partners etc then yes they are a ‘so called’ as virtual paper refuses little.
Ironically, you fall into a category of people I mentioned in my fourth post here...I didn't imagine someone would have taken it as a compliment or a way to live. I was trying to be suggestive that that is not the way to go.
Regarding the ‘respect’ sorry no, respect is earned, not just blindly given and just because someone claims a title, or a status, for myself is meaningless, for me to respect I need much more. You see I have been burned badly on here, way too many times to offer respect any more as a defacto stance, as way too often on the face of it good faith people have been revealed either out of their virtual mouth to be horrible people, or by the experiences of those who speak up about the abuse they suffered at their hands. This has happened so often my defacto position now is everyone is suspect until proven otherwise. The OP is just another one in a long line complaining about the bad subs that won’t reply to them, or cut short a convo, or just block. The unanswered question is why, and I suspect none of the respondents on this thread have access to the OPs in box to read their interactions, so how do you know these reactions were not fully justified. I wont give the benefit of the doubt on this, the reactions received are on the sender of the messages, and they would do well to look to improving themself, and their approach, assuming these issues are down to ignorance of how to talk to people and not because they are a horrible person. I stand by my first reply, and its tone, and those feeling I am a rude person, well you are entitled to your opinion. I don't really want to respond to every point here, because I think the philosophy is way off base. But I do want to ask you something. Respect is earned but disrespect isn't? Like, you don't start neutral? You just go around disrespecting everyone until they show you they deserve respect? Being civil is not something you do? So when you go out, not only do you not hold doors open for people, you would deliberately slam the doors in people's faces because they haven't proven to you that they are worth holding the door for? Do you not see where this thought process leads? "This has happened so often my defacto position now is everyone is suspect until proven otherwise." If you don't see the problem with this statement, I don't think there is anything left to discuss... this is definitely one of those 'you have to accept that there is a problem before the conversation can even start' type situations. It seems to me you have some sort of trauma response or defense mechanism that is swinging way to the extreme. I sincerely hope you can manage it better one day and heal. I'm sorry you got burned a lot, truly. But as it stands, I would not want to live in a world where your stance dictates etiquette. It would not be a great world to live in. Taking the defacto position that ALL are suspect until proven otherwise isn't a healthy outlook. |
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Heero(dom male)
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1 year ago •
Apr 23, 2023
javtwk wrote: dollMaker wrote: ´´The OP is just another one in a long line complaining about the bad subs that won’t reply to them, or cut short a convo, or just block. The unanswered question is why, and I suspect none of the respondents on this thread have access to the OPs in box to read their interactions, so how do you know these reactions were not fully justified. I wont give the benefit of the doubt on this, the reactions received are on the sender of the messages, and they would do well to look to improving themself, and their approach, assuming these issues are down to ignorance of how to talk to people and not because they are a horrible person.`` -- I wouldn't be so judgmental of a situation you don't know and haven't lived through. You are 100% right that no one knows the intentions and thoughts of that person, but it is a personal experience and feelings of another user. It's not so much about respect, but just being civil, but we will go with "respect" since it was brought up that way. The point is, to assume disrespect without evidence is the same sort of fallacy as to assume respect without evidence. You're not doing better than the people you're complaining about, you're doing the SAME. It's just picking a side based on personal reasons. Like I said, it is people getting hurt and then lumping everyone in with the bad apples. it is not a reasonable response. And it has nothing to do with the people you're levying judgments against. I understand making judgements based on what seems more likely...but come on. Reason has to prevail also. You can come to the wrong conclusions as a human being. We all have. But it just doesn't make sense for some things to be true in the broadest sense, even if it happens to be a common experience by some people. javtwk wrote: ´´I stand by my first reply, and its tone, and those feeling I am a rude person, well you are entitled to your opinion.`` -- I think it's a great discussion and it's ok to think differently I think it should be pretty clear that a stance like "treat everyone as an enemy until they prove they are a friend" is NOT a winning strategy. We are FAR from a situation where that would be practical. Maybe something like that could ensure survival in the middle of a warzone where enemies are all around and could kill you at any time. But in civilian life? On thecage? At the grocery store? There are many places where that strategy would get you hurt very quickly and very few where it would help or save you. |
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Heero(dom male)
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1 year ago •
Apr 23, 2023
dollMaker wrote: Regarding the ‘respect’ sorry no, respect is earned, not just blindly given and just because someone claims a title, or a status, for myself is meaningless, for me to respect I need much more. You see I have been burned badly on here, way too many times to offer respect any more as a defacto stance, as way too often on the face of it good faith people have been revealed either out of their virtual mouth to be horrible people, or by the experiences of those who speak up about the abuse they suffered at their hands. This has happened so often my defacto position now is everyone is suspect until proven otherwise.
Ironically, this could be the very thing that would cause bad experiences. If I just met someone and they treat me like I've done something wrong to them even though I just met them...the chances of me ghosting them or avoiding them or otherwise not being pleasant goes way up.
You champion looking to ourselves and figuring out if there is something that we are doing that makes people treat us badly, right? Will you stand by the words you preach? I'm not saying this is the case, but is it POSSIBLE that your stance of leading with mistrust and disrespect would cause people to act unfavorable to you? Would you look to yourself? I really need to go to bed... |
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SirsBabyDoll(sub female){Pizza+☕}
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1 year ago •
Apr 23, 2023
I haven't read ALLLLLL of the messages here, however, there isn't much that I've not heard expressed before.
I've been ghosted as well and yeah, it's disappointing, but here is something that came to mind: If you are messaging people because you are "on the hunt", then that WILL be conveyed to the reader and it may put them on edge. If, however, you are messaging because something about them resonated with you, then that too comes across to the reader. As was said before, we aren't your kink dispensers. Sure, some may only want to be treated as if they were disposable Bic lighters....a quick flick and we light your fire, but HERE, the majority do not. So we want to find love? Sure, but that takes authenticity and time. In the end, don't hunt...connect. |
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