tallslenderguy wrote:
A nod towards Sweetlydepraved's point about "haughtiness." my experience with those who do not read profiles is/has been primarily with scammers, so my frustration probably bleeds over and some of my expressed views on the topic more general than they should be. Apologies for that, i do not want to be haughty.
That said, i do not think the comparison of online to IRL is apples to apples. i do not see online as comparable to being at a bar. To me, it's more like applying for a position and the profile is a resume' of sorts. What motivates us to "interview" a person? Online the written word is often a factor that is not necessary IRL. What attracts us to a person and motivates us to attempt to engage with them? Much of communication is non verbal, we respond consciously and unconsciously to visual and non-verbal cues. IRL, when a person is literally in front of us, those aspects are alive and animated. In a profile, if there is an actual picture of the person, it's a frozen moment in time, so it does not convey what an animated, living person does. There's no verbal or tonal cues, no coy or suggestive looks or expressions we can see as a reaction to us approaching them. To me a profile cannot compare with IRL, lacking the visual and tonal cues. Using a profile, i think we have to put even more effort if we want to have a similar effect at attracting another. I.e., trying to put some tone and cues into the written word and the pictures we present.
i see a profile is an attempt to present a tiny slice of our self for others to respond to, and without one, it seems we are 'virtually' invisible.
Also, if we're going to be real and honest here, when was the last time any of us saw or read a profile that was as long as a chapter in a book lol? i just finished reading a book series. There were 14 books with an average of 700 pages per book, and the chapters were typically 30-40 pages. i have yet to read a profile online that even approached the equivalent of one page of a book. Of course, more recent history has introduced texting, and there is now a whole generation or two who have had texting as a standard form of communication, so that may be part of the evolutionary mix?
The bottom line for me, more often than not, is when someone approaches me and has not taken 5 minutes to read my profile (that's about how long it takes to read my profile, and i'm a slow reader), it leaves me wondering why they are approaching me in the first place? If it's not something they read, what else is there? my pic? If someone is attracted by my picture, i would think that would be impetus to read my profile/intro to see if i'm attractive to them beyond looks?
Which takes me back to my original point, most of the guys who approach me having not read my profile have been scammers or guys who just wanna wank or hook... which is fine if they are up front about it. What really frustrates me is the scammers, and they are plethora online, so for me my profile has become a way to weed those guys out, because they pretty much never read a profile, they are just phishing.
I feel that you’ve missed my point entirely and I apologize for the lack of clarity.
I am not comparing real life to online apples to apples, but I am saying that a profile means next to nothing compared to actual engagement. I can see why you interpreted my message erroneously, but there is a level of truth to it. Making an assumption based on the level of information an individual chooses to provide (eyeing Topeka) and accusing them of a lack of seriousness is, again, a fallacy.
I don’t want someone coming in thinking they know anything about me. I want to see how they handle a situation without knowing, it speaks to their level of intelligence, in my opinion.
I disagree that one can not read cues and nuances in text. It is plainly evident while holding a text conversation that a persons response time, use of punctuation, and effort in answering a question thoughtfully are social cues in their own right, among others. By being receptive and perceptive it is rather easy to come to a conclusion within a reasonable bit of time. I see it as a wasted opportunity to disregard someone before you ever speak to them, I see it as a wasted chance to engage with someone who may end up being your best friend, or in my case, my lifetime mate.
You also failed to pick up my sarcasm about profiles basically being a chapter in a book. However, I actually have stumbled on some that end up being a 15 minute read. Anything over 250 words is ridiculous, in my opinion. It is supposed to be a snippet, not an autobiography.
It doesn’t matter that most people are scammers, what matters are the ones who are not.