Who should approach first.

DigitalLupine​(other male) • Sep 8, 2024

Proper research and courting regardless of who originally initiates is what really matters. If either side is rushing to claim or be claimed, that's a cause for pause.

Respect, understanding and understanding each other as a person first is super important in my view.

DidiRN​(sub female) • Sep 13, 2024

I completely agree. If there is a rush it makes me wonder if they want ME or just a sub. When they reach out and immediately start with the sexting makes me think they're only out to get their rocks off rather than have meaningful interaction.

I am an introvert and don't have the guts to reach out, but I will react to things I like (such as profiles and blog posts) and respond to blog and forum posts.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Sep 14, 2024

For myself, if someone finds me, what I do of interest then approaches are welcome, but only if they have read, understood the information I provide on my profile about that. I have made approaches from time to time, but others approaching has generally gone better, as in person, as online I am not always very good at knowing if someone is interested or not - I can be pretty blind to that.

With personals ads on here now gone, that option, to see what someone has posted and it being a direct invitation to make sn approach, at least for me, to my mind, makes things re Cage that more challenging re finding, making and growing a connection.

I think if you find someone interesting then making an approach is ok, but only if they are receptive to that. There are, as others have said, no hard and fast rules, only personal preferences.

LoveandDevotion​(sub female){Looking} • Sep 16, 2024

I prefer the Dom makes the first move.

I'm analyzing why and a lot of it just comes down to "then I know he's interested." And maybe it's egotistical of me that I should have the advantage of knowing he's interested when he doesn't yet know that of me, but it feels more comfortable, letting him lead the dance so to say.

Re: Who should approach first.

AnOwner​(dom male) • Sep 17, 2024

While the onus is on the man there no reason the woman cannot approach. Personally I appreciate it

Angel Wings​(sub female) • Sep 18, 2024

I have read in more then a few Doms profiles that they won't make the intial contact. I feel a bit awkward reaching out first,but if I was interested I would message him first and see where it goes from there.

silentnotes​(sub female){Looking } • Sep 22, 2024

I don't think there's a general rule for it in that sense, I for example are fairly shy, I have trouble approaching other people and therefore tend not to do it. I just think if you have the confidance to approach someone feel free to do so, as long as you aren't breaking boundaries or something

Sammy45​(sub female) • Sep 22, 2024

This is always a really interesting conversation

For me - someone who has / is kicking around along time - traditionally the expectation was the D type would always initiate contact and it was very much frowned upon for a sub to instigate a conversation - this was in person pre internet explosion

However I would say that now particularly online and with many changes to the community that isn’t the rule of thumb anymore

As others have said the now anything goes
and as someone said many subs are being bolder in their approach and DM’s. For some D types that isn’t accepted at all while others love the dance and the batting back and forth

For me I wouldn’t ever contact someone

The only request that I have is that I’m approached in polite and respectful way

As much it been said that subs are bolder in their approach I would say many D types approach with demands and have expectations that not appropriate for first few messages


Great post and interesting reading as ever

Kelpi • Sep 22, 2024

To be honest of the three subs I have been with all three came to me. At first I was shocked but after we talked I was honored.