Sololoquy
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1 year ago •
Oct 4, 2023
1 year ago •
Oct 4, 2023
Hi. I'm Loquy, late 30's, and I'm genderqueer.
I joined because I have been aware of my attraction to BDSM for over twenty years but didn't know what to make of it when I was in my twenties, when I was also struggling with depression and anxiety. (Not suggesting a causal link.) I was in a long-term relationship where we dabbled with some kink, which was good, although there were things I might have liked to try but felt conflicted about executing (consent is a given, just my own hang-ups).
I got my depression and anxiety sorted at 30, and have kept good mental health ever since.
I've been single and happily so for the past seven years and now consider myself solo by choice. I'm much happier in myself not being in a relationship or anything casual.
I feel that if that were ever to change, this is one area of my life that has only been tentatively explored and it would be good for me to learn more, understand more and be more at ease with it as a part of me.
I did a very comprehensive BDSM test last night, twice. The first time I took it, I answered the questions for how I felt about the statements in real life, as in if I had a willing partner I could actually do these things with, and I realised my own hang-ups of feeling ashamed about things I would like to do or have done were affecting my results to some extent. The second time I took it, I answered the questions for what I imagine doing or having done and the desirability or not.
Some answers were the same both times, because I'm confident in how I feel about them (mostly things I don't want). Some answers were different because of certain hang-ups. Some answers were different in terms of sliding a little further up or down the scale. And some answers were different because the idea may appeal but the practicalities don't (i.e. prefer the fantasy over the reality).
It was an interesting exercise just to get me to know and admit what I like. And then doing some searches on new terms I picked up, I found this site and it gave me a positive vibe. So doing this is quite a big step for me because I don't discuss sex hardly at all with anyone.
But from what I gather, it isn't really just about the sex, although that's part of it. There's more to it and I guess I want to tease that out and maybe figure out some ways I can be more confident in expressing what I want for myself, such that if I were ever to partner again, I could just own my desires instead of being nervous about enacting them.
So, that was a very long introduction, and having said all that, I'm going to own to the following:
I'm a switch. I like to be both dominant and submissive. I think I'm a rope bunny (less so a rigger) but I'm less into rope and prefer other forms of bondage.
OK, that's a start! 😅
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