Are you a submissive/dominant in all areas of life or primarily sexually?

Bunnie • Nov 2, 2020

I don’t tend to function on the concept of “submissive or not.” I was raised to be respectful and polite towards everyone, to respect authority, and to value my elders. This is something I cannot change, no matter how rude or mean people are to me, or how much society tells me things should be different. I have tried to change here in the past, because it’s not something that seems to be particularly valued here... I can tell you, I’ve experienced and witnessed some nasty, snarky people in my time here, and been told I’m too forgiving... but I cannot not be me... I simply cannot hold grudges, nor judge people for their pain.

In the thinking of how I was raised, this doesn’t make me submissive... this just makes me a decent human being. It’s called civility, being courteous or even manners, in the language of the old fashioned. I try to treat everyone how I would like to be treated... not how they treat me... I believe the whole eye for an eye (I’ll *react* accordingly and treat them how they treat me”) thing is just a cop-out.

So, no doubt many would consider me to be submissive all-round... even a “doormat.” Perhaps I am. I like to make people happy and help them to feel good if I can. I haven’t felt the need to fight for respect, or fight my way through life. Doors open naturally when you’re a decent person. Having worked my life mostly in male-dominated industries, that’s what I’ve observed and been taught by those I respect anyway. I don’t believe it’s necessary to be aggressive to get ahead in life, and aggressiveness isn’t natural for me anyway, so in choosing to be my authentic self, I don’t walk that path.

Naturenurture​(sub female) • Nov 2, 2020

I'm pretty dominant in most areas of my life, I make the bigger decisions. And tough calls. I am quite assertive and have strong opinions. I'm feisty. That's a part of my personality.
But I absolutely love stripping that down and being the sub I am sexually, with my Daddy. He works wonders on easing the stresses in my life.
To be honest I would love to be more submissive in my normal life. But it won't happen, it's more of a fantasy than a ever happening reality.

PersistentlyDom - not just a name

PersistentlyDom • Nov 2, 2020

I have been a kinkster since I can remember but was introduced to BDSM by a lady older than I. My instincts were there, apparently, and she recognized them, asking me to her house one weekend. I was in my late 20's early 30's. We had met at an outdoor clothing optional community sauna. It was something I took to, immediately. Although many friends have insisted that without going through a period of submissiveness, one cannot be truly dominant. It just didn't happen that way for me.

I have been rather in charge in business and in life as well as the kink life. It does not mean not acceptant of suggestion, but rather that I am recognized as alpha Wolf no matter what I do. The only times I have submerged my Dom self is when I was working (as a graduate student) with real wolves, and when I have been training dogs. Even when I train dogs, they recognize that I am the alpha for them.

It is something which gained me the 'moniker' of PersistentlyDom - when I spoke at a demo and then volunteered to help with another and be topped by an experieenced Domme - -who said "You're just too Persistently Dom to bottom". Ah well there it is. I find that my 'role' is most comfortable as DaddyDom these days.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Nov 3, 2020

I am submissive to my partner. He leads and I follow The concept of sexual submission to me is more about bottoming than it is about submission. While sex is an aspect of this, and many have fantasies about "being taken" it is not at all random and it is not a stand alone. I only desire that from someone I trust completely and that is only possible within the context of a full relationship. To be able to take me I need to relax and trust. That won't happen just in the bedroom with just someone.

To be submissive to everyone to me is more about self esteem issues and not knowing yourself than it is a marker for submission. In my 22 years in this realm all the subs and slaves I have been close to were strong women with clear points of view. They ended up with strong men who could a) keep up with them and b) lead them.

I think when we talk about knowing your value it must include know who deserves that value. Everyone does not.

Hush

Miki​(masochist female) • Nov 3, 2020

I am strictly a sexual masochist. When not in a dark bedroom, well, dimply lit because seeing is enjoying) or the rare dungeon I am a woman in a decent profession and I keep one side separated from the other. None I work with (except I discreetly play with one or two of them) know about my trips to the Dark Side of the Force.

ShadowLurker​(sub trans woman) • Nov 8, 2020

I don't really have any experience in BDSM yet (I'm pretty new and discovered this side of me during the start of COVID when I googled my burning fantasies), but around all nice women I become automatically (and helplessly) very beta towards them with few exceptions. This does also have its advantages in the vanilla aatcivities as I will feel safer around women and will often leverage the fact that I feel joy from making them happy to, for example, motivate myself to do my work better if it is a group assignment with a female student in charge, all to get that sweet "thank you" and smile out of her and feel good I made a woman happy. When it comes to daily life, I do want and enjoy female leadership but in some areas like my work/school and hobbies I am extremely alpha. Basically as long as the dominance doesn't turn me into a slave with no personal freedom of any kind, I'm fine with it. I want to feel owned by a domme while not having it interfere with other things in my life, basically her doing soft dominance (leadership, caretaking) by day and the hard core stuff that involves heavy play and power exchange to be reserved for scenes. As for the sexual stuff, well I would definitely wanna be in a submissive position there but sex is not a big interest for me (in fact, I think it is a bit gross and sex-focused porn also disgusts me big time) and I am *extremely* demisexual. So basically I would classify my desires as "submissive behind closed doors", since I basically want BDSM to just be a sort of "love/intimacy catalyst and booster".

breckgirl​(sub female) • Nov 8, 2020

I’m very much an alpha female outside of the bedroom. I am a financial professional, mother, and wife. But I tire of constantly making decisions and so I seek to give up control, in a controlled environment.

Schatzi​(switch female){Yes} • Nov 22, 2020

Reading all of the replies I am hesitant to try to explain me as Switch just doesn't sum it up. But here goes...I am one hell of a good blend. I am submissive only to my Sir/Husband but sexually I am most definitely an alpha submissive. I'll do anything he asks of me but if not told specifics, I am very primal and controlling, I absolutely live for touching him, feeling him, exciting him and pushing him to his limit so he will toss me where he wants me and have his way with me pushing me to my limit and further .

With all others and socially, I am very much an extrovert, hate being told what to do, Dominant and as such run the gauntlet from stern to demanding to almost cruel. As said by a couple others, the thought of serving or pleasing someone outside of my Sir is distasteful. I'm feisty and a handful.

When pushed or someone tries to force something on me that I do not wish upon me I can become fiery as heck.

MrRising​(sub male) • Nov 27, 2020

I tend to just be sexually submissive. I wouldn't usually even think about if I was dominant or submissive in everyday life, but think about it now - I really couldn't say either way!

Kiyattle​(switch male) • Dec 21, 2020

for me personally, its kind of a mixed bag. I work in a really high preassure enviornment, that often gets hectic and requires me to shot call and be really bossy, even to the point of being an asshole to get my point across.
Sexually, I've always been pretty Vanilla in the bedroom, I've never been comfortable asking my partners to do the things I want them to do to me. It's hard to be like,
"Hey, I want you to choke me, slap me really hard, and spit in my mouth and drag me around the room by my hair, and use me like a living sex toy."
I also really enjoy just vanilla romace, the cliche stuff, like cooking for my partner, dancing to fun music, or just cuddling. It sounds dorky, but I like simple things. The problem is, there's all this other stuff I want to do and want to have done to me, but its hard to ask for, especially if you have no experiance with it.

So I guess its kind of a 50/50 split?
IDK, maybe this wasnt helpful.